Hurry Up and Wait

Things I'm Proud Of

2012-02-04T13:58:00.000-08:00

The ability to end a sentence without a preposition not included.

Sometimes, (ok, most of the time) I can be very, very hard on myself. I'm not a good enough wife, housekeeper, employee, etc. etc. I should be doing more, earning more, look more put together, be thinner, cook better...

Periodically I find it helpful to remind myself of the things I do well, despite the fact that this is much harder than naming the things I don't do so well.

Here goes:

Cook. For a long time I took for granted that cooking came naturally to everyone. My parents both cook, but when they got divorced they both stopped for a few years, and if I wanted anything other than take-out it was up to me to make it. Baking has always come naturally, and the more I cook, the more I enjoy it. So, I'm proud that I can cook well.
Read. Reading is also something I've taken for granted--growing up I was always allowed to go to the library as much as I wanted. Both of my best friends, one from high school and one from college, are readers and we've always traded books. Now that my dad's semi-retired he reads a lot, and we trade too. But working with students with disabilities, I've met a lot of people who struggle to read, or just plain hate it. I'm proud that my reading comprehension is high and my reading speed fairly fast.
Empathize. Prior to my parent's divorce when I was 13, I was very self-absorbed and spoiled. That had to change pretty fast, so between that, coping with an eating disorder over the next couple of years, and working with adults with disabilities beginning in my freshman year of college, I find that I'm pretty good at empathizing, even with situations I haven't experienced. I got in a discussion about abortion with a pro-choice classmate and, just as she was gearing up to get irritated and angry, I explained that, even though I disagree with abortion, I can absolutely understand how a woman, afraid and more than likely alone, might find herself in a situation where abortion looks like the best option. My classmate stopped, blinked, and said "oh..you're the first person I've met who said that". We then had a frank, reasonable, non-angry discussion. This also comes in very handy being a social worker.
Write. I'm no Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist, but I find that I can write reasonably well, a talent that's come in handy doing papers, research documents, grants, graduate applications, and more.
Stick to goals I set. In middle school, I determined to make my sloppy, nearly illegible handwriting that featured huge circles over the i's better. And I did. Just this past New Year's, I set a goal to go back to exercising 4 times a week--so far, 5 weeks later, I haven't broken it. It's comforting to know that if I set a reasonable goal, I'm capable of achieving it.
Being left-handed. This is obviously nothing I had control over, but I'm proud of it nonetheless. It's nice to be a little different, and to feel like I've overcome my teacher's insistence that they didn't know how to teach me--to hold a pen, to write, to sew--because of my handedness. I still get "You're left-handed?!?" frequently enough to remind me that it's still not the norm.

That's enough for now...I can't really think of any more, plus I don't want to sound terribly conceited. What are you proud of?

My Goodreads Addiction

2012-01-24T16:50:00.000-08:00

Hello, my name is Sarah, and I'm addicted to Goodreads.

I actually got a Goodreads account almost three years ago, used it briefly, and then kind of petered out and hadn't touched it in months. But I'm scanning books at work, and I needed something easy and simple to read while I did it. So I got on Goodreads. Now, several days later, I'm addicted to making shelves, adding books, looking for books I want to read, joining groups...my scanning work is almost complete so I won't be on it as frequently come tomorrow, but this site is GENIUS. I've never found so many books I want to read in one setting. I also enjoy reading the reviews of various books, even books I've already read. I find Goodreads reviewers to be, for the most part, more discerning readers than Amazon reviewers.

Plus, this website brings me hope. Look how many people are reading, thinking about reading, writing about reading! I read a recent article on Entertainment Weekly that said (jokingly, but still), "Who cares? No one reads anymore". I felt my chest tighten and thought THIS CANNOT BE TRUE! And now, I'm assured it isn't. Whew. That was a close one.

Plus, it's inspired me to read more and watch less tv, coming on the heels of my weekend revelation that tv is just too much work. It's hard to keep up with a series! But a book will start right back where it left off. (Although I do plan to keep some shows. You can't take away my Top Chef, now.)

On an unrelated but entirely felicitous note, BRIAN'S DOCTORAL APPLICATIONS ARE FINISHED!!!! (skies opening, choruses of angels singing). WOO! Of course, it is still 2ish months until we'll know anything at all. But still. It's something, and I'll take it!

I'm Not in the South Anymore, Ya'll

2012-01-17T18:06:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I forget that I have left the state I spent 25 years of my life in. For example, I grew up saying ya'll. Everyone I knew said ya'll. Even the out-of-staters in college quickly learned to say ya'll. But when I say ya'll here in conversation, everyone trades a smile of amusement. "Isn't that cute? She just said ya'll! I thought they only did that in movies where the girls where hoop skirts and drink mint juleps!"

Side note of irritation: Vivien Leigh, who played Scarlett O'Hara, was BRITISH. Not Southern. Her entire accent was made up and FAKE.

Ok, moving on. So today, I'm in a meeting where we are working on planning a dance. Various options are thrown around--swing dance? square dance?--and I mention that I'm used to having everyone just shag at dances. Cue bug eyes and everyone's faces going red. Finally one co-worker choked out, "SHAG? Like in Austin Powers?!?". I tried in vain to explain that it is a dance style, done to beach music (they'd never heard of that either) but everyone kept flinching when I said shag and asked "can't you come up with another word?". NO! It's a dance style, and is absolutely not sexual and has nothing to do with Austin Powers.

Florida is technically the South, and northern Florida may be, but here in Southwest Florida we are a joint colony of upstate New York and Michigan. The Crisco is ridiculously hard to find in the store (hidden on the bottom shelf!), when I made hushpuppies for a party no one had heard of them (what do they do when their dogs bark?) and no one can understand me on the phone (resulting in 2 different prescriptions, one under Battersey and one under Battersbvy. Battersbvy? Really??).

I never appreciated the small things about NC I would miss--the smell of the air, dogwoods, azaleas, leaves turning, square dancing, shagging, beach music at every wedding reception, men who hold open doors for you and call you ma'am, fresh seafood, everyone knowing about the UNC/Duke rivalry--things I barely noticed when I lived there. Sometimes I even watch Paula Deen's show for nostalgia. And I don't even like Paula Deen.

Is there such a thing as a Southern expat? Because I think I'm it.

Resolutions for 2012

2012-01-10T17:46:00.000-08:00

I'm finally getting around to thinking about my goals for 2012. And, without further ado, here they are:

Snack less. Ever since I was on a medication that lowered my blood pressure (I've now been off it for over a year) and had to snack almost constantly to keep from fainting, I've been an AWFUL nosher. I would love to lose 5 or 10 pounds, and when I took stock of how much I was snacking, it quickly became apparent why (or at least, one of the reasons why) I wasn't able to.
Exercise more consistently. I used to be great about going to the gym 3 or 4 times a week, but in the past year I've been awful about it. Having no gym makes it hard, but I got some great new workout DVDs for Christmas so I am determined to at least try.
Worry less and trust in God more. This year especially, I've been worrying constantly (will Brian get into doctoral programs? Where will we move? How will I find a job? Will we be able to have kids?). Honestly, this worrying does absolutely nothing. We've never been lacking for what we needed, and I have to trust in God that we'll be sent where we're supposed to go and given what we need.
Watch less TV. This is aided by the fact that the majority of my shows are, in my opinion, no good this season. So it's not a sacrifice to watch less of them.
Read a wider range of books, including the "classics". I especially need to get out of my English hole and read writers of others nationalities.

Be more positive. Honestly, I think I put this down every year, but as I have yet to achieve it to my satisfaction, here we are again.

Well, that's it for now--Brian is ALMOST done with all his doctoral applications (4 out of 7 are officially finished). He started his last semester on Monday, and is considering applying for a part-time job (which I would LOVE). In the next few months we should know more about the latter half of our year will look like.

Top Ten Books of 2011!

2011-12-24T11:37:00.000-08:00

This was definitely the year of strong female protagonists (or in the case of the non-fiction, books written by, about, and/or for the benefit of strong women everywhere). Note: These books were not necessarily published in 2011; that's just when I happened to read them.

1. Unnatural Selection: Choosing Boys Over Girls, and the Consequences of a World Full of Men, Mara Hvistendahl

This is such a timely, shocking, thought-provoking book. On some level, I think we all knew this was happening. I mean, who doesn't know about the one-child policy in China? But the wide-spread nature of this across Asia and the Middle East, the use of our seemingly-harmless ultrasound technology, and the devastating consequences of an unbalanced sex ratio (buying brides from other countries and higher rates of crime and war, to name just a few) needed to be discussed, and this book is a great vehicle for the start of those conversations. This rarely appears in the media, and this book was all over NPR for weeks.

My only critique is that Ms. Hvistendahl spends hundreds of pages documenting the devastating consequences of sex-selective abortion, and on at least one occasion calls it murder--but then spends a bewildering 50 pages concluding that a.) women should have a choice in regard to abortion (even if that choice is to abort female babies) b.) It's Reagan's and the Republican's fault that this happened (despite openly documenting Planned Parenthood's significant part in the forcible abortion and sterilization of women, a corporation which has never been aligned with the Republicans) and c.) there's not really all that much we can do about it. Her research is impeccable and not once in the previous pages does she shy away from uncomfortable truths about Americans and our hand in this. But at the end, it's just as if she needs to reassure herself that CHOICE IS OK. I don't knock her right to have an opinion about abortion (I certainly do), but I feel as if the book would have been better if she hadn't gone to such lengths to bring in her personal opinions and political alignment.

Other than that, it was impressively well-written, well-researched, and eye-opening. I recommend it (but maybe skip the end).

2. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Stieg Larrsson

I put off reading this book for the longest time, assuming (wrongly) that something that many celebrities adored could not possibly be any good. But it was, truly, a revelation. Lisbeth Salander is a kick-ass, very flawed, self-doubting, damaged punk computer hacker...which means she's unlike any character I've ever read before. I loved the dichotomy of confident and hesitant, determined and damaged. It made her seem real, and much more believable than your Lara Croft-style one-dimensional action heroine. The plot of this book is a fast paced political mystery thriller (did such a thing exist before this?), and has really got me interested in the history and political climate of Sweden. I swear I am going to read more by Swedish authors...I'm hoping the success of the Millennium Trilogy means there will be more Swedish books translated into English and sold on the mainstream market. I've read a Henning Mankell book already and enjoyed it as well. I look forward to returning to this book in the future to pay a visit to Lisbeth.

3. As Always, Julia, edited by Joan Reardon

This was my first nonfiction book of letters, and I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed it. I've read epistolary novels before and liked them, but this book (letters between Julia Child and her friend/pen pal, Avis DeVoto, regarding the genesis, writing, and publication of Julia's first cookbook, Mastering the Art of French Cooking) was moving, hilarious, insightful, and all the more wonderful for being true. I desperately want Avis as a friend, and have gone back to read through my copy of French Cooking (a Christmas present I begged for last year) with renewed insight and enthusiasm.

I am glad that I read My Life in France, Julia's autobiography, prior to reading this so I had some foundation for the background story, and I admit that the Democratic politics of the day had me a little lost (and, at times, bored), but for the most part these ladies were fantastic writers and reading their letters is more like having a conversation with them than I had imagined possible. Julia is so full of joie de vivre and cooking gusto it's inspiring to a foodie and cookery lover like myself, and Avis is every English major's editorial dream. I found myself wishing throughout the book that I could have been present at any point just to have witnessed them in action. Julia Child continues to fascinate me and serve as my cooking idol...I fully plan to read any book on her I can get my hands on (but only it if it says very nice things).

4. The Hunger Games, Suzanne Collins

I will say this about the Hunger Games before I say anything else: It is, primarily, a Young Adult book, and the writing suffers as such. It's overly simplistic in places, the plot line is at times thin and
obvious, and the love triangle, well, I had enough of that in Twilight to last me a lifetime.

BUT, how often do you come across dystopian, Orwellian YA novels that have a plot you can't find anywhere else? Not often, is the answer. The Hunger Games' premise is so compelling I couldn't help but be sucked in. In a post-apocalyptic society, North America has been reorganized into 13 districts and is controlled with an iron fist by the Capitol and the exceedingly creepy, bloodthirsty President Snow. Each year, two teenagers from each district must compete in the Hunger Games, a battle to the death televised for every citizen to see as a reminder that the Capitol has the power to do, essentially, anything they want and that everyone is a pawn in their control.

Enter Katniss Everdeen, our 16-year-old heroine, who's grown up underfed, oppressed, and responsible for her family's well-fare in District 12, formerly Appalachia. Katniss is, as Lisbeth, equal parts confident and full of teenage confusion and thus believable and accessible. After Bella Swan, a YA heroine with a mind of her own and the skills to be independent is a breath of fresh air and, in my opinion, just what young girls need to be reading. She's like a futuristic Jo March (always one of my favorite literary characters) so, despite its flaws, I recommend this series to anyone looking for a good read.

5. East of the Sun, Julia Gregson

This is only the second book I've read set in India (the first was Lauren Willig's The Betrayal of the Blood Lily), but East of the Sun far eclipsed the first. Told from the perspective of Viva, an orphan in her late twenties who's had a series of poor jobs and bad relationships in London and decides to volunteer as a chaperone to India, the book presented both the wonder and beauty of India as well as the positives and negatives of British colonial control. Set in the volatile period of the 20s, when British colonial control was nearing its end, its presentation of a country in the midst of a dramatic change is well-written, compelling, full of well-rounded characters who take the length of the book to truly discover who they are and what they want, and then go out and get it.

I also like that it's told from a British perspective, but by characters who respect Indian ability to govern themselves and be people in their own right, instead of "White Man's Burden", Rudyard Kipling-style. I couldn't put this book down, and when it ended I wished it could go on forever.

6. The Help, Kathryn Strockett

I actually picked this book up in the library before I heard any of the hype about it; since then I've read just as many extremely negative reviews as positive ones. I think I liked this book for several reasons; one, I grew up in the South with friends who had black nannies similar to Abileen's, so it was comfortable and familiar; two, I liked the characters, especially Abileen, Minnie, and Skeeter, and thought they were well-rounded, with good intentions as well as flaws (you can probably tell this is a very important aspect of literature for me); and three, having grown up learning about Civil Rights and how most white people either actively worked against it or stood aside and let atrocities go on, it was refreshing to read a character who actually did something.

I know many people didn't like this book for the mammy stereotypes, the simplistic, black-and-white (literally) views of civil rights, etc., but I found that it was, for the most part, realistic and reflective of the society I grew up in, even 25 years after this book took place. This is an aspect of Southern history that most of us aren't proud of and try to hide, but it did happen and I think it's important to remember the small triumphs that occurred as much as the big ones. Skeeter's expose of the lives of the black help was small (and, of course, fictional), but it was something. I think her character gives us the hope to think that we, too, could have done something if we were given the opportunity. We could have avoided the "White is Might" frenzy, and stayed true to ourselves and what we knew about humanity.

So, was it a simplistic, stereotypical view of the South in the 1960s? Well, possibly. But it's no less poignant for that.

7. On Agate Hill, Lee Smith

This is a book about the South that is as far from The Help as it is possible to get, and just as wonderful. The main protagonist, Molly Petree, is one of my favorite heroines ever (see my post on it here); if Anne of Green Gables had lived in Civil War North Carolina and faced unimaginable hardships, she might have turned out like Molly.

Lee Smith's writing style recalls both Anne and Jane Eyre, and she writes of the setting (near Chapel Hill) so vividly I can recognize it even now. Since I already wrote a post on this, I won't go on--but read it. It's worth it.

8. The Buccaneers, Edith Wharton

Edith Wharton is one of the only American writers who writes stories about America that I actually enjoy. I was especially attracted to this book because a large part of it is set in Newport, Rhode Island--summer home to the Vanderbilts and the other fantastically wealthy New York families in the late 1800s/early 1900s. I've been moderately obsessed with the Vanderbilts ever since I went to Blenheim Palace in Woodstock, England--Consuelo Vanderbilt's first husband's family home (I'll pause while you think about that.)

I also love Edith Wharton because she always has at least 2 plots operating simultaneously, but they blend so seamlessly you hardly even realize it. In this book, the four main characters, single women who all get married and go on to live lives of varying degrees of satisfaction and happiness, each get their own storyline eventually. I think what I love most about this book is the honest writing--it gets behind the glittering Newport facade to the actual feelings and day-to-day realities of the characters. Edith Wharton's books are usually fantastically depressing (I'm looking at you, Ethan Frome and Age of Innocence) but this book had an ending that was at least satisfied, if not exactly happy. This could be because it was finished by an Edith Wharton scholar (it was unfinished at her death) but I like to think it was because she believed her characters deserved some happiness, after all this time.

9. The Edwardians, Vita Sackville-West

I've come across references to this book in more Edwardian histories than I can count, so I finally decided to just read it. And I have to say--it blew all those Edwardian histories out of the water.

I've always found the writing style of the 1920s, when this book was written, very enjoyable (P.G. Wodehouse is a particular favorite), so combining that writing style with one of my favorite subjects (Victorian/Edwardian aristocracy) and there's just no way I couldn't love this book. Vita Sackville-West was an insider to this society and it shows--the characters are so authentic they practically scream "Make me a BBC miniseries!". (She was very open about basing her characters on actual people she knew). She has the habits and mannerisms down so exactly, right down to their weird affectations and made-up speech, that this book is like reading a true life dramedy version of every book ever set in the period. And that's a good thing. You simultaneously felt for the characters and were annoyed at their extravagance, their lack of purpose, their silly day-to-day activities...in other words, all the feelings you get when thinking about the Edwardians wrapped up in one novel.

This book has the feel of an expose combined with a love letter, and that is something I've never encountered before and am not likely to again. I highly recommend this book (and then go read Juliet Nicolson's The Perfect Summer: England 1911 for the non-fiction version).

10. The Forgotten Garden, Kate Morton

This book is like a magical fairy tale whose dark, slightly evil counterpart is constantly trying to break through. Told from the perspective of three women, Victorian orphan Eliza, her abandoned-at-a-young-age-on-a-ship-to-Australia (surrogate) daughter Nellie, and Nellie's granddaughter Cassie, each strong female characters whose lives twist and turn in ways they didn't forsee themselves. It takes all three storylines to uncover the mystery at the heart of the Garden, and I absolutely didn't see it coming. Traveling from rural England to Australia and back again, incorporating a fantastical book of fairy tales, new-fangled x-ray technology, infertility, loss, love, and a spectacular cast of characters, this book is unlike any other. Kate Morton has a knack for writing stories that aren't trite or worn out (her other books, The House at Riverton and The Distant Hours are both very unique, if not quite as good as this one), whose characters have a realistic ending unlike the plastic fairy-tale ones that are so often written at the end of "chick lit". From the minute I started reading I was transported to a different world, and when I finished, I wished I could stay.

That's all for this year! Go forth and read!

End of 2011 Reading Survey

2011-12-22T07:31:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Little Stories for the survey/idea. Top Ten of 2011 to come!

Best book I read in 2011: Really, I can never pick just one. So here's a couple: The Forgotten Garden, by Kate Morton, East of the Sun, by Julia Gregson, Sarah's Key by Tatiana de Rosnay and As Always, Julia, edited by Joan Reardon (why have I never read books of letters before?? Julia Child was hilarious!)

Most disappointing book I read in 2011? This year, I have decided not to waste time on books I don't like, even though it drives me wild not to finish things. So far the only book I've exercised this on was The Short Life and Long Times of Mrs. Beeton, by Kathryn Hughes. I love a good biography, so I was excited when I spotted this in the library--if you've ever read or seen anything set in Victorian England, you will have heard one of the servants/the cook say "Let's see what Mrs. Beeton has to say". (And if you know me, you will know I read/watch A LOT of things set in Victorian England). She was essentially the Betty Crocker of her time, only not fake (sorry, everyone who thought Betty Crocker was an actual person...).

Unfortunately, Mrs. Beeton died at 28, so there is just not much to say about the actual woman herself. But this book was 350+ pages...about her family, her husband, her husband's family, random Brits, pubs, brewers, horse races....it reminded me of my time as an intern at UNC Press when I was given an enormous box of random documents relating in some way to The Encyclopedia of North Carolina and told to sort it out. I read over 100 pages and came across maybe 5 references to the actual woman. So, I exercised my "this is an unnecessary slog" prerogative and returned it to the library unfinished.

Most surprising book of 2011? Hm. I suppose for me that would be The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, because I never believe anything will live up to its hype. And the hype could not possibly convey what a revelation Lisbeth Salander is as a strong female character. In a era that gave us Bella Swan, aka, sigh-prettily-and-look-to-my-boyfriend-for-answers girl, it's a relief to still find women protagonists with a mind of their own, especially written by men. Plus, she kicks ass AND is a computer hacker who brings down bad guys. What's not to love?

Also, Northanger Abbey. I'd heard it was tedious compared to Jane Austen's other works, and I was forced to watch the dreadful Masterpiece Classic version in high school, but I finally got around to reading this and LOVED IT. It was an incredibly accurate parody, and could have been ripping off Twilight just as much as The Mysteries of Udolpho. I may like Henry Tilney even more than Edward Ferrars.

Book I recommended to people most in 2011? I don't actually recommend books that often, but something I did recommend multiple times this year was Mara Hvistendahl's Unnatural Selection: Choosing Boys over Girls, and the Consequences of a World Full of Men. An expose of the realities of sex selection, it was incredibly eye-opening (even though I thought she could have gone farther in her conclusions, instead of pandering to party lines).

Best series I discovered in 2011? Hm. Well, the Millenium Trilogy (aka Dragon Tattoo) was great. I was also pleasantly surprised by The Hunger Games, but I haven't read the second two yet. I read the first Wallander mystery by Henning Mankell and thought it was quite good, but again, having only read the first one I'll have to wait and see.

Favorite new authors I discovered in 2011? Kate Morton, Julia Gregson, Henning Mankell, Rhys Bowen.

Most thrilling, un-put-down-able book in 2011? It's a three-way tie between East of the Sun (about three single women who travel to India in 1920s England, in the dying days of the British Empire), On Agate Hill, by Lee Smith (set in rural NC during/after the Civil War)and Sarah's Key, (about the French round-up of Jews during WWII) which I read in its entirety on a plane ride and subsequently had to pretend that I wasn't crying.

Book I most anticipated in 2011? Again, I can't pick just one. I had to wait for Dragon Tattoo and Hunger Games a long time, so I suppose they were most anticipated.

Favorite cover of a book you read in 2011? I liked the cover of In The Woods, which made the book even more of a let-down. (Really? The pooka? COME ON.) I think it conveys a nicely creepy tone, with the idea that the woods are ready to reach out with their roots and grab hold of you at any time. But then in the book they demolished the woods to build a highway. So...yeah.

Most memorable character in 2011? Molly Petree from On Agate Hill.

Book that had the greatest impact on me in 2011? Unnatural Selection, Mara Hvistendahl.

Book I can’t believe I waited until 2011 to finally read? North and South, Northanger Abbey

Book I read in 2011 that I’d be most likely to re-read in 2012? The Help, Dragon Tattoo, Hunger Games

Happy Holidaze

2011-12-20T09:26:00.000-08:00

We finally made the 15-hour trek to NC on Saturday (it actually wasn't so bad...hardly any traffic, and we made really good time), but my body decided it had had enough of the punishing I'd put it through during the weeks leading up to/during finals (working from 7am until 11 at night is probably not good for you, FYI) and decided to come down with a cold. On the drive.

I started out feeling fine, but the farther north we got, the worse I felt...a scratchy throat in mid-Florida led to a sore throat in Georgia, runny nose in South Carolina, and painfully congested sinuses by the time we made it to NC. Despite the fact that we have now been here almost 3 full days, I have barely done anything but sleep and drag myself out of bed for meals with various family members. I suppose it's good that this happened at at time when I CAN do nothing but sleep--most of the things we have planned don't start until later in the week, plus of course I'm off work--but it's always a bummer to be sick at Christmas. I'm also lucky, though, that Brian is finally finished for the semester and has been taking very good care of me, in between playing the video game he's been waiting all semester for, Skyrim.

But I am SO READY to be better, especially because Zumba class is tomorrow and I have been dying to go since I went to my first one over the summer, plus I just hate spending the short time we have at home shut up in a bedroom. Here's hoping I can get out of my dazed medicated stupor and actually enjoy the holiday---plus that Brian doesn't catch it just in time for us to go back to Florida.

I'm an Academic Widow

2011-12-03T12:49:00.001-08:00

It's that time of the year--time for Christmas shopping, tree decorating...and finals. December is honestly my favorite month of the year; I love shopping for gifts (more and more I could honestly care less about getting them), holiday baking, parties, advent calendars, chilly weather (ok, not here, but still), hot cider and hot chocolate..I could go on.

But since Brian's been in grad school, I DREAD this time of the year. Starting at the end of the November, when paper deadlines and finals loom, most students go into hibernation in the library. Meaning that I rarely see him, as sometimes he doesn't even make it home for meals. When we do see each other, he's generally so stressed that all we talk about is his various school assignments. He starts having heart palpitations from stress and doesn't sleep well (which means I don't sleep well, either). This leaves me to order and send Christmas cards, do all the Christmas shopping, make our plans for the holidays when we go back to NC, get the car maintenance done, and do even more of the housework than I normally do. Plus our occasional dates fade into nonexistence.

Needless to say, this is not fun. Perhaps it is naive of me to expect his professors to take into account that he (and many other grad students here) have families and allow that they need time to spend with them. But I really think the "total commitment" philosophy is the worst part of academia, because it burns out everyone involved, students and their families alike.

Anyway...I don't have anything truly meaningful to say in this post, except that I will sure be glad when May 5 rolls around.

In the Homestretch

2011-11-26T09:27:00.001-08:00

We're currently in the homestretch in a number of ways--most importantly, Brian's almost finished with his doctoral applications (can you hear my shouts of joy all the way from Florida?). I'm trying not to think about the subsequent months of waiting to hear once he turns them in...

We're also only 3 weeks away from heading home from Christmas, and I can't WAIT...when we moved here, I didn't think it would be so hard to be away from our family, but it definitely is. Only getting to go back once every 6 months is akin to some kind of torture. I know the only way we'll be moving back to NC is if Brian DOESN'T get into a doctoral program, something neither of us wants to happen, but I wish we could be within a reasonable driving distance and be able to go back for weekends.

Brian's also in the homestretch of his Master's...once he finishes this semester, he only has one class, an independent study, and his thesis left. I realize this is still a lot...but for me, it's just one semester. And then I'll get him back, at least for a few months! As it is, I only see him for a few minutes a day outside of passing each other in the house on our way in/out to class or work. That's been hard too...especially over the holidays, like this weekend, when he spent (and is still spending) every day in the library.

I'm also really looking forward to knowing where on earth we'll be moving this summer...currently, the choices are St.Louis, Pittsburgh, NYC, South Bend, Dayton, Washington DC, and Milwaukee. None of them especially appeal to me, but it'll still be good to know. The alternative, of course, is moving back to NC and both of us trying to find a job, a prospect I don't particularly relish even though both of us still have contacts there. At least we know that, wherever it will be, it'll be for longer this time--most doctoral programs are 4 to 5 years, and if he doesn't get in, I'm determined that it will be at least 2 years before we go through this nightmarish experience of applications again.

I'm glad to be in the homestretch...but now that we're here, I'm realizing it may be the hardest part of all.

My Vocation to Feed People

2011-11-15T18:21:00.001-08:00

Working at a Catholic university, we talk a lot about vocations and discernment. Discerning a life to the priesthood, to married life, discerning a vocation to a specific career, teaching or counseling, for example.

I realize that while professionally I am a counselor (and frankly, I have serious doubts as to how effective I am at this), it is probably not my true vocation. My true vocation, I'm coming to realize more and more, is to feed people. I'm sure this stems from being a.) Southern and b.) a woman, and growing up with a mom and two grandmothers who cooked and baked constantly. I'm definitely the type of person who, when someone is in distress, whips out a tray of brownies. "Here, let me feed you" is generally my first response (possibly this is why I feel like I'm not an effective counselor--there's no kitchen in my office!).

I bring baked goods to new neighbors, moms and new babies, staff parties, holiday gatherings, get-togethers of friends. Pretty much anywhere it would be socially acceptable, in other words. I'm cooking Thanksgiving dinner this year, and invited all the single grad students...only a few of them may show up, but it honestly makes me distressed to think of poor, hungry students with no turkey on Thanksgiving. I can't help it...I have to feed them.

I'm blessed to be able to bake almost instinctively (cooking comes less easily, but I still enjoy it), and routinely have people ask me "how did you make this??" to things I think are simple and that I can practically bake in my sleep. (I won't lie, I sometimes daydream in boring meetings or lectures about things I want to cook).

Brian constantly tells me I should open a bakery, and while I think it would be nice to be able to bake all day long, the business side of things scare me away. (But I would call it The Honeybee Bakery). Plus, I can't claim any kind of professional training at all--I just make homey tasting things. And enjoy it.

Internalizing My Ancestral Puritanism

2011-10-27T14:19:00.000-07:00

After an incredibly hectic, busy week in which my major event this semester went off well and was a moderate success (THANK GOD), I have today off. And to say I'm exhausted would be an understatement--I ache all over and could barely get my eyelids to open until after 1pm.

I got up at 9am (and felt guilty about it, as I always do if I get up after 8) and attempted to do some reading and persuade myself to exercise...but after twice confusing what day it was by frantically yelling at Brian to get ready for class (he doesn't have class today until 1:30) and then asking him what time his lecture was (answer: tomorrow), I decided I really should get some more rest.

But I felt guilty about it.

Then Brian said something I had never thought about it before. "Honey, your Puritan ancestors may be turning over in their grave, and somewhere your father is sniffing the air and saying 'Someone's being lazy--I hope it's not my daughter!', but really, it is ok to be lazy when you don't have anything to do".

I actually have no idea whether my ancestors were Puritans, but given that they a.) were British and b.) arrived in American in the early-mid 1600s, it seems likely. And he's certainly right about my upbringing--even on vacations, we (by we, I mean myself and anyone who happened to be on vacation with my dad) were expected to get up early (7-8am), eat breakfast, and spend all day doing things--seeing sights, going to museums, and otherwise exhausting ourselves. On my honeymoon, I had a huge list of things I wanted to accomplish and drug Brian out of bed by 8am and down the streets of Charleston at a brisk pace throughout the 4 days we were there. In high school, my dad, stepmom, stepsister, and myself went to New York City, and when my stepmom and stepsister suggested a shopping trip, I was appalled. There were so many things to do--Ellis Island, the Met, Central Park! And of course, we should really walk it all. It's lazy to take a cab.

My first vacation with Brian's family, the summer before college, was quite a shock. People got up when they felt like it--sometimes as late as noon--ate something, and maybe ventured out around 2 or 3pm. We were wasting the day! This couldn't be right!

Brian will also be the first to tell you about my Puritanical attitude towards alcohol, tobacco, and all forms of drugs (as in, we'd all really be better without them). Sometimes this causes some conflicts, seeing as how we're Catholic and drinking and smoking in moderation are something most Catholics take for granted.

It's curious that, 400 years later, I'm still behaving in a manner that is instantly recognizable as Puritan, not to mention the vast differences that exist between my reserved British family and Brian's gregarious Italian one. When we started dating, it created some culture clashes, to say the least. It still does, for that matter, not to mention some heavy self-guilt when I want to sleep in or want a drink in the evening for no reason other than that it would be pleasant.

That's all for now...I have a ton of things to do. Probably. When I can think of them.

Hurry up and wait

2011-10-22T07:35:00.000-07:00

These days, it always seems like I'm waiting for something to happen. Thanksgiving, Christmas, graduation, Brian hearing back from doctoral programs, moving, etc. Of course, as soon as those do happen, I immediately move on to the next thing.This week, it's a major event at work that I am terrified I won't be able to successfully pull off (and even if I do, I'm worried that it will all be for nothing and student attendance will be low).

So, I'm trying to focus more on enjoying the moment and finding pleasure in where I'm at right now. For example:
--The weather in Florida is fabulous right now--low 70s, breezy, sunny. The best (only?) good part of living in Florida is the winter weather.
--The townhouse where we live now is great and it's unlikely we'll be able to afford something similar wherever we go next.
--Our neighborhood is very safe and our neighbors are kind and friendly.
--Only working part-time means my time is flexible and I have time during the week to run all my errands, plus I can get days off and vacation when I need.

That said, there are things I'm looking forward to:
--My mom coming to visit for Thanksgiving, and the things we have planned (a visit to Sanibel Island, among others)
--Being able to go home for Christmas, hopefully for 2 weeks
--Brian finishing his doctoral applications, and hearing back
--Figuring out where we're moving next--Visiting Harry Potter Land (or whatever it's technically called), hopefully next semester

I feel like our life is in a holding pattern right now. When our friends are buying houses and having children, we're waiting to figure out where we'll move next--a place we'll be for a few years before we move again. It's hard, to say the least.Since I have a feeling I'll be blogging about this kind of thing for some time to come, I've changed the name of my blog. It seemed fitting. Now hurry up...and wait for me when you get there.

The Generation of Entitlement

2011-10-04T15:32:00.001-07:00

I haven't, until this year, really felt like "an adult". Yes, I've been old enough to vote and drive, and living on my own, for years, but it's never really hit me before.

Now that I work at a college, however, it is rapidly becoming clear that I am no longer a youth, or young person, or whatever it is you want to call the 18-early 20s set. Maybe it's because my parents got divorced when I was 13, leaving me to grow up very quickly and care for myself, but I feel like other people my age also manage to find a job, pay their bills, and treat both co-workers and peers with respect.

Not so "Generation Y". Their absolute sense of entitlement, their "I want what I want and I want it now" attitude, and their "you're here to serve me, right?" treatment of everyone on staff never fails to astound. Maybe it's the digital age, their inundation since childhood with instantaneous information and gratification, that's created this monster. Maybe it's the helicopter parents who are afraid (understandably, let's face it) to let their children venture out of sight, who do everything and provide everything for their children.

Either way, nearly all the underclassmen I encounter are vastly unprepared to handle independent life. They don't know what to eat, when and what to study, how to act in groups of their peers and (most aggravating for me) how to treat adults with respect. I, and other colleagues at work, frequently receive e-mails addressing us as "Hey [first name]", get Facebook requests from students (I ignore them, even when I like and respect the student), have students show up late for tests, events, and appointments, and get treated with an overall "You're going to do what I want, so why bother behaving as if I appreciate it" attitude that leaves me blindsided every time. Not to mention the parents who call, visit, and generally act as if their child is, well, still a child, and not a legal adult. (If my mother had visited the counselor when I was in college and told them all my issues, I would have been mortified..but students here seem to take it as normal. And yes, it does frequently happen).

Of course, there are the exceptions....those students who send thank you notes, address you first as your proper title before you tell them they can use your first name, who always show up on time, etc. But they are outnumbered. And I have no idea what to do about it.

Where did 18 year olds get this sense of entitlement, in the worst economy the country has seen in decades? What on earth are they going to be like in 10 years, when they're in professional jobs? What is the NEXT generation going to be like, and how can we fix it? And equally important, how do we treat it?

Nothing to make you feel old like the generation behind you.

The Working Dilemma

2011-09-11T10:53:00.000-07:00

Last night, I went to a ladie's night gathering at my neighbors, and with the exclusion of one woman who is a first year Master's student, all the women were either dating, engaged to, or married to men in the graduate program. We spent most of the night talking about looking forward to the future (One day, when my husband has a job...), managing on tiny budgets and in small houses, and having our husbands be perpetually absent due to papers and exams. I briefly mentioned something about my Master's program, and one of them women said "You have a Master's and you're stuck in a part-time job??"

Tell me about it.

But what came out of my mouth was this: "Yeah..I mean, if I had kids I'd be staying home and it wouldn't matter..."

Wait. WHAT?

I always said I didn't want to be a stay-at-home mom, even though my own mother was for the first 12 years of my life and I think it is very valuable. I couldn't see myself giving up my career and doing nothing but take care of children.

But, now that I have a number of friends who (at least primarily) are stay-at-home moms and I've seen that they're very happy (although of course there are stresses, just like any job) it's started to creep into my mind that maybe I could do that, too. I've discovered in the past year that I'm just not particularly attached to work--there's always a ton to do around the house and not enough time to do it in. Case in point: I really need to clean the grout in our kitchen...but who wants to spend a weekend afternoon cleaning grout?! Would I be sad not to have to go into an office every day? Maybe not.

Given that Brian has 5-8 years of school ahead if he follows his current life plan, I worry that this won't even be an option. Most of the doctoral programs he's applying to offer stipends, but not enough to support even a small family on, and of course not health insurance. I'll have to be working just to make ends meet and provide us with insurance (although, as I've mentioned plenty of times before, I'm not currently doing such a great job at that).

All this, of course, is not really an issue as we're not expecting children any time soon, if ever. In the true nature of a long-term worrier, though, it's already made an appearance in my mind.

To work or not to work, that is the question...for the future.

Our Impact on Others

2011-08-29T08:49:00.001-07:00

Recently, and especially this past weekend, I've been struggling with the feeling that I'm not really making an impact. At work, in the community, in our family, in the world, etc. etc. I'm still only working part-time (therefore not doing such a great job at providing for us), I don't feel like I'm doing what I'm called to do (although if you asked me what that is, I couldn't tell you), and I'm still reeling from the extremely negative comments about me in the spring student survey.

When I received a wonderful (and timely!) e-mail last night from a student thanking me for the difference I'd made in her life this past year, it helped relieve some of these feelings and made me realize what an impact a simple compliment can make in our lives. This echoes several conversations Brian and I have had over the past year, initiated by both of us at different times, asking the other to provide more positive feedback for the work (school, job, housework, etc.) that each of us does. I've learned to say "I'm proud of you" and "You're doing a wonderful job" more, and Brian has learned to say "I appreciate you doing the laundry/cooking/cleaning/working to bring in the income" more (he even brought me flowers last week--they're sitting on the table still and I feel happy every time I look at them). The student's e-mail inspired me to send my own complimentary e-mail to our Director of Student Life, telling her what a great job she did with freshman orientation this past weekend--it was something I was already thinking but hadn't thought to put into words. Hopefully it makes her feel a bit better.

This all comes on the back of something else I've been struggling with (I know, there's more?!), which is that I'm easily dragged down into negativity, complaining, and gossip (lots of time I don't need any help, either). I've said some very negative things about specific people lately and don't doubt I've hurt them; I wasn't thinking about the potential impact of my words and was speaking out of my own feeling of low self-worth more than anything. Yesterday at Mass, the priest said in his homily, "It's good for us to be humiliated, within ourselves. It teaches us that we're flawed beings who don't even live up to our own expectations. This realization can inspire us to take stock, examine our consciences, and make an effort to do better. It makes us humble".

I couldn't agree more--this very thing is just what I needed to take the steps to escape the negativity and in-fighting that can go on so often in workplaces, especially large ones. There is no excuse for speaking ill of others, and really no way to justify it. I hope I can be more positive in the coming weeks, and maybe inspire someone else to do the same. You never realize the impact you can have upon someone.

What are YOU reading?

2011-08-22T07:45:00.000-07:00

A friend posted this article on Facebook, which got me thinking--what do our reading choices say about us?

I have to admit Michelle Bachman's statement that “When I go on vacation and I lay on the beach, I bring Von Mises” sounds kind of ridiculous. Really? Economics books on the beach? Either she's lying, or she has no life outside of politics. Either way, it makes me think less of her, I have to admit. My own husband never reads fiction and would actually bring some heavy theological book to the beach, but her statement sounds like it's meant to impress, not to reflect reality.

And Mitt Romney--Twilight? Really? Is it just me, or is it creepy that a middle-aged man is reading books written for teenage girls?

At least Ron Paul and Newt Gingrich admit to reading a range of things, including fiction (even if it is Ayn Rand, not exactly light reading).

So what do my reading choices say about me?

My last 10 books:
--Royal Flush (Rhys Bowen)
--He Shall Thunder in the Sky (Elizabeth Peters)
--Something Borrowed (Emily Giffin)
--The Face of a Stranger (Anne Perry)
--The Courtiers: Splendor and Intrique in Kensington Palace (Lucy Worley)
--Sarah's Key (Tatiana de Rosnay)
--The Hunger Games (Suzanne Collins)
--When We Were Orphans (Kazuo Ishiguro)
--Wait for me! Memoirs (Deborah Mitford)
--The Saturday Big Tent Wedding Party (Alexander McCall Smith)

Soo...basically they say that I am easily distracted by recent bestsellers and mysteries, but do try to squeeze in some non-fiction occasionally. I have actually checked out a number of nonfiction books and more "serious" books recently..but sometimes (ok, most of the time) I want an easy, relaxing read after work.

Guess I should never go into politics, then.

Back to reality

2011-08-08T16:31:00.000-07:00

After three weeks away from the office (one at the UN in NYC with some students I was chaperoning, and 2 on vacation at home), it's back to reality today. After a 16-hour drive Saturday (I was literally delirious by the time we got back--I kept thinking I was still driving as I was trying to fall asleep and was going to drive off the road and kill us) and a cleaning frenzy on Sunday I was back in my office today catching up on e-mails and the like.

I was definitely sad to leave NC--I had forgotten how much I truly loved Raleigh (even more so than Chapel Hill...don't tell my alma mater)and I miss being able to see my family more often. But, we're on the downswing here in Florida--Brian graduates in May and we'll be moving next summer, either to where he's accepted into a doctoral program or back to Raleigh in the hopes of a job with the Diocese. We're trying to get out and see more things in Florida (we're currently planning an expedition to the Kennedy Space Center, mostly because Brian wants to go to the Star Trek Exhibition currently on display), and I'd like to make it to the Keys, which aren't too far from us, either.

Brian's back to school in 3 weeks (I can't believe it's so soon!)and before I know it, he'll be graduating with his Master's (I CANNOT WAIT). Then...who knows?

The Sarah Alphabet

2011-07-18T19:38:00.000-07:00

This idea is copied from Little Stories, the blog of my fellow Carolina alum and book enthusiast Abby. I thought it was a great way to think through my biggest life issue right now: Who am I, and where am I going?

Ambition: To be happily married for the rest of my life, and to be well-respected by whatever community we settle in (preferably a small, safe suburb near a bigger city). This, ultimately, is more important to me than career aspirations, but if I had to think about those, I first and foremost want to be able to say I made a difference, however that comes about (and if it involves books, art, people with disabilities, cats, or anything English, so much the better).

Bad habit: Being very rigid in my opinions and schedule. Also, being very negative.

City: London. I've spent a combined total of about 4 weeks there, and I loved it. Easy to navigate, relatively safe (at least it seemed that way to me--don't tell me otherwise) and full of excellent museums (including my favorite, the National Portrait Gallery) and parks (also including my favorite, St. James' Park, near Trafalgar Square).

Drink: Mostly water (I recently heard this helps stave off wrinkles, which is excellent news because I'm already starting to get crow's feet), but I also like milk (for breakfast) or tea.

Education: B.A. in English and Women's Studies, UNC 2008 (Magna Cum Laude), MSW in Nonprofit Management, UNC 2010. I'm currently daydreaming about the possibility of a Ph.D. in healthcare ethics or a second master's in theology and bioethics, but I don't think it will come to anything as Brian will be in school for many years to come. I am auditing a medical ethics class in the fall though--I figured I'd better take advantage of working at a university while I can.

Food: Anything "ethnic"--Indian, Thai, Persian. My favorite is aloo channa masala--curried chickpeas. SO GOOD.

Guilty pleasures: TV and chick lit. I recently found a coworker who also enjoys chick lit and we've started to trade books. I always feel like I should be reading the classics, but sometimes I just want an easy reads with a happy ending. I'm also addicted to WAY too many TV shows.

Hometown: New Bern, NC: Birthplace of Pepsi and Colonial Capital of NC.

Ice cream: This changes based on how I'm feeling, but I've always really enjoyed mint chocolate chip and chocolate chip cookie dough. My favorite ice cream stores are Maple View Farms in Chapel Hill/Hillsborough (homemade on the farm and DELICIOUS) and the Cow Cafe in New Bern (made at the Maola plant in town).

Jonesing for: Chocolate. Constantly.

Kryptonite: Any kind of baby animal (even things like raccoons and possums, which i do not like AT ALL when they are full grown).

Lookalike: Hm. Not sure--when I was younger I always wanted to look like Belle from Beauty and the Beast, and I think I do to some extent (although without the abnormally large eyes). My real lookalike would probably be my grandmother--I saw a picture of her at my age and it essentially could have been me with a 40s hairstyle.

Movie: I have several favorite movies, but my most recent favorite is The King's Speech. British history (and royalty), great classical music as a soundtrack, and 2 of my favorite British actors (Helena Bonham-Carter and Colin Firth) are a fabulous combination, plus the addition of a touching family story AND the lack of any awkward sex scenes and almost all profanity makes it a perfect movie.

Nicknames: My childhood nickname was Honeybee (due to the stuffed honeybee I treated as a baby doll, feeding it bottles). Brian calls me Sarita sometimes, but generally I don't have a nickname as an adult.

Obsession: Reading (and finding new books to read). England and English history. Museums. Chocolate and baking things using chocolate.

Perfume: Alas, because strong smells give me migraines, I can't wear perfumes (or, usually, scented lotions). If I could though, I love things that smell like vanilla--I once read a book where the main character, a chef, dabbed actual vanilla behind her ears as a perfume, which sounded like a good idea to me.

Quirk: Too many to name? I think my favorite one, though, is that my eyes change color--based on what I'm wearing but also based on how I'm feeling. Green for sad, blue for angry (so Brian tells me!), gray/green for serious, light brown for happy.

Regrets: Not joining more groups and making more friends in college. Sometimes I also regret my choice of graduate degree and think I should have gone for Library Science, since I love books so much.

Starbucks: Only when desperate for caffeine, and it is absolutely the only thing available (which only happens about once every 2 or 3 years).

Talent: Baking. If anybody ever needs to gain weight, send them straight to me--the number of fattening desserts I can bake grows by the minute (I just made my first carrot cake yesterday, and it will not be my last).

University: UNC-Chapel Hill (although I grew up being taught to cheer for University of South Carolina, since it's where my dad/grandpa went).

Vacation: Due to the fact that we only get to see our families once every 6-8 months, all our vacations are spent at home or visiting college friends. Plus, we're broke. But one day, when we have money and time for vacations, there are so many places I'd like to visit I can't even name them all (the rest of England and Austria being two of my top).

Wine: I rarely drink wine except at social situations where it's offered, but when I do I prefer the pink, fruity variety.

X: X to doubting myself.

Years: 26

Zen: I think "zen" is a silly notion...but I suppose my idea of zen would be curled up in a comfy armchair with a blanket, a book, and a good cup of tea when it's raining and/or snowing outside.

The Life of an Introvert

2011-07-04T11:58:00.000-07:00

This 4th of July has gotten me pondering the many challenges being an introvert presents, the 4th, of course, being a holiday that most people celebrate by going to crowded cookouts.

Recently, we had a cookout for some staff members who are leaving, and my supervisor said I couldn't count the 4+ hours I spent there, plus the 2 hour commute, as work hours on my timesheet. Which of course makes sense from a logical standpoint, but for me, that WAS work! Working in the office all day and then going to my boss's house with all the people I work with, most of whom I never see in social situations, and getting home at midnight was HARD. Being in groups of people for any length of time absolutely exhausts me, even if they're all people I know well and enjoy hanging out with. I enjoy working on teams and in groups, but I need a certain amount of time each day to process things and be by myself.

There are 2 cookouts going on, one at the neighbor's and one at the waterpark in town (yes, we don't have a post office, but we have a waterpark), and as Brian enjoys grilled food he wanted to go, but as we spent all of Saturday with 2 of his uncles and his aunt, the prospect of spending an unspecified amount of time with people I don't know well or don't know at all is not one I look forward to (thankfully, it's raining, so that solves that).

The fact that we're the only couple left in the neighborhood without children makes things even more draining, as it means that at every gathering I have to endure "Are you pregnant? When are you thinking of having kids?" etc. etc. As to the first question, the obvious answer is no (and I regret to say that I've started to snap "No, I'm infertile!"), but as to the second (which is often followed by "Well, aren't you going to adopt?"), I don't have an answer. Neither Brian nor myself feel any great urging to have children at this point, and we want to wait until he finishes his Master's and we settle wherever we'll be next in any event. Plus, although the tons of children in our neighborhood are cute and, for the most part, very well-behaved, being at parties where I have to contend not only with them but also their parents wears me out twice as fast.

So what's the solution for an introvert who hates phone calls, dreads parties, and has no good answer to the children question? Well, at today at least, it's staying home and watching Star Wars with my husband while eating homemade baked goods.

Bittersweet birthday

2011-06-27T18:30:00.000-07:00

I realize my birthday was a little over a month ago, but it hit me this weekend how different 26 is from 25 in a number of ways.

First off, I'm officially uninsured. The recent healthcare bill made it possible to stay on my dad's insurance for another year, even though I'm married and no longer a student. But 26 is the absolute limit, and when I went to refill my prescription on Friday, hearing the pharmacist saying "your insurance is expired" really brought it home.

Plus I had to go out and buy a file cabinet for all the various adulty paperwork I have--car title, marriage license, bank statements, car insurance, loan paperwork, etc.,

When the heck did I become an adult? An uninsured adult with tons of paperwork and only a part-time job?

I hope by my 27th we know where we're moving next, and I have at least the prospects of a full time job wherever that might be. As more and more of my friends start having kids, I also wonder when we should start thinking about that...but then I get too freaked out and stop. One thing at a time, one thing at a time...

The English can really hold a grudge

2011-06-22T17:34:00.000-07:00

Recently, I've moved away slightly from my favorite topic of Victorian social culture and have started reading nonfiction books and watching movies set in early 20th century England. Hey, I said slightly.

What I've really started to realize is that the English can REALLY hold a grudge. I'm talking here mostly about the entire country's hatred of Wallis Simpson, who caused Edward VIII to abdicate in 1937.(See what I mean in this article from the British Independent: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/this-britain/the-return-of-wallis-simpson-2219771.html Even the woman writing a book on her can't like her).

Wallis Simpson first made it onto my anglophile radar during a visit to the National Portrait Museum, my favorite museum ever and a place I visited multiple times when studying abroad in London. There's a tiny room (or there was, in 2006) with sketches and small portraits of the current royal family. There was a single picture of Wallis, with a brief note about her relationship to the Windsors. She continued to pop up during reading, but as I don't often venture into the 20th century, it wasn't often.

Then I saw The King's Speech in January, during which Wallis makes a brief appearance in person (played, of course, as an obnoxious, frivolous American) and a frequent appearance in the plot, as she was the main reason for Edward VIII's abdication, as mentioned, and a large part of the strife in the movie..

Then, the Upstairs, Downstairs remake appeared on PBS in April, again briefly featuring Wallis (the main "Upstairs" character was told she had to invite her to a party, even though she was nobody important). This time, Wallis appeared with von Ribbentrop (yes, the Nazi one) in tow, with the implication that Wallis was a Nazi sympathizer, and was sleeping with von Ribbentrop to boot.

Ouch.

Then, I started reading a book on the Curzon sisters (Irene, Cimmie, and Baba), who were intimates of Edward VIII. The author spends nearly 1/3 of the book talking badly about Wallis, her obnoxious character, how ugly she was, the incredible amount of money she spent, her unaccountable pull over the King/Duke (once he abdicated) and how badly she treated him, their servants, and basically everyone else.

These people REALLY dislike her.

I don't feel one way or the other about Wallis Simpson, but then I have to say I also am not a huge fan of anyone in the 20s and 30s who was upperclass and did nothing but spend money, Winston Churchill and the Queen Mum excepted.

But the English could really teach the Mafia something about disliking someone for generations.

Things that make me happy

2011-06-09T17:39:00.000-07:00

It's been a pretty rough summer so far, with Brian stressed to the breaking point with his intensive Greek class and the low morale at work, so I've recently done some thinking about things that make me happy and have been making an effort to do some of them. So as I'm watching "So You Think You Can Dance", a show that undoubtedly makes me happy with all their great dance routines, I thought I would do some musing in print (or...font?)

Chocolate

I love chocolate. It may very well be my favorite thing ever. This summer I've been baking even more things in chocolate than normal--this weekend I'm planning on making a chocolate pudding pie with (you guessed it) a chocolate crust. My supervisor at work keeps a jar of mini chocolate bars on her desk, and sometimes when I'm stressed I pop in her office for no reason and take one.

Baking

Baking has always been an activity that brings me comfort--plus, it results in dessert. The problem now is just finding people to eat what I bake!

Reading a good book while drinking tea

I love curling up with a good book, a cup of tea, and a blanket, especially when it's cold and/or stormy out. Some of the best books I've read this year include "The Help" by Kathryn Strockett, "The Forgotten Garden" by Kate Morton, The Amelia Peabody series (as always), "The Buccaneers" by Edith Wharton, and The Millenium Trilogy by Swedish author Stieg Larsson.

My favorite tea? Caffeinated: Assam (although I haven't found a good one in the US), Darjeeling, and Chai, Decaf: English Breakfast, Peppermint, and Chocolate Hazelnut (yes, chocolate. I told you I loved it).

A well-written, happy movie

I love a movie with a good plot, well-written characters, and a happy ending. My favorite movies include "The Holiday" (with Kate Winslet, not Katharine Hepburn), "Love Actually", and "Julie & Julia".

Some great movies I've seen this year that fit in this group include "Tangled" (I love a princess movie), "The King's Speech", and "Ramona and Beezus". Sometimes I have to resort to children's movies to find the happy ending, especially in a year that produced "Black Swan", the most uncomfortable and abjectly depressing movie I've ever seen.

Brian's jokes and impressions

Brian's impressions (especially of my family members) and the jokes he makes that are probably only funny to me can always make me smile.

A good workout

I love both the feeling after a good workout, and also, during workout classes, the camaraderie that can develop, especially with a funny, outgoing instructor. I really miss group exercise classes, but I've been trying to make it to the exercise room i town more often.

So, just a short list, but all things that make me feel better when I'm down. Now back to So You Think You Can Dance!

We made it! Now what?

2011-05-10T17:13:00.001-07:00

Well, we made it through Brian's first year of grad school. And boy, was it a long road.

He's already started on summer school (Ancient Greek), which he'll be in until July, but that means he's officially in his second year, and less than a year to go until graduation (May 5, 2012!!!).

This year, admittedly, has been HARD--moving to Florida, our first year of being married, going to (and working at) a small, fledgling school that is still struggling to find its administrative feet. Most of the friends we made this year graduated this weekend, and are leaving over the course of the next few weeks to go onto Ph.D programs or jobs (or job hunts, as the case may be).

Looking ahead, Brian still has a lot of work to do before he's an M.A.--his thesis, for one thing. He'll also be applying to doctoral programs starting this fall, and so we'll be back to having NO idea where we'll be come next fall (it likely won't be here, but I won't rule anything out at this point). My job, as the first career counselor the University's had, is an uphill battle getting students and faculty to recognize the importance of Career Services--if I have a job at all come fall. They are reportedly cutting 30+ staff members this summer, and no one has any idea who they will be. I could be getting laid off, but I hope not; I'm hoping to stick it out in this job at least until next summer when we figure out what we'll be doing next.

We made it through our first year in Florida--who knows what the second will bring.

"Hello, I'm infertile. How are you?"

2011-04-29T10:00:00.001-07:00

Recently, living in a neighborhood PACKED with kids (there are only 2 other couples who don't have kids and aren't currently pregnant, and BOTH of them are moving this summer--all the others have at least 1 and most have 3-4) has really started to get to me.

A friend posted this article on Facebook, and after reading it I have to say how much I absolutely identify with it. Living in such a conservative, Catholic town, being married for a year without being pregnant is essentially an abnormality. Even our parents are starting to ask--and I'm getting to the point where I feel like literally screaming "I'M INFERTILE! Stop asking me this, it's hurtful!" I know they don't do it to be hurtful, but still.

In the afternoons, most of the moms in my neighborhood go out with the kids and play on the street, and I feel like I can't even venture out to get the mail without all of them staring at me and wondering why I don't have children (this is an exaggeration...probably). A friend recently remarked that he thought someone should be sterilized (that's a whole different issue, of course), and even though I frequently argue against sterilization without feeling any emotion but outright anger, this time I burst into tears and sobbed for upwards of an hour. Just because the talk of anything being sterile, especially involuntarily, makes me cry these days.

In other word, I'm a mess, and living where we currently do is not making anything better.

In (slightly related) work news, I've finally gotten upped to 30 hours--but you have to be 32 to qualify for benefits. Excuse me if I'm slightly bitter.

City girl or country girl?

2011-04-09T17:33:00.000-07:00

Before I moved here, I would never have said that I was a city girl. I grew up in a fairly rural area, enjoy the country, and like small towns.

And then I moved into the middle of the Florida everglades. And I realized I am actually a city girl. Or at the very least a suburbs-of-the-city girl. I HATE living 45 minutes to an hour from everything--and I mean everything, except for a (very pricey, very tiny) grocery store, two sandwich shops,and a very pricey, not-so-great pub. The nearest bank? an hour. The nearest Target and Wal Mart? 45 minutes. At least the drive is sunny...but nearly all of it is under construction.

Having egrets flying outside our window every morning is great (not to mention the occasionally alligator and panther, walking not flying, obviously), and I should be enjoying it. But it is driving me plumb crazy. I miss living in Cary, which was within 20 minutes of downtown Raleigh, and nearly every restaurant/store you could think of, but still had lots of trees. There were museums, and parks, and lots of performing arts.

Egrets are wonderful, and on vacation I love being in the environment we live in now. Quiet, peaceful, great scenery. But overall, I'm finding that I prefer museums and the performing arts--with the option for great parks--for everyday.

I have a little over a year left to go here, and I'm trying to enjoy it--how many people can say they've had an alligator AND a panther in their backyard??--but I'm thinking about the city.

Wishing I was "On Agate Hill"

2011-03-24T11:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, books reach out and grab you in way that makes you feel as if they are a part of you. Even more rarely, characters do the same, and by the end of the book you feel that if you met that person, your souls would practically be in tune with each other.

I can remember the first time this really happened to me--it was Emily, of the 'Emily of New Moon" series by L.M. Montgomery (of "Anne of Green Gables" fame). Although I love the Anne books, Emily seemed like such a kindred spirit (to borrow an Anne phrase) that I felt like somehow L.M. Montgomery had read my mind and written a book just for me.

It's been a while since I've read a book that has had this impact on me (other characters I feel this connection to include Jane Eyre), but having just finished "On Agate Hill" by Lee Smith, I can add Molly Petree Jarvis to the group.

I picked up 'On Agate Hill" because Lee Smith lives in Hillsborough, 10 miles from where I went to college, and I was admittedly feeling homesick, but also because I had read her most recent book of short stories last summer and enjoyed it.

Molly Petree is such a fiery, distinct, independent character, that I truly wish I could know her. I've been really down lately, between being homesick, struggling at my job (which is still part-time, so I've taken on another job at a daycare, which is causing me to question my skills as a potential future parent), and just general growing pains (I'm an adult? When the heck did this happen?), so connecting with such a fierce spirit as Molly Petree was just what I needed.

I know that to some people this may sound strange--it's just fiction, right?--but I've always found solace in fictional characters, settings, and situations. For those of you like me, I heartily recommend "On Agate Hill".

Comfort Literature, Mystery Edition

2011-03-09T07:57:00.000-08:00

A while ago, I wrote a post on my favorite books to read when I'm just in need of some comfort. Most of those ended up being "classics", so I thought I would write another post on my absolute favorite genre--mysteries.

Agatha Christie

I think I really got hooked on mysteries thanks to Agatha Christie. I started reading them after watching the Hercule Poirot tv series on PBS when I was in middle school, and I just fell in love with her writing style and characters. In addition to the Poirot series, some of her stand-alone novels are wonderful, The Pale Horse and They Came to Baghdad being two of my favorites. A few years back, I read a biography of Agatha Christie, and realized she is just as fascinating as her characters. From a mysterious disappearance to a late-in-life remarriage to a much younger archeologist, she lives up to her fame as a mystery writer. Even though I started reading these books as a teenager, I still love them just as much today.

Elizabeth Peters

Elizabeth Peters is another of my favorite mystery authors--Amelia Peabody and Emerson are fantastic, hilarious characters, and as the books progress, Ramses and Nefret also take a central role. I love these books for the excellent marital relationship Amelia and Emerson share almost more than for the mystery plotlines, which are always chock full of ancient Egyptian lore and late Victorian/Edwardian mayhem. Good Gad!

Alexander McCall Smith

I love Alexander McCall Smith's novels because they take seemingly mundane, everyday mysteries and turn them into wonderful, comforting stories full of characters that you spend the whole book wishing you could meet. I've read all the Mma Ramotswe novels,set in Botswana, and have recently started the Isabel Dalhousie ones,set in Edinburgh, and I love them all. McCall Smith's plotlines don't feature daring escapades like Elizabeth Peter's do--just ordinary people doing what they can to help others and solve mysteries that trouble them. I always finish one of his books feeling refreshed and rejuvenated.

Anne Perry

I admit I have mixed feelings about Anne Perry's personal life ever since I saw the movie Heavenly Creatures, based on her life (she and a friend conspired to kill the friend's mother as teenagers in New Zealand), but her books hooked me for their settings (mid to late Victorian England, and WWI England/Europe), their period details, the endearing characters, and the well-thought-out plotlines. I've read all the Thomas and Charlotte Pitt novels as well as the WWI series, and hope to start the William Monk series once I find the first one at the library. (To give you an idea of how long I've been reading her books and how much I love them, this comes to a total of about 30 books so far). I also find a message of redemption and hope in her novels that, I like to think, is coming from a personal sense of true sorrow about her past actions. But that might just be me reading into things.

Robin Paige

Robin Paige is the pseudonym for husband and wife team Bill and Susan Albert--their writing style is unique as a result. Their books focus on husband and wife team (eventually...it takes several books for them to meet and fall in love) Charles and Kate Sheridan, and it alternates between their points of view. Also set in late Victorian/Edwardian England, the Alberts make at least one famous historical character pop up per book--Arthur Conan Doyle, Rolls and Royce, Marconi, and Oscar Wilde, just for a sample--and their historical research (and recommendation for non-fiction books to read at the end of each book) is flawless. I've read all of their books in this series several times, and always enjoy them.

Jasper Fforde

I debated including Fforde in the mystery category, because his writing is so unique, but I think it ultimately fits here. Fforde writes books that take place in classics, fairy tales, children's stories...you name a book you like, he includes its characters and setting into his story. The Thursday Next series (starting with The Eyre Affair) is my favorite..set in an alternate-universe 1980s England, Thursday Next is a literary detective who moonlights as a detective in the "bookverse", or world of fiction (those fictional characters get up to all kinds of shenanigans in their free time!). I've also started reading his Nursery Crimes series, which I also enjoy. Ffordes books have a whimsical nature you don't often find outside of children's literature, a wonderful break from "grown-up" novels.

That's all for now--stay tuned for the chick lit/romance edition....

Actions speak louder than words

2011-02-24T09:40:00.000-08:00

Recently, I saw this article posted on a college acquaintance's facebook page, and it got me thinking.

I agree with this author's main argument: Men need to speak up about abortion. (Funnily enough though, most of the pro-life men I know do speak up a good bit. Brian's best friend was the president of Students for Life in college, and Brian himself was a member. Perhaps it's the fact that "pro-choice" men realize, deep down, that they're on the wrong side of the argument? hmm...)

This author describes the pain and suffering unplanned pregnancy (and subsequent abortion) caused in the lives of two women close to him--his mother, and his college girlfriend. How hard the decision was, how they struggle to talk about it even now, how much it affected them, not only at the time but throughout their lives. How the reasons these women had abortions were not because they didn't want a baby, but because they didn't feel that they had the adequate support to care for them. In his mother's case, the baby was diagnosed in utero with a disability, and in his girlfriend's, he himself was too much of a drunk stoner (his words, not mine) to care for a child.

I fully expected to be outraged by this article--but I found myself agreeing. The author (Aaron Traister) acknowledges that abortion is not an easy, casual decision, and that it has long-lasting effects. So why is Mr. Traister pro-choice, exactly?

He says:

"These "women's issues" have shaped my life: my birth, my adulthood and the children for which I am forever grateful. So yes, I support women's health programs and a woman's right to choose.

Even though I know that none of these choices are made easily or without hurt."

Huh. So was abortion really a good choice for these women? Let's say his girlfriend had the baby, even knowing she wouldn't be able to care for it on her own. She decides to give the baby to adoptive parents, and experiences all the regular pains of pregnancy and birth but not the continual anguish she has thus faced over the years for killing her child. And let's say that his mother continued the pregnancy and had a child with a disability--and it turns out she loves that child just as much as its typical siblings (don't get me started on how often in utero diagnoses are wrong, and how bleak a picture doctors paint for parents of what the child's life will be like).

It seems to me that Mr. Traister supports the women in his life (a good thing, of course), and wants them to do what is best for them. He's speaking up! But what if, instead, he had been there for his girlfriend when she was pregnant? The old adage "actions speak louder than words" seems to apply here.

So, to all those out there who want to continue Planned Parenthood's funding...who respect a woman's right to "choose"...what if, instead of making signs and parading around you started to figure out what could really help women who are pregnant--counseling, baby supplies, how to begin the adoption process? (The same goes for pro-life paraders, by the way. Parading is all well and good, and I support the pro-life march as much as anyone, but words don't help pregnant moms, no matter what the words are).

If you're interested in this topic, I highly recommend Frederica Mathewes-Green's book, "Real Choices: Listening to women, finding alternatives to abortion".

As for me, I believe I have a soapbox to step down from...

Being a Grad Student Wife

2011-02-06T16:53:00.000-08:00

Recently, I filled out a volunteer application for a pregnancy counseling center where we live, and somehow the director interpreted this as request to help with fundraising. At first I thought, well, if this is what they need, then I can do that. They have a fundraising banquet coming up soon, so when she invited me, I assumed it was to help out with set-up or clean-up or other various event-related tasks. Um, no. Apparently she wanted me to come so I would give money...and on the invitation, the smallest amount was $400. So now I have to send an awkward e-mail saying, "Hi, I only work part-time and my husband is in grad school..." (I have to admit, I have no idea why she thought I was wealthy...people with "MSW" after their name usually aren't big spenders).

So this has all got me thinking about the very unique (and often frustrating) position of being a grad student wife. Plus, it's tax season, and getting my W-2 always makes me feel inadequate...especially this year, since I'm the only one bringing home a salary.

I don't have to worry about my husband working late (when he does, it's usually at home), or having to work weekends. Instead, my husband's work is nearly constant (although Brian does usually try to take Sunday afternoons off), from the time he gets up in the morning until he goes to sleep at night. Instead of having to compete with coworkers for his attention, I have to compete with the likes of Thomas Aquinas. When he claims he has no time to help me clean up after dinner, I might protest but I can't claim he's lying...plus, if he doesn't do well here he won't get into a good program for his doctorate, or be able to get a good job after that...

I know it might be terribly anti-feminist of me, but being the only one bringing money home stresses me out more than I thought it would. I'm currently in the process of getting a second part-time job, since it looks like my job won't be going full-time like I had hoped, and I've found myself feeling resentful. "Why am I having to get a second job when Brian doesn't even have one, and likely won't for another 6 years??". But as he always protests, and I promise I do know at heart, he is working hard. His work the next year a half will determine where we'll be next, and if we'll have to take out more loans or not (please, please not.)

Being a grad student wife also means coming to terms with not settling down anywhere long term. We'll probably be moving again next summer to someplace we'll be 4 or 5 years at most. At a time when many people my age are having kids or buying houses, we have no idea where we'll be 2 years from now, and especially not 10 years from now. I have no idea what job I'll be in, what city we'll be living in, or if we'll be close enough to family to visit more than twice a year. As the primary wage earner (at this point, ONLY wage earner), if we do have children before Brian finishes his doctorate, staying at home (or cutting back on work) won't even be an option for me.

I know these years will pay off when Brian gets a position as a professor, which is what he's always wanted to do. In the meantime though, it might be rough going.

Prayers, as always, appreciated.

Comfort Literature, Part 1

2011-02-01T06:49:00.001-08:00

I just finished rereading the Chronicles of Narnia, and this got me thinking about the books I've always turned to , over and over again, when I just need some comfort and relaxation. I've always turned to books as a source of comfort; as an only child, I spent a lot of time alone, so characters like Anne of Green Gables always felt like friends.

So here we have it, my favorite comfort literature:

The Chronicles of Narnia, C.S. Lewis

Narnia was always such a magical place that I've been enchanted by these books since I read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe as a child...who can forget the first time they read about Lucy going through the wardrobe and coming across the lantern in the middle of the snow, and meeting Mr. Tumnus? In addition to the magic, the fact that the characters made mistakes, sometimes big ones, but never managed to really mess things up and were always forgiven was even more comforting. As an adult, the (very obvious, now that I'm looking for it) Christian allegory is also a comfort, since many books today are pretty blatantly anti-Christian.

Ballet Shoes, Noel Streatfield

This is my favorite book of all time. I think the first time I read this book I was about 9, and since then I've read it more times than I can count. The story of 3 orphaned girls adopted by an eccentric scientist, and living in a boarding house full of equally eccentric (but nevertheless supportive) characters, who all take ballet lessons, and end up making their way in the world in different ways (plus being set in 1920s England) is a recipe for comfort literature. I think what was so initially attractive to me was the story of three sisters who support each other (even as children), and as I've gotten older, the simplistic and straightforward plot is great for relaxing my brain. I highly recommend the story of Pauline, Petrova, and Posy...for kids or adults.

Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte

I first read this book in college, and ended up basically reading it in one go sitting on the futon in my dorm room. I love Jane as a narrator, perhaps because she is a realistic, and a little bit depressing, narrator (in other words, like me), who nevertheless finds happiness, and also has the strength to turn down offers she knows aren't going to make her happy (who would want to be married to someone named St. John, anyway?). Plus, who can beat a mad wife in the attic?

Jane Austen

I love Pride & Prejudice, Sense & Sensibility, and Northanger Abbey about equally, and I love them all as comfort literature because Jane Austen's writing style brings their world to life so fully. Even though they were written more than 200 years ago, they still seem relevant every time I read them. The endings are all happy, but they aren't cookie-cutter like many modern "chick lit" novels are...the heroines really have to work through why they care for the hero, and it's never just because they have money and look nice. The case of supporting characters also stand out as unique, making the whole novel like a window into the lives of real people who struggle, triumph, and make mistakes along the way.

Great Expectations, Charles Dickens

I first read this book in high school, and have since gone through 3 copies (I finally bought a hardback one). Pip is an excellent, wry narrator, though what I like best about this book is that it isn't only about him--Joe and Birdie, Mrs. Havisham (who can forget the first time you read about the huge rotting wedding cake??), Wemmick and the Aged P, Magwitch, ....the revolving cast of characters all get attention and, for the most, part some kind of resolution. Unlike many of Dickens' other books, the kindness and generosity of human nature shines through, just when you're thinking that all is lost. An excellent read when you're feeling down.

I realize that all the books I've written about here are for the most part "classics"--I promise I do read modern books, and to do a post on them in future. But right now, I think I'm going to go read....

Welcome, 2011

2011-01-05T11:07:00.000-08:00

Christmas is almost over (I can just hear Brian saying that 'Christmas is from Dec. 25 to Jan. 6--IT'S TWELVE DAYS!), and we're heading back to Florida tomorrow. It was a great vacation--we got to see all our family (but thankfully didn't have to manage it all in one day, like we normally do, which is beyond exhausting...we have my mom, my dad, his mom, his dad, and his half-brother and his mom to see, all at separate houses of course). We were also able to visit Chapel Hill and Raleigh to see some of our friends there...it was great to see them, and also to visit some of the places we loved most in college.

We got lots of great gifts (books, cookbooks, Rosetta Stone Spanish, and new knives for me!) plus lots of gift cards, so we'll actually be able to eat out in Naples now (it is BEYOND expensive there). I'm sad to leave, since it was a nice trip, but ready to be back in my own house. It was nice to have a break from cooking and cleaning, but, to my honest surprise, I kind of missed it. Plus I know there's loads to do at work...even though career counseling probably isn't my calling in life (not that I know what IS), I like being busy.

I still hate being so far from home, since it means we won't be back until July (although we will see part of my family at my stepbrother's wedding in SC in May), but I have to admit I'm glad to be going back to 75 degree weather, as opposed to cold & snowing. All in all, it was a great holiday, and although the end of vacations are always sort of bittersweet, I'm excited to be able to read/use all my gifts and get back into our normal routine.

PLUS...hopefully we'll be getting internet soon!!!! Meaning, more posts to come....and more frequently if all goes to plan.

Happy New Year!

Life update

2010-12-15T06:46:00.001-08:00

I know it's been forever since I have written...but we still don't have Internet at home and I find myself wanting to spend my (increasingly limited) free time at home rather than tracking down wi-fi networks.

I (finally) started my job Nov.1, and even though it's only part-time for now, it's been busy since the get-go. I'm doing Career Counseling for undergrads, and the closer it gets to graduation, the more panic-stricken seniors I get in my office. (I'm expecting there to be hordes by March). I like it though, since it gives me an opportunity to both do individual counseling and also event planning and administrative stuff; I'm just hoping it gets upped to full-time in the near future, as I both need more time to get everything done, but also could really use a full-time salary and health benefits. I may also start volunteering at a local clinic; more on that as it happens.

Brian's finishing up the first semester of his Master's in Theology (his last exam is tomorrow), and we head back to NC on the 26th. I can't believe it's been almost 6 months since we left--it seems like it's been forever and no time at all, simultaneously. We're already thinking about where we might end up next (so far the choices are staying here, Pittsburgh, DC, and New York, with more to come I'm sure).

Life is an adventure right now..and I kind of like it that way.

St. Gerard, Pray for Us

2010-10-27T11:13:00.000-07:00

The recent feast day of St. Gerard, patron saint of pregnancy, motherhood, and infertility, made me think about infertility, its impact on myself, and also what it means to be infertile living in our modern world.

When I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) in 2007, it was an incredibly painful time for me. My sister was pregnant with my niece, so I struggled with the dual emotions of rejoicing for her and being aware that it might be possible that I would never be able to rejoice in a similar way for myself. Add the fact that Brian was Catholic (and I wasn’t really on the road to becoming Catholic myself, then) and opposed to birth control/IVF of any type and my doctor’s telling me that the ONLY treatment for me was, guess what, birth control, added up to one troubled and confused college senior.

Since then, I’ve gained another niece and a nephew, and more wisdom about PCOS than my initial, “I’ll never be a parent! Brian and I can never get married because he doesn’t believe in birth control and they’re telling me I’ll have to be on it forever!” allowed. Not only was I able to get off birth control (more than 2 years of being on it made me realize that a.) it didn’t give me “less painful periods” like they promised, b.) it made my always frequent mood swings worse, and c.) it made me just feel miserable—constantly tired and bloated) but I’ve been more able to come to terms with the fact that “parenthood” doesn’t only exist for families that were able to have biological children.

I’ve come, also, to believe that birth control and IVF are wrong, not because I’m just accepting Catholic teaching, but also because I’ve witnessed it for myself. Being on a constant extra dose of hormones did not make me a better person in the least, and, knowing more than most about the eugenics movement in the United States, it’s become more than apparent that birth control is really used for population control (especially in “less desirable” populations, ie, non-white, non-rich, those with disabilities, etc. etc. ) IVF not only is unnatural (God made children grow inside a mother, not a petrie dish, for a reason), it also lends itself to making “designer babies”, allowing parents to choose the children’s eye color, hair color, and assuring that they aren’t born with disabilities of any kind. Master Race, anyone?
I know there are many out there that would argue that IVF has helped many families have children…I’m sure that’s true, but I also know there are a lot of parentless children out there, and it makes more sense to match parentless children and childrenless parents then it does to create babies in a lab.

Being an infertile female in a society seemingly obsessed with pregnancy—teen moms! octuplets! celebrity moms! abortion!—can, admittedly, be painful. Going to baby showers and birthday parties for kids, and knowing you may never reciprocate those invitations is like being stabbed in the heart a little each time. But I believe that God did make me infertile for a reason. Maybe it’s because there’s a child (or children) out there waiting for myself and Brian to become their parents. Maybe it’s because this whole experience has made me vastly more appreciative of the miracle that is conception and human life. Maybe because I’m meant to advocate a pro-life stance to those who I come across in my daily life. Whatever the reason, I know it’ll be a struggle, especially as friends and family start asking us…”So…when are you going to start a family?” I don’t have any other answer than “When God thinks that it is the right time”, because I am in an utter lack of control about when we have children. Whether and when it happens is not up to us in the least.

St. Gerard, pray for us.

A Baking-deprived world

2010-10-01T07:31:00.000-07:00

For years, people have been telling me that I should sell my baked goods, and for just as many years I’ve been thinking that they were crazy. Who would pay for cookies when they can just make their own?

Recently, I made a cake for a pot-luck dinner and had someone ask, “Wow! How did you make this?”. This question dumbfounded me…do people really not know how to make cakes? My response was, “well, I just followed the recipe. It’s not hard” and she responded, “well, it doesn’t look like any cake I’ve ever seen!” (For the record, it was a chocolate chip bundt cake with a chocolate glaze.)

I grew up in a family of bakers…my mom always baked at holidays, for school bake sales, and for birthdays (when I was 6, she made me a three-tier birthday cake that looked like a carosel). Both my grandmothers baked, and when I was 8 I started not only helping them bake but also baking on my own. (My easy-bake oven never worked right, so I just graduated straight to the real thing).

I’ve been baking ever since…when my parents got divorced, it was really a source of comfort, and has continued to be that way. In college and grad school, I baked nearly every week, for bible studies and staff meetings, and just because I felt like it and wanted a good dessert. But I’ve never considered my baking special…I’ve never been to culinary school, and don’t know fancy tricks or names or how to make pastry or have any decorating skills. But more and more I’m realizing that cooking, and especially baking, is becoming a lost art. Most people don’t go to the effort to make things from scratch anymore, and many of them wouldn’t know where to start if they wanted to. (In college, I made a pumpkin pie in the dorm and had tons of people tell me it was just like their mom’s…I was, again, dumbfounded. What will they do when they want a pie and their mom isn’t there to make it for them? The obvious answer here is buy one from the store, but, as a baker, this never occurred to me.)

More and more I’ve been realizing a.) how much happier baking makes me than almost anything else and b.) it’s not as common a skill as I always believed. Just today, buying cream cheese at Target to make a cheesecake, the check out clerk told me, “You know, it’s much cheaper to just buy one”. I just stood gaping dumbly at her..just buy one? What?

Before I moved here, I had a coworker suggest that I contact the coffee shop in town and ask if they would be interested in selling my baked goods, as an extra source of income. Shocking even myself, I did, never expecting anything to come from it.
I’m still not sure if anything will come from it, but I have a meeting with the owners Saturday morning and am fixing up a slew of my best cookies, cakes, and pies for them to taste (snickerdoodles, cream-topped NY cheesecake, cream-cheese frosted red velvet cake, lemon bundt cake with almond frosting, and chocolate chip pie). Maybe the only thing that will happen is that they ‘ll have a very tasty Saturday morning (and all the friends we’re inviting over Saturday night to eat the rest will enjoy it, too), but I won’t regret it. I like sharing what I’ve baked, and if it makes someone’s day better, then I’ve achieved my purpose.

But…making a career out of it wouldn’t be too bad either.

A New Year for TV

2010-09-27T12:20:00.000-07:00

Given that fall TV started back this week, I thought I would give an update on some of my favorite (and new favorite) shows.

Old Shows:

--Glee:

I have to admit, I wasn't thrilled with the season's first episode. Rachel was even more shrill and annoying than usual, I wasn't hooked by any of the songs, and the plotline wasn't even very funny. But I have high hopes for this week's Britney Spears episode and am hoping it leads to more 90s tributes...'N Sync anyone? Anyone?

--Bones:

I'm pleased that the characters are actually moving forward in their lives and in their relationships. I think the break of several months between last season and this was a good plot device to reinvigorate the series, and I'm looking forward to where it's going this year, especially in terms of Angela & Hodgins and their growing family.

--Grey's Anatomy:

I'm happy that this show,too, is letting its characters move forward (although to a less positive place than Bones). I don't know if it's just time or deliberate, but everyone, especially Meredith, is looking older. I hope she gets pregnant again and has a child with Derek; in general, the "commitment phobic" theme of the show is getting old and I really hope to see more marriages and children on the show in the future. The characters are clearly not in their early 20s anymore.

--Big Bang Theory:

Sadly, as this comes on at the same time as Bones and CBS does not post full episodes online, I'm not going to be able to watch BBT this year. But I'm getting the DVDs as soon as they come out!

New Shows: (I told myself I wouldn't pick up any, but I couldn't help myself)

--Top Chef Just Desserts:

I thought I would immediately love this show more than the original Top Chef, but I didn't. After 2 episodes, I'm finding it tolerable and am hoping to like it more in the future. General diva-ness detracts from the food, which is the whole reason I'm watching to begin with.

--The Event:

This is only the 2nd show ever that I've watched from the pilot episode (Glee being the first), and so far it's intriguing enough to make me watch more. Given how confusing the pilot was, I'm reserving judgment until I see some more, but I like the 24/Lost qualities it has and am so far committed to watching, at least for the near future.

--Parenthood:

I'm actually only watching the first season (which just came to DVD), but I absolutely love it and am looking forward to catching up on Season 2. It's realistic and easy to relate to without being depressing, and I love that they brought in the Asperger's plotline (I practically feel like I'm a character on the show, in the form of Max's behavioral therapist). I am really enjoying this show, and hope it stays so wonderful.

Looking Ahead

2010-09-13T11:35:00.001-07:00

Despite the fact that I've been recently spending all my time battling with my old apartment complex (they FORGOT to bill me for water since March, even though I asked them why I wasn't getting bills. Their answer: there are no new charges. Their answer now: It's the billing company's fault. But you still owe us. The billing company said they would "research" why I wasn't billed for 4 months and get back to me. They haven't.) I have lots to look forward to.

Not the least of them is the fact that I GOT A JOB! It's only a part time job right now, which means I'll more than likely have to find my own health insurance (blast) and is still paid based on hours worked. But, it's a job, and hopefully it will result in a full-time position sometime in the next year.

Plus, I got a bike, which has been really fun to ride despite the brutal temperatures here (still 90 degrees every day, with a 100+ degree heat index). This will also allow us to pursue selling my car, which will hopefully pay the aforementioned health care bills.

I'm looking forward to the temperature here getting at least a little cooler (that's going to happen soon...right?) and being able to go to the beach once that happens. According to our neighbors, beach season starts in October. You know you want to visit us this winter. Then I'll have something else to look forward to!

A Letter to the UNC Board of Governors

2010-08-30T11:01:00.000-07:00

After the news came out that UNC's student health plan covers abortions, and that students that opt out of the abortion coverage still pay the same premium, I felt inclined to write. I wavered on using the word "murder" so many times, but let's call a spade a spade, shall we? It's not like they can expel me...

To the University of North Carolina Board of Governors:
I am a graduate of the class of 2008, with a Bachelor’s in English, as well as the class of 2010, with a Master’s in Social Work. Throughout my 6 years at UNC, I was proud to be affiliated with such a long-standing, prestigious institution. However, recent news has caused me to doubt that this affiliation is as honorable as I once believed.
I was truly distressed to learn that not only the most recent student healthcare plan but also past plans included funding for abortions, and provides no true way for protesting students to opt out of this murderous coverage addition. There are some students for whom UNC heathcare coverage may be the best or the only option for them to access to healthcare; in these cases, it seems undeniably underhanded to charge students who object to abortion the same premium as students who may utilize these services. Despite that some students choose to eliminate this option from their personal healthcare plan, they are, through their premiums, still forced to pay for the murder of other students’ children.
I agree with UNC’s stated objective to provide better heathcare to its students; however, the murder of children who may be future students does not seem the best way to go about this. An accessible student clinic, longer clinic hours, lower copays and costs for medications, options for mental health and substance abuse counseling—these things seem designed to improve the student health care plan. Abortion, the elective murder of an unborn child, does not improve health care; instead, help pregnant students gain access to prenatal vitamins, doctor’s appointments, and, might I suggest, improve the utterly dismal childcare program currently in place for students. Instead of assisting students to murder their children, help them to have a healthy pregnancy and find options to continue their schooling. A pregnant student is nothing to be ashamed of—but a system which advocates enforced payment of abortion, regardless of whether or not a student would choose to exercise that option, surely is. I look forward to seeing UNC create a satisfactory solution in this matter that does not include the murder of unborn children.

Sincerely,

Sarah Truluck Battersby, ‘08

A Tear-Stained Requiem

2010-08-10T10:49:00.000-07:00

It’s Saturday as I write this, and it’s been almost a week since Brian woke me up late one night to say there were police lights flashing outside our window. Since the only thing outside our window is swamp, I told him he had dreamt it and to go back to sleep..when I saw them too. Another police car had pulled up on the main road, to the left of the swamp. Finally, after watching a while, we figured it must be someone getting pulled for speeding, or animal control to pick up a pesky alligator, and went back to sleep. But the next morning, we woke up to find that we had been looking out the window as a young man’s life (on earth, anyway) ended.

A local teenager, who had just graduated from the high school in town and was starting his freshman year here this fall, had been going too fast on the roads (a tempting thing to do, as there’s never any traffic), and lost control of the car, crashing off the road and into one of the many canals. A friend had been with him , and managed to get out of the sinking car and run for help…but too late. The young man, Alex, was drowned and since then, I think the whole town has been in some kind of shock.

Yesterday, there was a wake for him, and Brian and I decided to go as we’re community members now and we wanted to show our support for his family. This is when we realized that we’re FAR from community members. Most of the wake was teenagers weeping inconsolably for the loss of their friend (girls and guys alike), and we felt so out of place that we left shortly after arriving. This morning, Brian showed up at church for the reguarly scheduled confession time only to find a Requiem Mass going on…he awkwardly slunk out. Meanwhile, I went to the fitness room, only to come out to find the whole town congregated in the town center while his caskett was loaded into the hearse.

This whole process has struck me in a number of ways….the first being that we’re so unconnected from the community here that we had no idea most of this was going on, not to mention how we should respond. The second is my general reaction to funerals, and especially viewings, which is that I hate them. Especially yesterday, as several teenage girls were lead up the aisle weeping, I felt that I couldn’t bear that much suffering. By the time I left I too was in tears.

I’m such an empathetic crier that I burst into tears when my 2-year-old niece gets a scraped knee and bawls. I can’t tell you how ridiculous that feels, not to mention a tad embarrasing. At the funeral of one of my elderly clients, I cried so hard her daughter had to console me, instead of the other way around. I don’t know if this is comforting to people (well, at least I’m not the only one crying!) or incredibly offputting, but I know I can’t control it no matter how hard I try. I’ve been to several vigils for people who died while I was in college and whom I didn’t know well, but I always ended up in tears. Although I know that funerals are meant to honor the person who died, I often find them so sad and heart-wrenching that I avoid them at all costs, even skipping the recent viewing and funeral of my Great-Uncle Banks, who died before I left NC .

Is it pure avoidance, or that I prefer to remember people as I knew them alive, a task made easier if I haven’t seen them embalmed? I don’t know. But I do know that if you ever need someone to cry with, I’m only a box of tissues away.

Still Searching

2010-08-05T10:05:00.000-07:00

...for a job, that is. I've had one interview so far, but haven't heard back yet..I'm hoping to soon, and praying that it's a positive outcome!

We've mostly settled in, and have figured out our way into town (Naples) for running errands (I got my library card yesterday, and picked up a Driver's Handbook so I can go get my Florida driver's license soon). Brian's orientation for his Master's program is the 24th, and his classes start the 3oth. It feels incredibly strange not to be going back to school...I do miss it, getting my new textbooks was always my favorite part of the year. Do I see another degree in my future? We'll see, I guess..

Other than that, not much has happened. We're still grappling with the amazing assortment of very large bugs that seem to live near us, not to mention birds that fly by with Maddy-sized animals in their talons (needless to say, we've been very careful to be sure she doesn't get out!) We still don't have internet at home (we're waiting until I get a job to add extra expenses) so I'm a bit out of the loop in terms of current events and the like.

Here's hoping I have some good news in terms of a job to report back soon!

Hello, Florida

2010-07-19T10:46:00.001-07:00

Well, we've been here for nearly 2 weeks...and although we both miss friends and family back home, I'm learning to enjoy our new place in life.

We've met some of the neighbors, and last night went over to our directly-across-the-street neighbor's house for some dessert, and met some more of the neighborhood. Most of the street is made up of grad students or people who work at the university, and most (really, nearly all) of the couples have young children or are pregnant. I'll admit, I feel kind of weird about this, since we're not ready to have kids just yet, and, because of my PCOS, don't even know if we can have children biologically. But, it will certainly be useful if we do, to have so many experienced young moms in the area, and, hopefully, LOTS of hand-me-down baby furniture and clothes!

The wildlife has been an adjustment...Ave Maria is essentially a swamp, so we're battling mosquitoes constantly, which isn't terribly new given that we grew up in New Bern, also a swamp. But, the gators (there is apparently a large 7-foot one that lives in the pond in our neighborhood, and a smaller once that lives in the pond in the park across the street), the wild boar, and the panthers, not to mention the usual raccoons and possum, hawks, egrets, and palmetto bugs, makes me feel like a pioneer living in as-yet-unsettled land. It certainly makes going for walks an adventure!

I'm still trying to find my feet and get a job...the sun is so bright out it's hard to drive, or go out at all, during the middle of the day. It's strange to be in a place where the beach season is October to May! I'll post more updates as I have them...prayers and thoughts appreciated in the meantime!

Leaving Raleigh

2010-06-28T18:17:00.001-07:00

With a week to go until we officially move out (and I can't say I'm not looking forward to it...given the half-packed, cramped, mouldy, and currently being re-roofed status of my apartment, I can't but be glad to leave).

But, I have been thinking about things I'll miss (and NOT miss) about Raleigh, and the Triangle in general.

So, here goes:

What I'll Miss:

The variety of food, in particular my favorite restaurants Jasmine's (Lebanese), the Tangerine Cafe (Thai), and Tandoor (Indian).
All the performing arts in the area, in particular DPAC and seeing the Nutcracker at Memorial (even if one of the candy canes DOES always drop his hula hoop into the orchestra pit).
Being here in the fall when the leaves change and the air gets crisp
UNC in the spring, when the azaleas bloom
All the libraries to choose from
Downtown Raleigh and its very urban feel (but impossible-to-drive one-way streets)
Having a hairdresser I like
Being able to tell where someone is from in the state just by hearing them speak
All the plants I'm used to (pine trees being only one example)
My family being close
Southern Season

What I WON'T Miss:

The traffic! (even though I've come to learn to drive like a maniac in rush hour traffic, I've never learned to like it)
Harris Teeter (my brief foray into Publix has me already looking forward to shopping there)
It being cold in the winter
Living inland,and the resulting terrible seafood

All in all, I'm sad to leave...but don't worry, I'll be back.

Married Life

2010-06-21T06:51:00.000-07:00

Since Brian and I have now been married for 2 weeks, I thought it was time to write a post on how all the stress is gone and how wonderful it is.

*crickets*

Well, of course that hasn't happened. Primarily because a.) we've crammed all our stuff into my already-tiny one-bedroom apartment and b.) said tiny apartment flooded with water when my neighbor's water heater burst, and still has industrial fans in it trying to dry it out.

Plus this week we have to start packing up to move to Florida in 2 weeks, and as this is the third time in 3 years that I've moved, I'm not terribly excited...but I am more and more ready to leave the tiny apartment because of lack of space, and because the carpet is starting to mold.

I have to say though, it's fabulous to walk through the store and see wedding magazines, and go "I don't have to read those anymore!!!". I'm nearly finished writing thank-you notes for the truly fabulous wedding gifts we got, and once we move I'll actually have the space to use them.

Although it'll be strange to be 14 hours from family, instead of the 2 we're so used to, in a way it's like an adventure. That comes with a great townhouse. So I think I'm excited...now all I need is a job.

Humpty Dumpty Bride

2010-05-27T16:25:00.000-07:00

With the wedding less than 9 days away, I feel like I'm perpetually cracking in half. I keep picturing myself, instead of in a white dress, as a giant white egg cracked down the middle.

At the risk of sounding like a very un-bride-like broken record, I will be so glad to be on the other side of this. I could hug (despite the fact that I feel incredibly uncomfortable hugging people) whoever came up with honeymoons. Never in my life have I need a vacation as much as I do right now.

Bad Bride

2010-05-19T17:59:00.000-07:00

Yep, it's official--I'm a bad bride (also, apparently, a bad blogger).

I don't know about other brides, but I'm just ready for the stress and hoopla to be over. Admittedly, we've gotten most things done. But still...months ago when we were touring reception sites, I thought the wedding coordinator at the Sheraton who told me that wedding planning is a full-time job was crazy. It turns out, she wasn't.

It seemed like there weren't so many things to do...ceremony place, reception place, music, cake, food. HAHAHAHA. Excuse my slightly hysterical laughter.

There's also napkin and table covering choice, first dance songs, processional order for the reception, ceremony song choices (there are more of them than you think), going through books and books of invitations, wedding dress and all the many accompaniments (special underwear, sparkly headband, veil, shoes, earrings...), bridal portraits, wedding favors (sticking personalized labels on candy is NOT FUN), bridesmaid gifts, rehearsal dinner plans....

And of course, navigating the familial minefield that makes up mine and Brian's life. I won't go into it...I may need a flowchart and a heavy dose of therapy.

Honestly....I'm getting married because I'm looking forward to the marriage (well, most days...sometimes I think I'll miss having my own apartment, not to mention bed). It seems to me, given the many bridal magazines I've looked at and of course, liberal doses of Sex and the City, that most women that get married do it because they're looking forward to the wedding. No wonder so many people get divorced.

Here's hoping my wedding dread results in a fabulous marriage.

Getting my spark back

2010-04-17T06:23:00.001-07:00

Brian said something recently that really stuck with me--my spark has darkened. I think he's right; over the past few years, I've let personal/work drama drag me down. Currently, job applications/rejections and the stress of finishing school/wedding planning/moving has gotten me down (cue several breakdowns recently).

But, I've decided that Florida is going to be a a new start. We'll be living somewhere new (an awesome two-story townhouse in the grad student housing section), meeting new people, and starting our married life. I'm leaving all the stress and drama behind me in NC.

That's not to say I won't have stress/drama in Florida, but what I can change is how I react to it. Even though I'm super nervous about moving into the unknown with no job lined up as yet, I'm excited for the change. I think it's been a long time coming and all I can do is embrace it.

In countdown news: 3 weeks till graduation. 49 days till the wedding.

Long, long overdue update

2010-03-25T17:49:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know that I have shamefully neglected this blog in recent weeks. But, I've had a LOT going on!

Wedding planning! Figuring out where we're moving! Finishing school!

Ok, that's an excuse. But still.

As far as wedding planning, we've got most of the big details hammered out (my mom and Brian's mom are addressing the invitations back in New Bern as I write this), and despite some setbacks (Swoozie's, who originally was doing my invitations, went bankrupt and we had to switch vendors. We're really happy with the end result, done by The Write Image in Cary! Plus my bridesmaid dress was discontinued and David's Bridal kept getting the new choice mixed up which resulted in some disgruntled, confused customers), things are coming along. Now we're faced with the smaller details--what the choir is singing, what readings there are going to be, what the flowers are going to look like, what food is going to be served, etc.

As far as the future goes, Brian got into Ave Maria! We're going down in 2 weeks to check things out and hopefully sign a lease. I don't have any job prospects just yet, but I'm hopeful. We're also trying to find him some scholarships, since the government doesn't seem to want to fund doctorates in theology, and his eyesight is too good for scholarships in that area (you basically have to be truly blind to qualify).

As far as school goes, only 5 weeks and exams left! WHOO! I've lost all my motivation, and I feel like I'm already halfway in the future. It's a serious struggle to keep going to my internship and finish up my final papers. The end of an era is in sight, and the start of something new--Florida, married life, and a job of some kind--are on the horizon. It's terribly scary and terrifically exciting all at the same time.

You can just call me the Invisible Gnome

2010-02-20T19:35:00.000-08:00

I am so, so tired of being "the intern". The one who does all the background work but never gets the credit (hence my mentioning yesterday, sarcastically, that I am just the invisible office gnome...and now it's taken hold as my nickname). Several times recently I've been outright ignored when staff are mentioned, and just tonight a volunteer, who is working UNDER ME was given credit while I wasn't. #I%&O&%O#U%#O!!!!

SERIOUSLY.

I am working 24 hours a week FOR FREE, the least you could do is give me some credit.

Also, I am tired of being introduced as, "This is Sarah, the intern". To me, it feels like saying, "This is Sarah, the office parrot". I also think people assume things about me when they hear "intern", ie, I'm not competent, I'm young (I always introduce myself as a second-year graduate student to make the point that I'm not as young as I look).

I did a lot of work recently on a big assignment and now I'm being given credit as doing "background research" but not writing it, which I did, with some edits by my supervisor.

Yep. You can call me the Invisible Gnome. I'm the one sitting in the corner, without a staff nametag, or one that says "intern" in enormous letters. Because you can't be a part of the staff if you're just the intern.

Bridal Breakdown

2010-02-15T18:55:00.000-08:00

Yes, it has happened. I've had my first Bridal Breakdown.

It was mostly precipitated by David's Bridal, who are showing themselves to be incredibly incompetent, and that's me being nice.

The story:
In December, I went to try on wedding dresses. It was a busy day, so I wasn't too upset the consultant wasn't paying too much attention, since I hate overbearing salespeople anyway. When I went in January to pick it up, though, I was pretty pissed off that when the saleslady wrote down the number on my dress, they wrote it down WRONG. So the dress they ordered was not only a dress I'd never seen, but it was also $107.75 MORE than the dress I wanted.

At the time, I was panicking so much that I didn't say much other than "fix it!". David's Bridal didn't offer any apologies, and at first didn't believe me...but eventually I got them to reorder the right one and give me the difference in money in store credit.

This past week, I went in for my first fitting..when I went to pay, I requested to put my store credit towards the fitting fee, and produced the exchange receipt. Which they then insisted they couldn't honor because I didn't have some coded card (which they never gave me). Then they tried to take the receipt. I finally got them to honor the store credit, but still no apologies for all of this.

In short...I nearly had a meltdown in the store.

Honestly, I don't ask for much. I'm usually pretty genial, and I ask that in return. David's Bridal: EPIC FAIL.

Besides the dress debacle, all the details to think about is making my grind my teeth more than usual. I've started to break out in a sweat (literally, I turn red and start sweating, it's not a pretty sight) whenever anything wedding comes up. By the end of the 2 1/2 hours I spent in Swoozies looking at invitations, I was dripping.

Combine this with 5 classes, 24 hours a week in internship, not having the SLIGHTEST idea where I'll be post-wedding or what I'll be doing...yeah, I'm freaking out. HELP!

Note: Make that 2nd breakdown. Man, this kinda sucks.

Wedding website

2010-02-06T20:24:00.000-08:00

Yes, I have at last created one. I've tried to minimize the cheese.

If you want to look at it, you can go to:

http://www.theknot.com/ourwedding/SarahTruluck&BrianBattersby

In other wedding news, I picked out invitations today, and it made me entirely frazzled. Spending nearly 2 1/2 hours looking at endless books of designs, colors, fonts, and wording is not for me. I'm proud to say, though, that I DID pick one, and fonts, and colors, and what it will say. *whew* That's one big thing done...much bigger than I realized in fact. June 5 is starting to seem very, very close...

Wedding updates

2010-01-25T12:49:00.001-08:00

So, since it seems like all I've been doing lately is wedding planning (really, who cares about school?) I thought I would give an update. And maybe a school update too since, you know, it's moderately important.

So, wedding update:

I bought my wedding dress and picked out the bridesmaid dresses, Brian picked out his tux and the groomsmen's, and we're working on our wedding registries (finished one, working on the other two). We've also booked a car to take us from the wedding and the reception, sent out save-the-dates, and are working on booking our honeymoon (in Charleston).

Next up: Figuring out the music for the ceremony (Brian's choir, the Vox Clara Schola [I think that's what it's called, anyway] is going to be doing all the music), picking out invitations, and buying our wedding rings. I also have a dress fitting in a few weeks.

Whew! Things are moving fast (only a little more than 4 months now), and it seems to be getting more real by the second. I'm alternately excited and terrified. Brian's set to hear from grad schools in mid-March so that's not doing much to remedy the situation. BUT, hopefully by April 1 we will know something about where we'll be moving.

A short update on school (because that's all I can stand), here are the classes I'm taking this semester:

Disability Policy (interesting, but most of what we're learning I know already and it's not a long enough class to get into new things)
Evaluation (it has a longer title, but i'm not interested in learning it)
Grant writing (which has so far proved to be VERY useful)
Financial management of nonprofits
Facilitative leadership (iffy, b/c we're using a model the professor's husband developed).

I'm tired just looking at the list.

As we rocket towards June, I'll try to keep updating...maybe I'll even add a "days to graduation" calendar..

2009 in review

2010-01-04T17:03:00.000-08:00

Similar to last year, I thought I would review my favorite books/movies of 2009 (I also admit to needing a more positive post after the last one).

So, first up: books.

Series I've gotten into this year:

Mr. and Mrs. Darcy mystery series. These are a much more lighthearted take on Darcy and Elizabeth than Rebecca Ann Collins' Pemberly Chronicles, and despite being slightly predictable, they're a fun easy read.
Elizabeth Peter's Amelia Peabody series. Amelia is possibly one of my favorite literary characters ever, if only because this series put "Good Gad!" in my vocabulary.
The Sookie Stackhouse Southern Vampire series. This is the basis for the HBO show True Blood, and the best way I can describe it is Twilight, except for adults and with good writing. And no cheesy romance. Or teenage angst.
The Mistress of the Art of Death series. History + mystery=a good book for me.

Other good books I chanced upon this year:

Books by Georgette Heyer (so far I've read The Convenient Marriage, Black Sheep, and Cotillion. ) They were written in the 1920s and set in the 1820s, and are funny without being cheesy.
Lucy Sullivan is Getting Married. This was good British chick lit.
Eats, Shoots, and Leaves. This is heaven for an English major. Or, former English major.
My Sister's Keeper. Despite the ending being really sad, it was very fitting--not to mention fantastic.

As for movies, I haven't seen too many this year, but a few stand out:

Julie & Julia. This made my favorite books last year, and the movie definitely lived up to its name. Meryl Streep is fabulous as Julia Child, and the Amy Adams sections reminds me of many, many times when I've been cooking and freaked out when I get overheated and things aren't working out the way I wanted.
It's Complicated. Yet another Meryl movie, this one nailed divorce right on its complicated head (cheers for a movie that recognizes how hard divorce can be on kids). AND it's funny. A winner.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I think this is my favorite Harry Potter movie. Funny teenage love angst, combined with fighting Voldemort, made for an excellent movie.
Night at the Museum 2: Battle at the Smithsonian. Amy Adams's Amelia Earheart was the key in this movie. I also liked that the sculptures and pictures came to life too.
Star Trek. Brian drug me to this, but I ended up liking it--action + space should equal Battlestar Galactica...but, it turned out, can equal this too.

Reflections on 2009

2010-01-02T19:10:00.000-08:00

The more I think about it, the more I realize that 2009 was a decidedly mixed year. From Brian's dad's heart attack (a year from today!), to being made supervisor at summer camp, to moving to Cary (Brian and I are living in the same town for the first time in 6 years!) to struggling to maintain my (conservative) identity at school, to wedding planning, it's been up and down constantly.

Recently I've also come to realize that caring for my parent's medical ailments doesn't start when I'm 40--it starts now. From buying my dad diabetic cookbooks for Christmas (yes, I really did) to nagging him to not buy/eat sugary stuff, to taking my mom to colonoscopy appointments and consulting with the doctor afterwards--we're all growing older. That never really hit me until this year. The bursitis in my hip started flaring up, as did my dad's--and the spectre of hip replacements dances on the horizon like a nasty, unwanted sugarplum.

With only 5 months and 3 days left until the wedding, and about 4 months left until I graduate, lose my insurance, and become seriously unemployed (at least now I can put "student" as my occupation), it's going to be a year for big changes. I'm excited about graduating--I've never wanted to go back to school less and I am SERIOUSLY tired of being "the intern"--but terrified of finding my first real job, moving somewhere as yet unknown (but hopefully not for too much longer!) and setting up a married life when I'm so used to this one.

If you pray, add me in. I'll need it.

2 1/2 weeks til freedom

2009-11-29T13:42:00.000-08:00

....from this semester at least.

I have to say, I will be GLAD it is over, really more glad than I can ever remember being. Between my community theory class where I regularly spar with the teacher over her beliefs and choice of guest speakers, my intense nonprofit law class, and my excellent-opportunity-but-overwhelming-workload internship (not to mention my inability to find a job and time to do it in), I need a break. As I had mentioned in an earlier post, I was hoping to make it to Thanksgiving without losing it. Well, I was close...SO close...but it didn't happen. I managed to burst into tears in the middle of a large (and important) meeting at my internship, when they told me I had to go back to the office by myself for most of the day, while everyone else went out to lunch and then home early.

The next 2 weeks will be just as crazy as the last few...2 conferences, 2 finals, a final presentation and paper, an RFA to write, a family reunion, not to mention wedding dress shopping and going to see the Nutcracker..

Needless to say, I'll be glad for a break. But it keeps hitting me, at random moments, that this is the last year I'll really be doing these things, coming back to school after a holiday, buying textbooks, even living in NC...it's a little over 6 months before Brian and I get married, but things are already going fast. We'll likely be moving to Florida, DC, or Chicago (depending on where he gets into grad school), so next year, if we even make it back for Thanksgiving, will more than likely involve a plane flight and (hopefully!!!) going back to some sort of job on Monday. It's strange to think that, as many years as I've been trucking back and forth from New Bern and the Triangle (this makes 6), it will soon all be over. I'm not sure yet whether I'm happy, or utterly, utterly miserable about that yet. Stay tuned.

Marathon

2009-11-14T13:45:00.000-08:00

I realized I haven't posted in a while...but my excuse is that I have been running a marathon.

If you know me at all, you'll know that this is not an actual marathon (I never run, both because I have bad knees and because I find running boring), but a work-related one.

All my assignments have ended up in the end of the semester, including what will probably be a 30+ page paper (it's currently 20 and I'm still working), a terrifying law exam, and lots of marketing & fundraising reading and papers. Not to mention all the work I have for my internship--a 3-day long Council meeting, 2 conferences, one workshop, my mid-year evaluation, and writing an RFA, which is really a big deal and is thus terrifying.

Not to mention wedding stuff...we finally got our engagement pictures made (but haven't seen them yet), and I have a host of things to do before the New Year, including finalizing the guest list, sending out save-the-dates, reserving a block of hotel rooms for people coming in out of town, finding a (preferably antique) car to take us from the church to the reception, and, of course, buying a wedding dress.

Whew.

I'm positive I'm going to fall flat on my face, but hopefully I'll manage to accomplish all this before that happens. It's looking unlikely at this point...just in the past 2 days, I fell asleep while reading and also while sitting up.

I am currently accepting assistance in the form of tasty food.

Peeves

2009-10-16T08:05:00.000-07:00

Today, Brian is out of town so I am treating myself to several things I've been wanting to do: Go to the library (I haven't been in nearly 2 months and I am seriously running out of things to read), eat at a cheap Thai place I like (soup and an entree for $6!), and watch one (maybe 2) of my favorite girly movies.

But first, I just have to rant about 2 things.

1.) People assuming I am 15. I am not. I have crow's feet around my eyes, people. These are not the crow's feet of a 15 year old.

Also, it is not appropriate to approach me, someone you've never met, and ask me, a.) if i'm a student (why does this matter? People can be students at any age), b.) when I stress that I am a GRADUATE student, feel the need to comment on how young I look (example from this past weekend..."you look like a young'un!") b/c NO, you're not the first person to ever tell me that, and no, I don't appreciate it. People don't walk up to you and say you look old. But you do. and c.) expect me to smile and thank you. I'm not going to thank you. I may appreciate it when I'm 40, but not if it means you can't respect me professionally and as a person. Also, you're weird for feeling the burning need to ask if I am fifteen. What's it to you?

Also, lately I've had people asking if my nose is real. WHAT? Of course it is. But apparently it's what people are asking for when they get a nose job now. That is just strange. Yes , my nose is real (my dad and grandma have the exact same nose, so I can prove it), but if it wasn't, don't you think that would make me feel pretty self-conscious about my fake nose?

2.) Comprehensive sex-ed in schools.

Everybody at school takes it for granted that we all want this. But I don't. Not only do I think it's creepy/inappropriate to discuss sex with children, I think it's the wrong answer to teen pregnancy. Should there be less teen pregnancy? Well, probably...but abortion/using contraception is not the answer.

Instead of asking how we can help children have sex, we should be asking WHY ON EARTH 13-year-olds want to have sex in the first place. I'm not completely naive (I did go to a pretty poor public middle school, after all...I started having pregnant girls in my class in 6th grade), I know they have sex. But is it because they really want to, or because our society has created an environment where everything is sexualized, including children? Are they having sex because they feel like they have to to be normal?

I vividly remember a boyfriend I had when I was about 15 telling me we needed to have sex b/c normal couples did. Thank goodness I had enough common sense to tell him this was crazy, but I know not every girl does. Shouldn't we be telling kids that it's ok NOT to have sex, instead of stressing that they should, and use protection while doing it? Shouldn't we be telling them it's ok to still act like kids BECAUSE THEY ARE, instead of turning them into adults at 12 when they're emotionally unready for the consequences?

I am 24 years old, and I've never had sex. I'm positive I'm not the only person on this planet capable of that decision. Is it hard? Yes. Sometimes I do wish I could be like the gang on Sex and the City...but then I think about how emotionally screwed up Carrie Bradshaw is. I mean, really...she has to use clothes and shoes to feel good about herself. Is this the message we're sending our teenagers?

Comprehensive sex ed is not the answer. Letting kids know it's ok not to have to be sexual is. Some kids may still choose to...but there are others who are sitting in that class, feeling awkward b/c their boyfriend is pressuring them and they're being told it's ok for him to do that as long as he brings a condom. And they need to be supported in saying no. It is ok to say no at 13. It is ok to say no at 24. Sex is not the answer, and I don't want my kids, if I have any, to be told that it is. And I don't want to pay for a public school system that does it to other people's kids, my niece for example. As someone I know says, "That's not right". And it isn't.

Wedding planning updates

2009-10-04T19:08:00.000-07:00

So, having just finished a 5-page paper on group dynamics and theory which I started approximately 4 1/2 hours ago (there was lots of office watching and dealing with cake tasting leftovers in between), I thought I would provide an update on our wedding plans. Anything to avoid school at this point, really.

We had florist appointments and cake tastings this week, and I'm feeling positive about our overall progress thus far.

A recap:

Wedding: June 5th
Ceremony: Sacred Heart Cathedral, Raleigh
Reception: Sister's Garden
Photographer: Aperature Aficionado (Holly & Andrew Wagner)
Reception band: The Boilermakers (swing)
Flowers: Kelly Odum (we picked dark pink, blue/green, and coral as the main flower colors)
Cake: Cinda's Creative Cakes

The cake process was really awesome...she had us look through her albums and mark any features we liked, and then did a sketch while we talked, so we came away what our wedding cake will most likely look like. Plus we had three 10-inch cakes to eat at the end. I'll post a scan of the design if I get a copy.

Next up: Finalizing our invitation list and buying invitations. It does seem like it's getting more real as things move along!

Business as usual

2009-09-27T12:05:00.001-07:00

I know I haven't written in a while...but that's mainly because I haven't had anything to say. I continue to not be motivated to do school-related things (especially when they pertain to Community Theory, aka, the class I want to end RIGHT NOW.)

I haven't made any more wedding progress (although I do have florist and cake appointments this week).

I will comment on all the TV shows that are now back from their summer break:

Top Chef--much more predictable than last season. But still good.
House--I actually liked the premiere, and may keep watching even though I didn't plan to watch at all this season.
Bones--So far excellent as usual. And excellently gross.
Glee--No words can describe how much I love this show. I just hope they don't lost their momentum and end up like Ugly Betty, more drama than comedy.
Grey's Anatomy--I'm not sure how I feel about the whole Mercy West merger. And the fact that Meredith, Izzie, and Derek will be gone for parts of the season.
The Office. I just got addicted to this thanks to Brian (and my very Michael Scott-like boss at my internship), but so far I like it. Plus a girl I went to England with is supposed to be in an episode soon.

Obviously this is far more TV than I should really be watching...but I'm going to watch it anyway. School isn't exactly so riveting that it tears me away.

I'm just holding out for Thanksgiving.

Settling in

2009-09-07T17:34:00.000-07:00

2 weeks of school down...14 to go until Christmas break.

I've discovered so far this semester (like I didn't already know) that I'm just not into school anymore--the group projects, the papers, all the reading. I don't know if it's because I went straight from undergrad into grad school without a break and now have been in school for 17, going on 18, consecutive years, or the fact that most of my textbooks talk about "right wing repression" as the reason for all society's ills, or the fact that our DD system is so crappy out there right now that i feel like I need to DO something, instead of just sitting in a classroom and shadowing people as the intern. Don't get me wrong, I like my internship, and I've learned a LOT in the 6 days I've been there so far, but I'm tired. Tired of being a student, tired of having homework, tired of not getting paid for all the hours I put in, tired of being told that my political leanings caused everything that's wrong in the world.

I want to graduate, but I'm scared what will happen when I do. Brian's sending in the first of his grad school applications this week, and with that putting our living situation next year into limbo. Where will we be? Where will I find a job? How will we pay for things? Who knows.

In wedding news (i'm trying to stay positive about it despite all the fluctuating variables), I found a band for the reception thanks to some help from the Triangle Swing Dance Society. Next up: finding a florist. And graduating. Making it to graduation without exploding in "repressive right wing" anger is a big goal right now. We'll see how it goes.

Welcome back, Reality

2009-08-24T18:12:00.000-07:00

Today is the last day of my only week (well, really 10 days) off all summer. And I spent most of it either a.) running around Cary doing errands I didn't have time to do while I was working full-time or b.) in New Bern trying to juggle seeing both of my parents and Brian an equal amount of time. In other words, I don't think it should count as far as time off goes.

Now I'm back to reality, as school starts back tomorrow, and I am really dreading it. Not only do I not have a job yet (the school of social work is posting jobs on Wednesday, but as I'm sure most of my classmates are just as desperate as I am, I'm trying not to get my hopes up), but my classes this semester don't exactly tickle my fancy.

I'm taking:

Marketing and Fundraising
Nonprofit Law
Community Theory & Practice

Wahoo.

I'm also not looking forward to going back to the generally one-sided liberal climate of the school, and social work in general. I don't consider myself to be an incredibly conservative person, or a Republican at all, but compared to most opinions over there, I might as well be Ronald Reagan. Or Ann Coulter, my new hero (she's conservative AND sarcastic.) It's not that I don't like the people there--they are all very nice--but I am tired of being the only conservative voice (and the one constantly going, WAIT, what about people with disabilities?? People are starting to get annoyed with me, I think, but what ABOUT people with disabilities??). In conclusion, it could be a trying (and exhausting) semester.

In wedding news, we got a photographer. Next up, finding a band for the reception.

Wedding movies and expo

2009-08-17T11:08:00.000-07:00

This weekend was the Southern Bridal Expo (which was madness...more on that in a bit), so Lara and I decided to have a wedding movie marathon to psych ourselves up for it.

Here is the list of what we watched:

My Big Fat Greek Wedding
Father of the Bride
The Wedding Singer
The Wedding Date
Bride Wars
Four Weddings and a Funeral
Runaway Bride
The Wedding Planner

Here is what I have determined about weddings based on these movies:

If you are not engaged, you will be soon. If you are, you're probably engaged to the wrong person. But don't worry--you'll find the right person, no one will be upset, and you'll get married anyway.
Canceling weddings at the VERY last minute is not hard. Also, no one bothers about all the money you just wasted.
Weddings=awkward conversation and family members.
No one bothers to make arrangements to live together after the wedding if they're not already. In fact, a good number of brides are living with their parents.
Many wedding dresses are ugly, especially if they are from the 80s or early 90s.
Grooms don't get much, if any, of a say.

What I learned from the bridal expo is this:

Most people are WAY more serious about wedding planning than I am; they all had custom labels with their wedding dates printed up.
Apparently you are supposed to lose weight to "look your best". It seems like not such a smart idea to lose weight after you buy your dress, but gyms think it is.
Some bakeries can't make cake better than I can in my tiny apartment kitchen, and don't deserve to have me pay them for something I could do myself.
Champagne and lemonade is good. Pink rose champagne is not.

In other words, it was 3 hours of having people throw themselves at me to get me to agree to use them. In most cases, I was not inclined (for example, registering at Macy's...who can afford to buy anything there??), wearing a sticker that said "June" on it like it was my name, and registering for a LOT of free stuff, none of which I will probably win. I was disturbed, really, by the gyms that were there advertising "bridal boot camps". Why would you want to look not like yourself on your wedding day? Thin does not equal "looking your best". Urgh.

I am trying to take it one step at a time as far as planning goes...currently I am looking for a photographer. Hopefully that will be soon.

Moved at last

2009-08-09T16:26:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm in my new apartment at last, and mostly unpacked except for some odds and ends which are scattered about still. It does have its advantages over my old one, windows and a sink sprayer being the primary ones, plus a larger bedroom (not to mention the fact that it's $100 cheaper than my old one). I haven't figured out my way around Cary yet, which could be interesting/frustrating.

The week ahead, though, could be a grueling one--commuting to Chapel Hill every day for work, not to mention dealing with all the stuff the last week of camp involves (like having to clean out our room) and staff and kid burnout alike. Last week nearly every kid had a meltdown, even the ones that normally never do, and all the staff are starting to get on each other's nerves and be short with the kids, myself included.

If I get through this week, I get a week off before school starts, which is much needed; I'm already dreading school and having to do homework on top of working all the time. I still haven't found a part-time job for during the year, but I have a few ideas, so hopefully something will work out. If not, at least I'm living somewhere cheaper...

What a Week

2009-08-02T18:17:00.001-07:00

I think this was one of the most stressful weeks I can remember.

A few highlights:

One of my kid's basketballs got stolen out of the room we're using this summer
Another one of my kids broke his foot coming off the bus and is now in a walking cast with a walker for 6-8 weeks.
The evening cleaning people threw all our stuff out in the hallway Thursday night, leaving me to deal with it Friday morning.
It started pouring rain halfway through our cookout on Friday.
Whole Foods, where I've been working with my client, decided to "cease participation" in the summer program. Hence, I now loathe them, b/c they've treated us badly from the start and now they've "fired" us. Seriously, don't shop there. They are not nice to people with disabilities AND they're ridiculously overpriced.
I move on Saturday, and have been scrambling to pack--and now I'm living in a 2/3 packed , depressing, echoing apartment for a week. Blah.

On the plus side, I DID find a place for the wedding reception, which at least takes away some of the stress. And thank goodness camp ends in 2 weeks--I may not make it at this rate.

Wedding Madness (and other assorted kinds)

2009-07-25T18:21:00.001-07:00

So, now that Brian and I have moved the wedding to Raleigh, I'm scrambling to find a reception place before they all get booked. And I'm starting to realize what a truly huge job planning a wedding is.

This morning, we met with the wedding planner at the Sheraton--and it left me nervous (I basically shredded part of the folder she gave me, twisting it around while she talked), and when she said the price, I nearly burst into tears. I think at this point we've mostly decided on just having it at the Doggett Center, because it's someplace we're comfortable and it doesn't cost a ton to rent (at least, I'm assuming). But I still have to: find a caterer, a wedding cake baker, a dress, dresses/tuxes for the rest of the bridal party, flowers (for the church and the reception), figure out decorations (hopefully my stepmom will be helping me with this, but I still have to decide on a color scheme and generally what I want), invitations.....BLARGH!!! I've been pestering my family to put together a guest list for 2 months now and still haven't accomplished it, so God knows how I will get all this done.

Plus I'm moving in 2 weeks and haven't started packing, I'm starting my new internship at the end of August (not to mention 3 new classes), I have to decide whether I'm continuing with sign language on top of all this, and am worrying about being able to get a part time job.

In other words, I'm losing my mind. Help.

Movie Reviews: Take 2

2009-07-12T18:27:00.000-07:00

I've now seen 3 more movies (bringing my summer total up to 6...and I'm sure it will shortly be 7, as I'm dying to see the new Harry Potter movie). As before, I'll review them in the order that I liked them, which this time happens also to be the order I saw them in.

Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian
I actually thought this one was better than the first--it wasn't so much Ben Stiller-style awkward as just clever and funny. I especially liked it when the statues/paintings came to life--seeing giant sculpted balloon animals gallop about was just funny to me. I also really liked Amy Adams as Amelia Earheart; I thought she was more of a match for Larry than Carla Gugino's museum docent in the first one. Obviously, however, she goes back to being a wax figure at the end, but it was a fun, happy movie while it lasted.

Up
I went into this assuming it would be typical Pixar fare--happy, with good animation. WRONG.It was MUCH more serious this time, with heavy adult themes like infertility (which of course got me bawling), divorce (ditto), and death (I think you can probably detect a theme here). There were funny parts, of course, and the animation was great, but as I don't really like to mix tears and cartoons, it wasn't my favorite Pixar by far. Plus, the ending was only moderately happy. What gives?

Public Enemies
I went into this hoping it would be somewhat like The Untouchables. I have to say, they remain untouched. The plot was confusing and all over the place, the filming was odd (lots of face close-ups and quick swivels to other parts of the screen), I didn't get to see enough of the costumes and sets (the whole reason I go to see period films in the first place), and the characters were all very underdeveloped except for the three major ones, which really limited the storytelling capacity of the movie. In conclusion, I thought it was disappointing, but I was glad to see the return of LeeLee Sobieski at the end--even if it was as a clueless prostitute.

In non-movie news, I just realized I have a week off between work and school--hooray! I didn't think I did, so I'm very happy about this. I'm looking forward to some sleep...

FRUSTRATION

2009-07-10T18:33:00.000-07:00

I have to say, this summer is not turning out the way I imagined. Camp started out a mess (not well planned), which meant I had to scramble around to try and figure things out. Now, with the new fiscal year upon us, kids are losing their funding and our paychecks are getting cut. And of course I'm the one having to relay all this, which is in itself not so much fun.

In other words, I'm stressed out constantly trying to manage all the paperwork and planning for camp, not to mention having to worry about staff/kids getting cut any second. Plus worrying that I won't have a job come this fall, which is looking more and more likely. In other words, I'm really stressed out, and am pretty sure I'm headed for a nervous breakdown sooner rather than later.

Summer camp

2009-07-01T15:00:00.000-07:00

Well, we're nearly 1/3 through with the summer camp I'm supervising...and while it's going fairly well, it's exhausting. Which is the reason I haven't posted as often as I should have...

Since I can't discuss specifics (due to HIPPA, mostly), i'll just say that supervising is WAY harder than I anticipated. I'm almost looking forward to going back to being an intern. Almost. But I have enjoyed hanging out with all the kids, reading to them (right now we're finishing up A Cricket in Times Square and are about to start Holes), and doing fun stuff like going to the pool every week and outings on Friday (next Friday is the IMAX).

A couple of major life changes (or at least potential ones) have also occurred in the past couple of weeks, namely:

I decided to get my nonprofit certificate this year, so instead of taking a range of classes all of them will focus on some aspect of a nonprofit.
Brian and I are (hopefully) moving the wedding both to Raleigh and to June 5. We're still working on figuring out a place for the reception.
I'm contemplating going to law school. There happens to be one at Brian's top choice grad school, and the more I think about it, the more I think it would behoove me to know the law well, and also be able to defend people with disabilities on a higher level than I would be able to with just an MSW. Obviously I'm having to weigh this against being a student for 3 more years and all that entails...but I'm keeping my options open at this point.

Also, I can't believe i'm moving to Cary in 5 1/2 weeks! It's just insane. I'm sure I'll have plenty to talk about then...

An Update! At last!

2009-06-15T17:18:00.001-07:00

I know it's been forever since I updated...but truthfully, as I had a large paper due today, I was avoiding any kind of writing that I could.

But now school is over until August (not long enough, if you ask me), and I'm working full-time, supervising summer camp for the Arc. I'm going to have my hands full, I can tell. For the next 9 weeks, I anticipate being utterly exhausted. And then school starts back as soon as it's over.

As far as my Triangle to-do list goes, I've only accomplished trying 3 new restaurants, all of them in Raleigh:

The Flying Biscuit. This serves mostly breakfast, and you get a biscuit with every meal, even sandwiches. I thought it was reasonably priced for the amount of food you get, but there was a long wait and the service was a bit spotty. So, I might go back, but not for Sunday brunch.
Waffle House. Ok, this counts, b/c I had never been to one--and it was surprisingly good! I had a chicken biscuit and thought it was quite good. Plus, everything was really cheap--but our waitress was on hour 13 of her shift, and I just felt sorry for her, so I left a big tip.
Neomonde. This is a Greek/Lebanese place. I had falafel, baba ghanouj (however you spell that), and rice lentils, and thought they were all quite tasty. Plus they have a nice patio area where you can sit.

So overall, not much accomplished. But I have decided to get my nonprofit certificate, which can hopefully help me get a job post-graduation. More on that front later...

Jon and Kate Plus...Themselves

2009-05-29T09:01:00.000-07:00

ok, I have to comment on Jon & Kate Plus 8, because all the stuff constantly going around about them is driving me crazy.

I have loved this show for a long time, because I thought they were such a nice family and were struggling, but did it together. Now...well, let's just say both Jon and Kate are acting like they're single again. Jon's going out to bars with random women, Kate spends most of her time traveling and wants a talk show, and they both spend so much time talking to the media about how their marriage isn't working that they aren't talking to each other.

HELLO, YOU HAVE EIGHT CHILDREN. TIME TO ACT LIKE AN ADULT. As someone who went through a divorce, I can attest to how much it affects you negatively, for years--and my parent's divorce WASN'T all over magazines at the grocery store. I feel really, really sorry for the Gosselin kids--the twins notice for sure what's going on, and everyone is an idiot for thinking they don't. They can read, for God's sake.

At this point Jon and Kate should be going to marriage counseling and trying to put their marriage back together for the sake of their kids. What happened to, "we'll always be together", which is what they told them when they renewed their vows?? I just want to shake them both. I loved this show, but I can live without it, as can the rest of America--don't sacrifice your marriage and your kid's emotional well-being for television. Please.

Life update

2009-05-25T15:21:00.000-07:00

Well, it's official--I'm moving to Cary in August. Even though I'm still a little apprehensive, and dreading packing everything up again, it will be really nice to be closer to Brian.

In other life matters, I've checked off a few things on my Triangle to do list, such as:

Going to the NC History museum (this was not as exciting as I would have liked--even the pirate exhibit was mostly just stuff to read. Overall, a bit disappointing, although there was a few things from the Queen Anne's Revenge at the end).
Having tea at the Carolina Inn (this was nice, although a bit pricey--it made me miss England).
Going to the Greek Festival in Chapel Hill (this was fun, especially the Greek dancing).

More updates to come...

*UPDATE* I realized I forgot to mention my trip to the Carnivore Preservation Trust in Pittsboro--this is REALLY awesome, and I recommend it if you can go. You can get really close to the tigers (they rub against the cage and purr) and the other various carnivorous animals they have there.

Moving...maybe

2009-05-18T15:08:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I found an apartment to potentially move to. But now that I've done all the (really fast) legwork, I'm nervous. Thus, the pros and cons of moving.

Pros:

I would be a LOT closer to things, such as a.) Brian, b.) work, c.) the grocery store, d.) the gym, e.) home
I would get to see Brian more often
I could actually go to church with him and not have to leave an hour before the service starts
I could actually hang out with his friends when I got invited, instead of saying no b/c an hour and a half of driving didn't seem worth it
Brian can check in on Maddy when I have to be gone

Cons:

Moving itself. Again. And also having to pay to move.
Leaving an apartment complex I like to go to one I potentially might not like (ditto neighbors).
Having to learn a whole new community (and a much larger one).
Still having to come to Chapel Hill 2 days a week for school
Having to get a parking permit or ride the bus from the CAP lot

Is it worth it? I just don't know...

Movie reviews & life changes

2009-05-17T17:14:00.001-07:00

So, I've seen a few movies recently, and thought I would review them. Also, some life updates afterwards.

Here are my reviews (written in order that I liked them, not the order that I saw them)

Seventeen Again: I drug Brian to this with him protesting the whole way that it was a chick movie and he didn't want to see it--but we both came out loving it. Zac Efron, when he's not singing cheesy songs and attached at the hip to Vanessa Hudgens, has great comedic timing. I saw reviews that touted this as a male Freaky Friday, but it was acually a lot better--Zac/Matthew Perry (his adult self) are upset because they gave up a big basketball scholarship and college to marry his high school girlfriend when she got pregnant--and at the end of the movie, he realizes he made the right decision after all, because he loves his wife and thinks his kids are great. Plus, he gets a job as the high school basketball coach and loves that too. In addition to all these happy moral messages, Mike (Zac)'s nerdy best friend, Ned, is every nerd's dream--he made it big inventing nerdy stuff, and now has all types of nerd gear, including light sabers and a bed that looks like the speeder from A New Hope. Overall, REALLY funny, and worth seeing. Possibly more than once.

Star Trek. So, of course I went to see this with Brian, who is a huge Star Trek fan, but I'm fairly into sci fi stuff myself, given my love for Star Wars and the fact that I've been dating Brian for six years and my only other serious boyfriend before him was also a huge Star Trek fan. I was a tad wary, because the original Star Trek was so hokey (aliens were usually hot women in skimpy outfits who wanted to have sex with Kirk), but this movie was really great. Funny, lots of action, and also lots of Vulcans (my favorite). Zachary Quinto was a dead ringer for Leonard Nimoy, too. I wish there had been more Scotty, though. And less skimpy outfits for the starfleet women. But you can't get everything.

Wolverine: I went to see this with my mom, who has a bit of an unhealthy obession with Hugh Jackman. She of course loved it, given the screentime that Hugh spends shirtless, but I thought it was a bit lacking in plot. Deadpool only lasts about 5 seconds? Wolverine and Sabretooth fight it out in an alley and no one notices? Mutants jump in and out but never stay long, some of them are recognizable like Scott, but others are new, like Gambit. And who knew Wolverine's claws were originally bone? And...that's about it. It wasn't as bad as X-Men 3 (WHY did Jean Grey go so nuts??), but not as good as the first 2 by a long shot. Sorry, Hugh.

Enough with movies...in terms of life updates, I'm feeling a bit more like myself (but still driving a rental car while I wait for mine to get fixed), I MIGHT be moving to Raleigh/Cary (this is really up in the air right now and really might not happen, so I'll update if anything really happens), I have another paper due this week for my summer class and...Brian's dad heard my dad isn't happy with his not having a job, and now Brian's dad wants to "confront him". I just hope there isn't a dad-on-dad smackdown in the middle of the hospital, given that both of the recently had surgery and aren't exactly young (my dad turns 60 in July!). As if our families weren't complicated enough....

Rough week

2009-05-14T19:44:00.000-07:00

ok, so, I realize I haven't written in a while (I promise movie reviews/rants on season finales are coming), but I've had quite a week.

Last Tuesday, my client had a meltdown while I was driving, so it was not the best day at work; then, on Wednesday, I was so preoccupied with getting out of town to go on my much-needed weekend at the beach that I ran a stop sign and got hit by a truck--thus, my car is now in the shop getting its smashed driver-side door fixed. Then over the weekend at the beach, which I was hell-bent on getting to (and did), it was too windy to sit out much, and Brian had a nervous breakdown. Plus my summer school started today, and I had a paper and a ton of reading due. Sooo...I don't think I ever really got the vacation I needed. This week I'm back at work and school, and trying to hold it together while Brian is back in New Bern for a while. I'll post more when I feel more stable.

Pray for me in the meantime.

The Year of Undone Things

2009-04-29T18:45:00.000-07:00

So, given that I will probably only be in NC for another year, I have decided to make this my year of doing all the things in the area I've always wanted to do but haven't yet, for whatever reason.

Here's my current list (I'm sure it will grow as I think of more stuff)

Museums: Museums of Art and History (I've been to both but not in a long time). I would add the Museum of Natural Science. buttt...i've been there 5 times in the past year, 4 of them for work. I'm sure I'll end up there again, too. *sigh*
High tea at the Carolina Inn (heck, GO IN the Carolina Inn)
Explore Durham/Hillsborough
Go to Maple View Farms
Take a sign language class (at Durham Tech)
Take a cooking class (either at Southern Season or the ArtsCenter)
Eat at new restaurants
Go dancing
See something at the Carolina Theater

That's all I can think of right now...as I said, I'm sure I'll think of more (I also welcome suggestions). The more I think about this the more I realize I really, really don't want to leave....

Ups and Downs

2009-04-26T16:08:00.000-07:00

This week has been quite an interesting one...it was up and down over and over.

For example:
Up: Finding out Monday that my last Discrimination & Oppression (otherwise known as "depression") was cancelled.
Down: Finding out Tuesday that my client had died.

Up: Doing well on my presentation on Tuesday.
Down: Going to my client's memorial service on Thursday and bursting into tears three times.

Up: Going to a dinner for work and tryin gout a new eggplant dip that was very tasty.
Down: Trying duck and not liking it AT ALL.

Up: Going to a farewell lunch for me and the other JFS intern.
Down: Ending my normal routine at JFS (more on that later).

Down: Finding out that the days i have free to work with Joe he has a job coach, so now I am short of hours.
Up: Volunteering to keep running my senior group at JFS to have something to do, and finding out that they are going to pay me more than I make at the Arc.

It was also a week full of a LOT of eating, from my dinner on Thursday for the Arc, my lunch on Friday for JFS, my friend's birthday party Saturday night, and the Yom Ha'atzmaut celebration I worked at today. This week I finish up the semester, and then I have 2 weeks before my summer class starts, during which I am going to the beach with Brian's family (hooray! a vacation! even if it is only a weekend...it's probably all i'm getting until my honeymoon, so I'd best enjoy it).

I can't believe I'm almost done with my first year of grad school--there were a LOT of points during it I didn't think I'd make it here. Here's hoping the next year is easier...

Movie update

2009-04-17T11:59:00.000-07:00

So, I just finished reading the new Summer Movie Preview edition of Entertainment Weekly..and I have some movies to add to my list (did we REALLY think I was only going to see 5 movies all spring/summer? I thought not.)

Leaving the movies I listed earlier as those I will most definitely be going to see (probably more than once in the case of Harry Potter), here are the:

Movies I will most likely be going to see

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian. I loved the first Night at the Museum movie (except when I had to see it in IMAX, which just gave me a headache). It's the right mix of fun, funny, and family-appropriate.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. I didn't expect to like the first movie so much, but I really did. Plus, the summer is really good for some action movies.
Julie & Julia. This book was fantastic (I recommend it), and the movie version features Meryl Streep and Amy Adams.
The Time Traveler's Wife. Ditto on the book--it was a great story, even if the ending was bittersweet.

Movies I would like to see, but will probably wait until they are on DVD:

Up. This is the new Pixar movie--I love Pixar, but i'm not attracted enough to the concept to pay to go see it, unless I happen to go with a client for work or something. Which is possible.
Terminator: Salvation. I want to see this--but given that I haven't seen any of the other Terminator movies, it probably wouldn't make much sense.
My Sister's Keeper. I'm actually not positive I want to see this--the book was so great I'm afraid the movie will ruin it. Plus I hate crying in movie theaters.
(500) Days of Summer. Quirky rom-com. My kind of movie, but not worth $7. Sorry, boy who used to be on 3rd rock from the sun.

In addition to all this movie going, I will also go to the theater: I just bought tickets on sale to go see Jersey Boys (for once, those Ticketmaster e-mails I get came in handy), a musical about Frankie Valley and the 4 Seasons that I promise is not as lame as it sounds. My mom has been DYING to see it since she got the CD 2 years ago, so I thought I would be nice and take her.

Work update: I just managed to pick up another Tuesday shift (in addition to the one I already have, taking a client to her swim lesson), taking a client to cooking class. I'm also trying to pick up some after school shifts with Joe--we'll see what happens there. I just had to register to retake the CPR class to get my certification renewed, also. What an (expensive, long) pain.

BORED

2009-04-14T10:03:00.001-07:00

Ok, so I am between classes, and don't have anything on campus with me that I need to write my next paper, and am incredibly bored. so I thought I would expound on something, and the first thing that came to my mind was upcoming movies (on DVD and in theaters) that I am excited to see.

Lost in Austen--this is a BBC miniseries that I just discovered, where a modern girl falls into Pride & Prejudice and accidentally falls in love with Mr. Darcy. Oops! But really, who can blame her?
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Duh. It just looks pretty awesome in general, and I would never miss a Harry Potter movie.
Public Enemies. Johnny Depp + Christian Bale + gangsters? Sign me up. It looks kind of like the Untouchables, minus Elliot Ness.
X-Men: Wolverine. I am really in need of a decent action movie. This sounds like it.
Star Trek: I am generally not a huge Star Trek fan (especially of the original series), but this looks like a BSG-style mix of drama, action, and sci-fi. Plus I'm sure Brian will want to go.
17 Again. This looks like Big in reverse...and who doesn't love Big? Plus Zac Efron minus clingy Vanessa Hudgens could actually be good. I've never seen him in a non-singing movie, though...

That's all I can think of for the summer...I haven't gone to the movies since Slumdog Millionare, and it is far overdue. As far as upcoming books, the only ones I can think of are the new Jessica Darling book, Perfect Fifths (does she come to her senses and realize she belongs with Marcus??) and the new Mma Ramotswe book, Tea Time for the Traditionally Built (Does Mma Makutsi finally get married?) We'll see...

Back to boredom, I can't think of anything else to write about. *sigh*.

Easter musings

2009-04-11T16:59:00.000-07:00

This past week has been an interesting one--I went to a Passover Seder last Sunday (my next-to-last Jewish holiday at JFS!), and since Passover and Easter merged this year (there's some phenomenon that only happens 28 years, where the sun is in the exact position it was at creation, and Passover/Easter merge, or something--it's this year), and even though it was a community-wide seder and not a family seder, it was still nice. I'm now in love with haroset (a fruit/nut/wine mix that spreads like jam), and was very exited to see that Locopops was selling haroset popsicles, but they weren't as good as the real thing. It is just fascinating to see how Judaism and Christianity merge, and I think I have learned a lot about my faith just by working there. Especially culturally...I understand the Jew's kvetching in the desert more now after working with elderly Jews. Let me tell you, they complain A LOT. "Why have we been wandering for 40 years? Why has Moses been up on Mt. Sinai so long? I don't like the third commandment, etc. etc....."

Also, my mom was up this weekend, so we went to visit my grandpa and great-aunt and talked about family. Here's what I learned:

My cousin got a new SUV to fit his 2 (soon to be 3) kids
my great-grandmother's name was Mary, but she went by Molly (she was called Ma Pickard by her kids)
My mom's cousin is currently in jail for life for child molestation. !!!!! I didn't even know she HAD these 4 cousins, much less that one of them had been in jail for years.

I finish 2 classes this week, but I still have 3 large papers and a presentation ahead of me. And then a lot of work shifts to find before camp starts. Here's hoping this summer goes well--it'll be my last "free" summer before I have to get a real job. Alas.

Happy April, fools

2009-04-01T16:48:00.000-07:00

It's April! I have very mixed feelings about this month. But first, some things that happened today...

Brian and I set a wedding date!! May 22, 2010! So we have the first step, reserving the church, done. The next step is reserving a place to have the reception and, probably, getting a wedding planner.

Also, today was apparently my parent's day to be needy...my dad had neck surgery this morning (and is doing well), and my mom dropped the bomb on me that her depression has been getting worse for the past few months and it's been really bad lately. So i'm back in my role trying to force her to see some kind of therapist. Oy.

Also, i'm having doubts about working at the NCCDD next year...they haven't gotten back to me yet, and now i'm wondering if I shouldn't just look someplace else. As in, someplace closer.

As far as April goes:

Good:

I finish my first year of grad school! It can't come soon enough.
Hopefully it will get warmer/sunnier soon (does it seem to anyone else that it was rainy/overcast ALL of last month?)
My niece's first birthday this Friday!

Bad:

I finish at JFS. I was debating for a while whether this was good or bad..but i've decided bad, as I've had a lot of good times there and I like (for the most part) the work i'm doing. I really will be sad to leave.
I find out from the NCCDD whether they want me or not. Right now i'm not sure which answer I want.
I have 4 huge papers due. None of which I've started working on. I probably should be doing that now...but I'm tired after all the stuff that went down today....

Overall, April will about even out between good and bad. I just hope I survive those 4 papers....

Crash-and-burn interview

2009-03-26T11:59:00.000-07:00

So, I spoke too soon about my lovely weekend...I've had a nasty cold since Sunday, and this morning I had what was possibly the worst interview ever. And it wasn't even for a paid job.

So, school has placed me at the NC Council on Developmental Disabilities, which I was pretty excited about. So today I went in to "interview"--basically, this is kind of just a formality, and more of a "welcome to the office, here's who we are, here what you'll do" type of thing, rather than "are we going to hire you?" type of interview. Or, so I thought. I mean, it's AN INTERNSHIP. I'm working there 3 days a week for FREE for cripe's sake.

But, the person interviewing me basically told me a.) my focus is all wrong (well, i've been doing direct care for years, so shoot me for not being able to turn on a dime), b.) I was too meek/submissive (he came up with a crazy scenario, and I was basically supposed to confront him and say it was nuts...but i hedged and said it could work..I mean, who tells your interviewer they're crazy? I need to know you a little better before I do that). Then, he said they would talk about whether they want to have me there or not, and to send them 3 references.

I'm really bummed about it because I don't feel like I came across as passionate as I really am about all this, but it is really hard to meet people for the first time and launch into my "how I want to change the world" spiel. Especially when I only usually launch into this spiel with people who don't agree with me, and I was assuming they were. So, i'm really afraid I lost out on a great opportunity, because I wasn't better prepped for such an intense, tricky interview. Hopefully, they'll give me a chance...

A relaxing weekend, finally

2009-03-22T12:35:00.000-07:00

I'm grateful for this weekend, as I feel like I've finally been able to recharge a bit. I didn't have class on Friday, so I alternated working on a paper with reading, and then watched the last episode of Battlestar Galactica...it wasn't the killing spree Brian expected, but I have mixed feelings about the actual end. It seemed kind of rushed and not well thought-out, and had a lot of holes in it.

Saturday I cleaned my apartment, and then went with Brian to Olive Garden (he had a gift certificate left over from Christmas), and then to the new Durham Performing Arts Center to see Fiddler on the Roof, with Topol as Tevye (the guy that played him in the movie, and has since done so on stage more than 2,500 times!! He was really funny, and kind of like an Israeli Sean Connery). Even though we were in the next-to-last row (literally), I really enjoyed it, and want to go back next year to see Wicked.

Today I slept in (till 11! This is the latest I've slept in in at least a year, not counting that week in January that I was sick and slept nearly constantly), made cookies, and watched the new show Brian's got me hooked on, Jericho--which has been off the air for a few years but is new to me, anyway. Thankfully there were only 2 seasons, so I can't get TOO hooked on it, but it's about a nuclear holocaust, and as such is a bit freaky.

This week I have to go the Health Access Interdisplinary Case Conference, with a bunch of med/pharmacy/public health/nursing students, which sounds interesting but is from 6-9:30, after we have class till 5, so will probably just be painful. I'm also interviewing for my new internship on Thursday, which I'm nervous about, even though I'm sure it will go fine. I also think i'm getting sick, which is just obnoxious. I also have to start thinking about writing my 4 final papers (one per class), as I don't want them all to sneak up on me at once. Only 6 weeks left of class, thank goodness. I'm more than ready for it to be over. I also just found out my dad is having neck surgery next week, which I'm nervous about, plus my niece is really sick, and has blisters in her throat from running a high fever for days. Needless to say I have more on my mind than school....

Weeks left at JFS: 4.
Weeks left of school: 6

Vanishing spring break...it's magic

2009-03-12T09:32:00.000-07:00

Spring break is winding to a close (alas!), and I am seriously dreading going back to school. I know we only have a few weeks left, but a LOT of assignments stand between me and the end of the semester. As the woman who was cleaning my teeth on Monday said, "There's always a light at the end of the tunnel...but sometimes you need night vision goggles to see it". As I've said before, I've basically stopped caring and aren't getting anything out of my classes.

This week has been...ok. I know it's my next-t0-last spring break ever (which is kind of sad in itself), but I've spent it going to doctor's appointments (dentist, allergy, eye) and going back and forth between my parent's houses, as usual. I HAVE done a bit of wedding planning though...we're working on setting a date (we have to meet with a priest first, so I'll be sure to post it when the date becomes official). That kind of made the fact that I'm getting married in a little over a year more real...up to now, since we've really done nothing to plan, it hasn't really been. But it does make me realize a.) how much planning I really have to do, and b.) how much I'm stressed out about where I'll end up after the wedding. And what I'll be doing there. I hate not being able to control things...

Weeks left at JFS: 5 (and not 5 full weeks,either. I'm so over on hours I can take some time off, so i'm leaving early some afternoons.)

Happy March

2009-03-01T11:03:00.001-08:00

It is March at last, and I can't say I'm sad to see February go. There are a lot of good things about March, such as:

Spring break! Even though I'm not going on a cruise this year like I did last year, it'll be nice to have a break from school/JFS
Fiddler on the Roof! I have tickets to see it at the new Durham Performing Arts Center, and the guy playing Tevye ( the dad) is the same guy that played him in the movie.
The beginning of spring (although I can't say I can see it yet, since it's supposed to SNOW tomorrow!!)
Only 3 assignments due (instead of 6 like last month), and I'm almost done with one of them

But there are a few bad ones too, such as :

I'm picking up a new shift at work (instead of getting another job), and I've heard the family is really hard to work with.
I have a LOT to do at JFS this month, including two Friday night events.
March is a really long month.
BSG ends, finally, and it doesn't look like an ending I'll like.

Overall, I'm hoping March will be a better month than February, but it looks like it will be just as busy. I'm just glad the semester is halfway over; I've kind of stopped caring about school, as everything this semester is either a.) something I already know or b.)something I don't care to learn. I did find out that I got the internship I wanted for next year, at the NC Council for Developmental Disabilities. It sounds pretty good, even though it is in Raleigh and will be, as they say at JFS, a shlep (ie, a long haul).

Weeks til Spring Break: 1 (hooray!).
Also, weeks left at JFS: 6. (ahh! lots to do, little time to do it!)

Stream of Consciousness Oscars

2009-02-22T17:32:00.001-08:00

Ok, so this week was finally a week in which nothing happened worth talking about, and the most eventful thing was that I spent wayyy too many hours working on my paper for integrated practice (thank God, I finally finished a draft a few hours ago), so I thought I would do a running commentary of the Oscars as I watch them, as I (unexplainably) watch them every year.

First thought--Oh my God, the stage is set up like American Idol. It's infiltrated everything. Plus Hugh Jackman is singing. Please tell me there aren't three judges, one grouchy, one gangster, and one drunk/high.

I'm pretty sure I'd rather see Hugh Jackman as Van Helsing/Wolverine.

Is that Anne Hathaway's real voice?
What is with the weird techno routine?
Please, Hugh, stop singing. Really. Just do a good action scene.

Tilda Swinton is one odd bird. Also, how did she win for Michael Clayton? That was the weirdest/dumbest/most boring movie ever. Or at least in the past few years. At least Anjelica Huston hasn't aged in years and is a very good actress. And I'm glad Whoopi is back, and referencing Sister Act. Holy crap, Goldie Hawn needs a larger dress.

Penelope=Best Supporting Actress. Darn it, I wanted Viola Davis to get it. Plus I think Penelope may pass out or have a collapsed lung.

Tina Fey + Steve Martin= two of the funniest people ever. Except when Steve Martin is trying to imitate Peter Sellers. HAHA jab at Scientology. Take that, scifi weirdos.

Best Original Screenplay= Dustin Lance Black (Milk). This kid was like, 26 when he wrote this. He looks about 15. And he's crying. *Awkward* Also, this is not a place for political speeches.
Best Adapted Screenplay=Simon Beaufoy for Slumdog Millionare. Hurray, I loved this movie so much.

Jennifer Aniston + Jack Black seems like an odd pairing.
Movie yearbook? Is that their hip new concept to get more people to watch the Oscars? That music is certainly annoying.

Best Animated film=WALL-E. Hooray. It would have been a shame if it hadn't won, really.
Best Animated short film=La Maison en Petits Cubes. This looks weird. Where do you even see these?

This set change, for production design, is quite interesting. I quite like it.

Best art direction=The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I think this is deserving, the art direction was really well done in this; it had a very distinctive look.
Best Costume design (my favorite award): The Duchess. Yay!!! I was so afraid it was giong to be Milk, since it's so political. But the Duchess's costumes were amazing.
Best makeup: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. This was deserving, but why were there only 3 nominees for this?

Also, I can see how they're trying to shorten things--each presenter is presenting 3 or 4 awards. Interesting. I wonder if people got ticked off since less people got asked to present. They do seem to have more montages, so maybe that's where they're making it up.

Romance movie montage: Finally, recognizing check flicks. It's about time they talked about more than serious movies.

Ok, I'm glad other people think Joaquin Phoenix is being ridiculous. Ben Stiller's imitation is wayyy too apt. Haha, Hasidic meth lab.

Best Cinematography: Slumdog Millionaire. Hooray again! This movie deserves every award it gets.

Ahh what is with the really brief presentations and then breaking to commercial?
And why did the comedy montage include a whole bunch of serious clips?

Best Live action short film: Toyland (Germany). Again, how do you get to see these? Also, 14 years for 12 minutes???

Oh no, more singing. I get they're trying to honor musicals. But this is a seriously confusing montage. Hugh Jackman is not equal to Gene Kelly. Sorry, Hugh. At least Beyoncé is an actual performer. And Zac Efron. Mostly. Hmm, created by Baz Luhrmann. I should have suspected.

Best Supporting Actor: Once again presented by 5 past winners. What happen to the winner the year before doing it? Where's Javier Bardem?? Also, is it just me, or does Philip Seymour Hoffman get nominated in something every year?

Best Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger. It would have been a serious tragedy if he hadn't won, and I'm pretty sure if anybody else did, they would feel eternally guilty. Everybody in the audience is crying or on the verge of it. Which of course has set me off. I'm amazed that none of his family started crying.

Best Documentary: Man On Wire. Never heard of it. How do you see THESE? What is up with all these movies winning things that the world at large has never seen? And why is one of the winners doing magic tricks on stage??

Best Documentary Short Subject: Smile Pinki. This looks to be about a girl getting cleft palate surgery in India, but I can't be sure.

Outstanding visual effects: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I get that this was tricky, to have so many Brad Pitts, but I think Dark Knight deserved it--you never questioned all the crazy high tech stuff that happened in there.

Outstanding sound editing: The Dark Knight. I kind of think WALL-E deserved this, since most of the movie was sound effects.

Best Sound Mixing: Slumdog Millionaire. I don't really get what this means, so I don't really have a comment on it.

Best Film Editing: Slumdog Millionaire, again. I think this is deserved; they incorporated so many different scenes, between Jamal's childhood in the slums, his job as a "chai boy", and while he was on Who Wants to be a Millionaire. And it was all very seamless.

Jerry Lewis gets an award: Again, thank goodness we're finally honoring comedy.

Best Original Score: Slumdog Millionaire. Again, I'm glad; I loved this soundtrack almost as much as the movie, especially "Latika's song" and the song at the end, "Jai Ho", where all the main characters did a Bollywood dance.

Best Original Song: My 2nd favorite category, because they perform them all. I didn't know John Legend sang the WALL-E song! John Legend, get out of "Jai Ho" and stick to your own song. Ok, John Legend DIDN'T sing the WALL-E song, it was Peter Gabriel, but he refused to come for some reason. Winner: Slumdog Millionaire, "Jai Ho". As I said, I really liked this song, although I would have liked WALL-E to win just for a change. This is 5 in a row for Slumdog.

Best Foreign Film: Departures (Japan), about an unemployed classical musician who gets a job in a mortuary. Ok.... I liked the director's speech, though: "I'm very very happy". Well, i'm glad.

In Memoriam: Great choice of song to have Queen Latifah sing (finally..i haven't liked the montage songs so far).

Best Director: Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire. Well, I didn't see that coming. Not. At least he actually jumped up and down, since I'm pretty sure everybody wants to.

Ahhhh there are so many commercials. It has now been 3 hours. End already. At least I know how long my laptop battery can last.

Best Actress: Whoa, Sophia Loren looks rough. Can we say, Botox and implants?
Winner: Kate Winslet. I was really hoping it would be Anne Hathaway, but I like Kate Winslet too, even though I haven't seen (and really don't want to see) the Reader.

Best Actor: Adrian Brody, WHAT is wrong with your hair??
winner: Sean Penn, Milk. I think expected that, really. He called the Academy "commie, homo loving sons of guns". You said it first, Sean, you said it first.

Best Picture: Slumdog Millionaire. Yay!! This movie totally deserved it. A happy ending wins an Oscar at last.

A few closing remarks: I can't say Hugh Jackman "hosted". We saw him all of 3 times. Thankfully. I have to say I much prefer Ellen.
The new way they're doing actor and actress nominations (having past winners each present one nominee) is interesting. I'm not sure I like it.
Why the heck is this still so long??

And....
Weeks till Spring Break:2

On that note, good night.

Contemplations on the weekend

2009-02-15T16:16:00.001-08:00

Thankfully, the days since Tuesday have been better. I got a new window on Wednesday (if this happens to you, I recommend Safelite to replace your glass). I've been trying to put this behind me, but sometimes I just get ticked off--whoever did this, for whatever reason, forced me to pay $200 for a new window (hopefully i'll get reimbursed by my insurance, but I couldn't exactly let my car sit windowless while I waited for them to work things out), which was several weeks of grocery money for me. Which just ticks me off; also, I won't get reimbursed for my GPS, which I had really started to depend on as a seriously directionally challenged person. Which means I won't get another one for a long time, if ever. BLAH STUPID THIEVES.

Moving on...

I had Friday off, from class and work (I was supposed to work, but I ended up not being needed), so I cooked dinner for Brian (stuffed shells and garlic bread, and homemade brownie sundaes), and then we watched Battlestar Galactica (ony 5 episodes left!!! They're FINALLY starting to explain some stuff. But I have no idea how the show is going to end). Saturday, Brian and I watched one of my favorite movies (which one of my lovely ex-roommates had the kindness to steal and now I have to rent when I want to watch it), Stranger than Fiction, which Brian happens to like too. I LOVE the part when Harold Crick (Will Ferrel) brings Anna Pascale (Maggie Gylenhaal) a box of little bags full of flour, and says, "I brought you flours". FLOURS, not flowers. Because she's a baker. Love it!!! As that movie is basically all about plotline and narrative voice, it's pretty much an ex-Engish major's dream. Sometimes I wish I had gone to grad school for English...

Then, we went to the Indian buffet at Tandoor, and then ice skating (they had free skate rental for couples...so it was a bit crowded for me. But we did run into my neighbor in New Bern and her boyfriend). I have to admit, when I saw a sherrif's car parked in the parking lot, I parked next to it. They would have to be REALLY stupid to break into my car then.

Today, I met up with Katie, who was the Best Buddies CBD after me, for lunch, and then we met up with Rachel, who was the CBD before me, to go to the talent show. It was great seeing everyone, but kind of weird not to be connected to a buddy. I was glad to see that my buddy, Cheryl, has a new buddy that seems to care about her as much as I do. But that was a little upsetting at the same time, to feel like you're replaceable.

As an aside, I'm also contemplating getting a 2nd (or I guess it would count as my 3rd?) job, at Barnes & Noble maybe. I'd rather not, but I feel like I need to be making more money and the Arc hasn't proved to be reliable when you're not attached to a client, as this past Friday proved. But i'm not sure yet.

Weeks till spring break: 3

What a Night

2009-02-10T18:01:00.000-08:00

Tuesday seems to be my day to have adverse things happen in/to my car. Today was MUCH worse than last week, however.

I was at the gym, again--I went in for a class for 45 minutes, and when I came out there was a woman and a mall security guy standing there, and she said, "hey, is this your car?". And I said, "umm..yes". And then I realized why they had asked.

My whole window on the driver's side was smashed out, and my GPS was gone. The GPS is not exactly essential, although I certainly enjoyed it, and I've felt so much more confident driving around with it (I had named it Charlotte--poor Charlotte). The window, however, will obviously have to be replaced post haste before I can go to work tomorrow. The mall security guy helped me clean up all the glass (there was a LOT of glass), and the police gave me a box to sit on so I didn't get stabbed with glass, (although I did cut up my hands). Apparently there was another break in a street over, which was probably by the same people. There was actually a girl going into another store in the shopping center who noticed something suspcicious looking (somebody pulled up perpendicular to my car), but didn't think anything of it until she got back out and saw what had happened.

The mall security guy told me that this has happened 18 times in 2 weeks at Southpoint, which I think shows that it is just a sign of the worsening economy. I like to be optimistic and think that this was someone desperate to get enough money to feed their family or get medicine for a sick child, and not using it for drugs or something. But I miss my Charlotte. And my car window.

Plus my stepmom told me that my dad's blood glucose and blood pressure are both out of control and the doctors haven't been able to get them back under control, and have added a new diabetes medication, to little effect. This, combined with the break in, and the fact that my ovaries have been extremely painful all week, just kind of sent me over the edge. I really need something extremely good to happen right now. Here's hoping.

Bad week, Good weekend

2009-02-08T17:36:00.000-08:00

I think this is going to be a theme for quite some time. It's not that my week was bad (besides the event I mentioned in my last post), but I'm just so burnt out at school it's all I can do to drag myself there 2 or 3 days a week. I think I'm just being taught things I wasn't interested in learning, so i'm not invested in the readings or assignments, and thus am completely unmotivated to do anything related to school. This isn't exactly a good time to completely lack motivation, since I have more assignments due this month than any other month this semester. Blech.

But, I did have a nice weekend--it started out by my running into a bunch of Best Buddies while I was at work Friday night, which resulted in a lot of "Sarah! We miss you"s, which is always gratifying. Then Brian and I went to eat at Piazza Italia last night, in Brightleaf Square (Durham), which was very authentic (they even make their own pasta and gelato), delicious, and not too overpriced (it's about the same as an Olive Garden, and wayyyy better). Then we went swing dancing, at which Brian is surprisingly good. At the lesson beforehand, we had to switch partners constantly, which was icky for me because I got a lot of sweaty-palmed Dookies who were not so good at dancing. But once the actual dance started, Brian and I danced for a while, AND HE ACTUALLY ENJOYED IT!! He even agreed to go to another one! I'm shocked. He only stepped on my foot once. It was just what I needed to escape from the stressful freak-out state school was putting me in.

Weeks till Spring Break: 4

Freaky experience

2009-02-03T16:16:00.000-08:00

OK, so I am so freaked out by this. I was on the highway, driving home from the gym (in the dark) wearing typical gym clothes, with my hair in a ponytail. And this car next to me was honking, and trying to get me to roll down my windshield. At first I just thought he wanted me to let him over ,but then we came to a stoplight and he kept doing it. At this point I thought, maybe he's going to tell me my headlight/taillight is out or something. So I roll the window down.

WRONG.

He goes: "Hey, you're cute. Are you single?"

I realize that doesn't sound sooo freaky. But he was probably early-mid 40s, and, let's be honest, in gym clothes I look about 16. GROSS. I said, "NO" and rolled the window up as fast as it would go. But he kept honking until we came to another light and he had to pull ahead.

I just feel...violated by guys that think it is ok to do this. It is not ok to try to proposition me at a stoplight. It is especially not ok when you probably think I am underage. BLECH BLECH BLECH.

Also, a random 919 number has been calling me almost every weeknight and not leaving a message, and I have no idea who it is. If it's you, please leave me a message!!

Hello, February

2009-02-01T13:58:00.001-08:00

Well, I've made it to February..and I still haven't decided whether this is a good thing or not.

Reasons it's a good thing:

Brian and I acutally get to spend Valentine's Day together (as opposed to most other years, when it was on a weekday and I couldn't make it to wherever he was).
Lauren's 25th birthday party (swing dancing!)
I get to go to the Alzheimer's Conference and see the brain bank at Duke. A brain bank! How cool is that? Even if it is at Duke...
The conference is on a Thursday so I get to skip seeing clients that week. (It is bad that I think this is a good thing?)
The Oscars are on.
It's a short month.

Reason's it's not a good thing:

I'm working every Friday night (3 for the Arc, one for JFS)
I have at least one assignment due every week, if not two (2 presentations and 4 papers)
I have to decide where I'm doing my internship next year and what classes I'll be taking.

So looking over this...it would be a good month if not for school/work. I don't mind the nights I'm working for the Arc, because I get paid and something hilarious always happens...but spending my Friday night at DUKE (for free) with grouchy Jewish elderly people who can never remember who I am does not sound like my idea of fun, to be honest. At least I've gotten the Shabbat blessings down.

I always felt a little sorry for February...most people spend their time wanting it to be over, so it can be March, and spring. Plus people who aren't dating hate Valentine's Day (plus some people who are dating. I don't hate it, but I think it is a little ridiculous. Plus I can't eat candy any more, so it takes a lot of effort to avoid all those huge displays in the grocery store). We'll see what the month brings, I suppose...

Weeks till Spring Break: 5.

Musings on movies & tv

2009-01-25T12:12:00.000-08:00

Since I don't have much to report life-wise (other than a ruined snow day, thanks to UNC making me come to class, sending me home as soon as I got there, making me come back, and then closing), I thought I would talk about my various TV shows, and the movie I saw this weekend, Slumdog Millionaire.

First, TV. I watch wayyy too many shows, as I have discovered as I try to keep up with them all. At least BSG will be over for good soon.

Battlestar Galactica (henceforth referred to as BSG): There are only 8 episodes left, and they've been very tense/dramatic, since last season's finale when they finally reached Earth only to find that it had been nuked. So far this season there have been a lot of deaths/suicides, and also a lot of nutty unexplainable Cylon-related stuff. At least we finally found out who the final Cylon was. I just hope they don't throw Adama out of an airlock like it looks like they may do next week. Shame on you, Felix.

Top Chef: 7 chefs left (out of 17), and all I care about is that Stefan does not win. Right now I'm pulling for Jaime or Fabio.

Ugly Betty: I may actually stop watching this for a while...back when I started it was funny, and was my only comedy show. Now it's serious with people having heart attacks, affairs, and Betty wanting to get away from her family. Not fun anymore.

Bones: The first half of the season kind of sucked because of the Angela/ Hodgins breakup, but it's mostly redeemed itself. Now it's on at the same time as Ugly Betty, and I think I'll be choosing it to watch.

House: I've been a bit disappointed in House this season; 13 and Foreman are getting annoying. Plus I don't know where they're taking it. Also they've kind of run out of at least mildly plausible illnesses.

Jon & Kate Plus 8: I love this show, even if it does feature a lot of kids yelling. Plus Kate has polycystic ovaries like I do, so I find it hopeful to watch. Also, their kids are super polite, and aren't allowed to run amuck like a lot of kids these days.

Lost: I haven't watched any of this yet. I'm saving it until Top Chef is over, so I can reduce the amount of shows I'm trying to keep up with at least a little.

*Whew* I really need to eliminate some shows.
Now, on to Slumdog Millionaire...

When I initially heard the concept for this movie (set in India, a guy from the slums goes on India's version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire), I thought it sounded stupid. But after it won almost every Golden Globe it was up for, I thought I should see it. And it was AMAZING. The millionaire stuff was the cover for the plot--but he ends up getting arrested because they think he's cheating, and for each question he tells a bit of his history and how he knew the answer to it. And he gets the girl AND the million (dollars, I guess...it was something like 10 million rupees), and then they all do a Bollywood style dance in the train station. Ah, excellent.

It's back to reality tomorrow, alas.

Weeks till Spring Break: 6.

Frustration

2009-01-17T14:51:00.001-08:00

Well, the first week back certainly wasn't what I could have wished it to be.

Here's a quick run-down of my classes:

Discrimination and Inequality. This class has a lot of papers/readings (typical), some of which should be interesting and others of which are just ridiculous. Example: In a reading detailing forms of oppression, it picked marriage as the example to use for exploitation. Marriage. Really. The teacher is ok, at least, and I don't think getting a P should be too taxing.

Integrated Practice. This class is half direct, half macro and looks to be *gasp* actually informative. Unlike last semester, we're learning things we can actually use...in practice. I'm kind of shocked they're teaching us this. Too bad the macro teacher is an anti-Catholic lesbian (nothing against lesbians...I just don't like this one. It'll probably end up being mutual if she keeps making snide comments about Catholics).

Human Development II: Adulthood. More of the same from last semester. Hopefully less reading off the powerpoint slides like we can't do that ourselves.

Foundations of Evidence-Based Practice. This is a class about research and program evaluation. As such, it is potentially useful but dead boring. And also wayyyy too much work.

Foundation Field Seminar II. More of the same again--ie, could be useful and fun but isn't because they give us stupid assignments.

So, overall, more of the same--overwork, unnecessary assignments, and throughout a sense of being a guniea pig as every one of my teachers this semester has said, "We don't really know what we're doing since it's the first time we've done it...". In 2 classes they're trying to incorporate an online component which ends up being way more work than just reading articles and stuff. I wish I hadn't picked the year they decided to completely redo the curriculum...

In addition to all the classroom stuff, my fellow students and I seem to be on increasingly different wavelengths, with my feeling like I'm marooned on an island of permissive liberalism. Our stances on abortion are certainly radically different; it's not a solution for teen pregnancy, no matter what they might think. So, being back is frustrating on many levels.

Including being back at JFS. Admittedly I like it there much more than I like being on campus, but I'm already about 30 hours over where I should be, am having to work a lot of Friday evening events (which, since I've started working group programs for the Arc on Fridays, means I have to cut my work hours), manage two groups and sit on a committee (which usually have meetings Monday night, which I usually use for doing reading), 4 clients, and working on a grant, I am already looking like the living dead. And I've only been back a week. My dilemma now is, do I quit early because I'm so ahead in hours (we're allowed to do that), or do I just keep going and end up 50ish hours over at the end of the semester?

I'm also trying to figure out what classes to take next year (made more confusing by the fact that nobody knows what they're doing because it's new, of course) and where to intern. We have to have it all figured out by the second week in February. Here's hoping I make it that far.

A Look Back

2009-01-08T18:59:00.001-08:00

Apparently, the future meant to bring a wicked bad cold that kept me in bed for 3 days (literally. Today was the first day I'd been out of the house since Monday. ) And a reality check--when I finally got back today all my textbooks had been delivered and I had (alas!) homework, several meetings to schedule, laundry, dozens of e-mails, and work tomorrow--not to mention a pile of errands I had meant to do over the course of several days and am now doing...before work tomorrow. Urgh.

SO, to stave off impending reality just a bit longer, I'm going to recap some of my favorite books/movies of 2008 (movies that came out in 2008, the books are those that I just read this past year). Because I feel like it.

Movies
My top ten movies of 2008: (in no particular order)

Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day. Great costumes, music, and a happy ending. My favorite kind of movie.
Valkyrie. Tension, WWII, and Nazis getting what they deserve. I could do without Tom Cruise's freaky fake eye, though.
The Tale of Desperaux. This movie was very well animated, and I thought the story held some important moral lessons for kids (heck, for adults too). Plus it had Emma Watson in it.
The Dark Knight. Wayyy better than the original Batman movies. If Heath Ledger doesn't get an Oscar, it's a tragedy, just like his death.
27 Dresses. Chick flick? Obviously. But again, a happy ending and an entire movie about weddings, which, as you all know, was a bit of an obsession for me this past year.
Sex and the City. This movie had some stupid moments (Carrie's ridiculous bird wedding hat being one of them) but the look on Steve's face when he and Miranda got back together was worth it.
Wall-E. Adorable robots, great animation,and, you guessed it, a happy ending (beginning to see a theme here?).
Baby Mama. Tina Fey + Amy Poehler=Hilarious. No matter what they're doing. Even Brian thought this one was funny.
Australia. Good costumes and sets, a really interesting and captivating story, and, of course, a happy ending. Mostly.
Young@Heart. Old people singing rock songs sounds dumb..but it was AMAZING.

As for the WORST movies of 2008, here are my tops:

Penelope. She looked better with her pig snout..which kind of gets rid of the whole purpose of the story.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull...aliens?? really?
Wanted. The only good part of that movie was when Morgan Freeman said, "Shoot me, motherf***er". There's just something wrong there.
Hancock. This was just dumb all around. Shame on you, Will Smith.
21. Winner winner, chicken dinner. Alas, this film was not a winner.
Fool's Gold. Generally I like romantic comedies. But Matthew McHoweveryouspellit got hit too many times with things that went "clang!" for this to be funny.
Twilight. I've posted on this before so I won't repeat myself.

Clearly the Academy and I differ.

Books

What sticks out to me about books this year is my newfound addiction to the Pink Carnation series by Lauren Willig and the Inspector Lynley series by Elizabeth George. There are also a few standouts by non-series books:

The Thirteenth Tale. I just finished this, and it was one of the best books I've read in a long time. It was...magical. I really, REALLY, recommend it.
Julie & Julia. Cooking + chick lit=a book for me. Which is also getting made into a movie. BONUS!
Brideshead Revisited. This was like a serious Jeeves & Wooster. I missed Tuppy and Stinker Pinker and all his weird pals...but not for long.
The Blind Assassin. I love Margaret Atwood, and this was one of her best.
The Perfect Summer: England 1911, Just Before the Storm. Only I would pick up and read a book like this...but it was very good and I recommend it if you like social history.
The Memory Keeper's Daughter. I had written this off as a mindless best seller...but it's not.
Mister Pip. I read this for a class..but this story of the embattled natives of Papua, New Guinea, involved one of my favorite books (Great Expectations) in such a fantastic way I couldn't have ever imagined it...but it was just right.

Ahh. What a refreshing look back. Now to the present..but more on that later.

Sudden Changes

2009-01-05T07:33:00.000-08:00

2008 certainly brought its share of changes--graduating, getting engaged, moving into an apartment on my own, starting grad school....but the 2nd day of 2009 brought one of the most sudden: On Friday, Brian's dad had some chest pain just as he was about to start a surgery, and was forced by the hospital administrators to have it checked out. Nobody thought it was going to be very serious, so we weren't worried--until they got the tests back to find that all his arteries were 90-95% blocked. So I basically threw Brian and Maddy in the car and drove to New Bern in the middle of the night (NOT fun), and they're doing his dad's surgery today. I'm actually just waiting for the call that he's gone into surgery, and then i'll go over and sit in the waiting room. (I think Dante was wrong--i'm pretty sure purgatory looks like a hospital waiting room where they never come out to tell you how it's going. My mom had neck surgery when I was in the 8th grade, and I just remembered sitting there as being so utterly miserable. Ironically, it was Brian's dad who did that surgery, and while my mom was in the hospital was the first time I met Brian, even if he doesn't remember it--he was in 9th grade then and went by BJ. teehee.)

So, in short, i'm back home for the week unexpectedly and back to my old habits of forcing Brian to sleep and eat. I'm sad that we're missing out on what we had planned--he was going to spend a few days at my apartment and had only been there about 2 hours when we had to leave--but glad that his dad didn't have any heart damage and was lucky enough to be in the hospital when it happened. Who knows what the future will bring...

Resolutions

2009-01-01T17:18:00.000-08:00

Since it's New Year's, I thought it would be good measure to make some resolutions (here, where other people can read them and I can't "forget" about them)...

Eat healthy. This means more fruits & vegetables, and less pasta. This could be a hard one.
Eat less sugar. I'm doing pretty good on this one, really....i've pretty much cut out any kind of candy or sugary snack, and only eat one helping of dessert at parties or dinners and such, if I eat anything--at restaurants it's easy to refuse since I save money too. Plus I finally hid the Godiva's box I got for Christmas and am trying to ignore it. I miss dessert, but it made me so cranky and miserable it's just not worth it.
Complain less.
Compliment people more.
Don't quit school. (this sounds stupid, but as much as I am NOT looking forward to going back, it's realistic).

For a review of 2008, check back soon...

Goodbye, Christmas

2008-12-28T15:47:00.000-08:00

Despite the fact that Brian continually insists that Christmas is 12 days long (ending on Epiphany, January 6), I already feel like it's over. I'm back in Chapel Hill, getting ready for work tomorrow --and for once, I really wasn't ready to leave home. Christmas wasn't as awful as I had anticipated (it was actually very nice, despite the un-Christmasy temperatures) and for the first time in a very, very, VERY long time, I had nothing to do and didn't feel guilty/bored. I spent most of Friday and Saturday reading and sleeping (helped along by a seriously bad headache on Saturday), and I have to say I wish I could do more of it. Work last week was beyond exhausting, and I ended up covered in bruises and barely able to move (thank you, whoever decided to send autistic kids to the roller rink). I'm hardly looking forward to it this week, besides that fact that no one will be in town for New Year's Eve--hence, I'll have to spend it alone. I think I was dreading most coming back here and being lonely--thankfully Brian comes back on Friday, as we have to go to a wedding on Saturday.

But enough for the negative.

For Christmas this year, I have to say my favorite gifts were decorations I can put up next year--I found it really hard to get in the spirit when all I had was a wreath on the door. I got a little plush tree on a stand (John), a Santa mug (Lara), a "Santa's Favorite Cat" pillow with a picture of Maddy (Brian's family) a Snowbabies statuette with penguins (Brian's grandma), and some snowman mugs/dessert plates (Dad). It's nice to start collecting things like that, and hopefully it will make next year's Christmas more...Christmasy. I also got a GPS (which is a seriously good thing, if you know how much I get lost) and a new iPod, as my old one died a watery death back in the spring when my thermos leaked. Not to mention a new thermos, one of those metal ones rather than the plastic ones, which I've heard are bad for you, and anyway start to smell after a day or two, and are hard to wash.

I also went to see Valkyrie, against my better judgement because I can't stand Tom Cruise these days but Brian asked, and he so rarely wants to see movies that I couldn't turn him down. It ended up being really good, in part because Tom Cruise's massive ego, which usually overpowers any character he's playing (Mission:Impossible 3, anyone?) actually contributed to the character, which was one of the major players in the plot to assassinate Hitler in 1944. I recommended it if you like dramatic WWII movies (there aren't many explosions, etc., but the plot made up for it).

Life Lessons

2008-12-21T13:19:00.000-08:00

It seems that my main Christmas gift this year has been to learn a whole bunch of life lessons in a very short time span...

1.) Don't speed. This seems like a no brainer..but it is very tempting to drive 70 when you are on country roads when no one is in front of you. Note to self: Don't. Or you'll get another ticket and then you'll lose your license.

2.) Circular highway exits can be treacherous. They may lead you right into the cars of African-American obama-shirt-wearing women who are not too nice about it.

3.) Don't let your cat encounter your mom's cat(s). This will result in blood and an emergency vet visit, and a week's worth of tracking her down so you can put antibiotic ointment on her eye.

4.) I am not the only kid with divorced parents who hates Christmas (or for that matter,all holidays). I think we should mutiny and pick one spot where we can stay the whole day.

5.) Good movies with moral lessons DO exist...in the form of The Tale of Desperaux, a great movie with a good plot, animation, and voice-overs. I recommend it, especially for kids growing up in our ridiculous environment (just today in the newspaper there were letters to Santa, most featuring ridiculous lists of toys and video games. Alas, consumerism).

6.) Really young kids are now getting engaged/married...case in point, my stepbrother, who is 19 and just proposed to his 18-year-old girlfriend. Also the masses of people I know who are younger than me I see in the wedding announcements every time I open the paper. Perhaps I am just a 23-year-old fogie, but this scares me.

Now, having learned all these lessons, I must go forth and work tomorrow. Merry Christmas to me.

What a Week(end)

2008-12-14T18:37:00.000-08:00

This week started out easy--I finished up my Christmas shopping, and the rest of the time sat around in my pajamas working on my online class (which is getting ridiculous..more on that in a bit). Then somehow it exploded, and I ended up working about 30 hours in three days, plus some today, and some tomorrow. I'm so exhausted I can barely see straight, and I've been having dreams about making breakthroughs with my clients in therapy, and waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat thinking that I've forgotten something crucial for one of the many things I had to do this weekend.

Here's a run down of my week:

Monday: shopping, online class

Tuesday: online class

Wednesday: 10 hour workday, including a potluck/meeting with the JFS advisory board at which I had to present what the special needs committee is doing.

Thursday:9 hour workday, including 4 clients (one of whom I had to convince to get out of bed and help dress)

Friday: 10 more hours, including a clinical lecture on ABC therapy and the first Special Needs Shabbat (this one for Hanukkah).

Saturday: Attempting to go to the gym (I nearly fell asleep halfway through) and a family Christmas party in Burlington.

Sunday: Hanukkah party for the seniors, online class, mass.

No wonder i'm tired.

The special needs dinner went well--and now they want me to start a group for young adults. This is a good idea...but I'm already feeling overworked, and I didn't even have class this week. Plus I felt like the whole thing was a giant test--I was co-facilitating the young adults with someone who worked at TEACCH for a really long time (and has offered me an internship there next year) and I felt like all my actions were being judged. I think I did well (maybe too well, since he wants me to start up the group and reallly wants me at TEACCH next year). But there's a reason I quit my job on the weekends..I don't want to add more work for which I don't even get paid.

The Hanukkah party today was packed, and Brian was a hit, since I drug him with me. Also, i'm now addicted to seltzer (it's everywhere at Jewish functions!) and latkes are quite tasty. I can also sing most of the blessings in Hebrew now without having to look at anything.

Now, for the online class: This is ludicrous. It's SO much information that it's worth a semester class. I've probably spent 30 hours on it so far at LEAST and i'm only halfway through the fifth section (out of six). Today alone I spent THREE HOURS watching videos on gay rights. And we have an exam after every section that has ridiculously specific questions on it. Honestly, working myself to death was not what I had intended to spend my first week on break doing.

Done! Mostly...

2008-12-07T17:13:00.000-08:00

I have at last finished all my classes...papers, exams, meetings..over! I'm glad of it, as it's been a bit of a rough semester (this 9-5 or 6 schedule every day makes me long for the days of undergrad when I had breaks AND time to work for money during the week). I also finished work with Joe yesterday, although I did tell his parents I would sub sometimes, and I'm really hoping they don't call me all the time. Not that I can't use the money, though...

I still have a week left at my internship before I can take a break from that too (kind of...i'm sure the special needs team will hound me with e-mails). BUT..I have my online class hanging over my head, that I DO NOT want to do. Class over Christmas break?? It's just wrong. Really.

Twilighting

2008-12-04T06:24:00.000-08:00

Having just finished the last of the Twilight books, I thought I would share some thoughts on them. First, a summary for those of you who haven't read them (if you don't want to know, skip this part):

Twilight: Bella moves to Forks, Washington to live with her dad. There, she meets Edward, who at first acts like he hates her, but then falls in love with her. She follows suit. It doesn't freak her out that he's a vampire. There's some drama with some vampires who drink human blood (unlike Edward's family, who all drink animal blood), but Edward saves Bella, and then convinces her to go to the prom.

New Moon: Edward decides that he doesn't want Bella going to hell like he's going to do because he has no soul; he leaves. She spends a lot of time comatose. Jacob steps in. Bella and Jacob start doing risky things, like riding motorcycles. Bella breaks a lot of bones. Turns out, Jacob and a bunch of his friends are really werewolves. Edward thinks Bella is trying to kill herself and has succeeded; he tries to kill himself. Bella saves him. They get back together. Jacob is not happy.

Eclipse: Bella tries to convince Edward to change her into a vampire. He says, after graduation and they have to get married first. She eventually agrees. There's some drama with one of the vampires that tries to kill her in Twilight, who has created an army of newborn vampires. Bella realizes it might not be so awesome to be a vampire. Jacob tries to convince her to leave Edward and be with him. Bella says no. Jacob runs away.

Breaking Dawn: Edward and Bella get married. Bella gets pregnant, which no one thought could happen. Turns out, half-vampires grow super fast and in a month she has the baby, which breaks her spine--so Edward now has to turn Bella into a vampire. Miraculously, she has no ill effects, and is in control immediately. Jacob finds out Bella's daughter, Renesmee, is his soul mate. No more Edward-Jacob awkwardness. The Volturi, the vampire police, use Renesemee as an excuse to destroy the Cullens & friends, but they convince them not to. Happily ever after.

That done, I'll say that I think Stephanie Meyer's writing style is very amateurish-her plot lines are never fully developed and her settings are barely there. And she takes up a ton of space recounting really mundane occurrences, making all her books 700ish pages long. It bothers me that these are the books that have of the US is addicted to--they're so unsophisticated, what does this say about us? However, despite my criticism, I do think she has a strong literary voice in Bella, and her books are very readable, if barebones and generally just kind of silly.

If you like vampire books but didn't like Twilight, I suggest Sunshine by Robin McKinley--the settings are much more established and the characters are stronger (plus, less silly romance).

Tryptofantastic

2008-11-29T19:07:00.000-08:00

After my usual glut of holiday food (only two Thanksgiving dinners this year, thank goodness) and family, i'm feeling worn out and exhausted. Not to mention the fact that I came down with a cold practically as soon as I got here and have felt progressively worse every day. Thankfully, today was a bit better since i've stopped sneezing every 3 seconds.

As much as I enjoy being home, I am once again REALLY ready to go back to Chapel Hill, despite my conflictual relationship with it currently. I just feel stifled here in the mess of my mom's house...I need some autonomy. And cleanliness. And a bed frame, which I currently don't have here because it is still leaning up against a wall in the dining room waiting to be carried upstairs and put back together. Ack.

To further the weekend awkwardness that begun with my mom asking my stepmom if she wanted to join us for a movie and continued at my dad's on Friday, as we ate dinner and then all started at each other for what seemed like 2 years but was probably about 2-3 hours, a client tried to friend me on facebook. Clearly, this is not appropriate, and now I feel like I have to bring up boundaries because I don't want him to get a friending complex. I am really not cut out for direct practice. Really.

I DID go see Australia, which was as good as Twilight was ridiculously awful. Great setting, costumes (my favorite, of course) and music. I was feeling iffy, since Baz Lurhmann movies can either be good (Moulin Rouge) or kitschy (Romeo + Juliet)..thankfully this one was good, but on a MUCH larger scale than Moulin Rouge, not to mention longer (3 hours!!). When I went the theater was packed with elderly people, and I have to say the best part of the movie was when Hugh Jackman emerged in a white smoking jacket and a collective "mmm" went up from the elderly ladies.

Crikey.

After a bit of a break, it's back to the grindstone tomorrow, since I have 2 exams coming up this week. Blech. At least i'm done after that....

Let the holidays begin!

2008-11-23T14:54:00.000-08:00

The Christian holiday, that is...I'm not sure the Jewish ones ever end, to be honest. Thanksgiving is kind of areligious.

I had another busy but good weekend...Friday I went to dinner and then to the CHiPs improv show with some SW girls...on leaving dinner we saw a huge crowd of people marching down Franklin (blocking an entire lane of traffic, which, I imagine, was not making the bus full of people stuck behind them very happy). They were wearing skull masks, weird clothes, and wheeling a coffin that said "capitalism" on the side. This only contributes to my notion that it is really time to get out of Chapel Hill. At least CHiPs was hilarious as always, and my fellow JFS intern was there, so we had some good laughs about things that happened this week (for example, when Debbie, one of the social workers, said about her couch, "This thing sure gets a lot of action!". hahaha).

Saturday I did some Christmas shopping, which mostly consisted of going to Barnes & Nobles to look for children's books for my niece (SO MUCH FUN!! I got "Goodnight Moon", "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom", "Guess How Much I Love You", and a Sandra Boynton book called "Horns to toes") and Southern Season, which is always a good outing, even if I go just to browse the teas.

Then I went to see Twilight, which, i' m sad to say, was even more ridiculous than the books (which I honestly wasn't sure was possible). It was PACKED with tweens, and the movie mostly consisted of close-ups of Edward and Bella's faces, breathing hard and looking anxious. It was essentially two hours of middle school style awkward. Here's some choice lines:

"Hang on, you little spider monkey"

"Bella, you're my own personal form of heroin"

Good grief.

Today was also my next-to-last day with Joe, which went fine except for when I burned my finger baking cookies since his well-loved favorite pot-holder was a little TOO well-loved, and had a hole in it. And when he washed his hands, and then dried them. On the dog. I can't make this stuff up.

School-wise: 2 weeks left of class! I've turned in one paper, finished another, and am about halfway through the last 2 (one of them is a group paper, and i'm just waiting for one group member to give me his part..I understand why he hasn't yet, but it still kind of ticks me off. The control freak is always there, it's just dormant sometimes.) Then I have my online class (blahhhh) and a bunch of work for my internship. Followed by work for the Arc. And more work for my internship. So yeah, I'm getting a break...*sigh*. At least there's no class...