This 4th of July has gotten me pondering the many challenges being an introvert presents, the 4th, of course, being a holiday that most people celebrate by going to crowded cookouts.
Recently, we had a cookout for some staff members who are leaving, and my supervisor said I couldn't count the 4+ hours I spent there, plus the 2 hour commute, as work hours on my timesheet. Which of course makes sense from a logical standpoint, but for me, that WAS work! Working in the office all day and then going to my boss's house with all the people I work with, most of whom I never see in social situations, and getting home at midnight was HARD. Being in groups of people for any length of time absolutely exhausts me, even if they're all people I know well and enjoy hanging out with. I enjoy working on teams and in groups, but I need a certain amount of time each day to process things and be by myself.
There are 2 cookouts going on, one at the neighbor's and one at the waterpark in town (yes, we don't have a post office, but we have a waterpark), and as Brian enjoys grilled food he wanted to go, but as we spent all of Saturday with 2 of his uncles and his aunt, the prospect of spending an unspecified amount of time with people I don't know well or don't know at all is not one I look forward to (thankfully, it's raining, so that solves that).
The fact that we're the only couple left in the neighborhood without children makes things even more draining, as it means that at every gathering I have to endure "Are you pregnant? When are you thinking of having kids?" etc. etc. As to the first question, the obvious answer is no (and I regret to say that I've started to snap "No, I'm infertile!"), but as to the second (which is often followed by "Well, aren't you going to adopt?"), I don't have an answer. Neither Brian nor myself feel any great urging to have children at this point, and we want to wait until he finishes his Master's and we settle wherever we'll be next in any event. Plus, although the tons of children in our neighborhood are cute and, for the most part, very well-behaved, being at parties where I have to contend not only with them but also their parents wears me out twice as fast.
So what's the solution for an introvert who hates phone calls, dreads parties, and has no good answer to the children question? Well, at today at least, it's staying home and watching Star Wars with my husband while eating homemade baked goods.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
Bittersweet birthday
I realize my birthday was a little over a month ago, but it hit me this weekend how different 26 is from 25 in a number of ways.
First off, I'm officially uninsured. The recent healthcare bill made it possible to stay on my dad's insurance for another year, even though I'm married and no longer a student. But 26 is the absolute limit, and when I went to refill my prescription on Friday, hearing the pharmacist saying "your insurance is expired" really brought it home.
Plus I had to go out and buy a file cabinet for all the various adulty paperwork I have--car title, marriage license, bank statements, car insurance, loan paperwork, etc.,
When the heck did I become an adult? An uninsured adult with tons of paperwork and only a part-time job?
I hope by my 27th we know where we're moving next, and I have at least the prospects of a full time job wherever that might be. As more and more of my friends start having kids, I also wonder when we should start thinking about that...but then I get too freaked out and stop. One thing at a time, one thing at a time...
First off, I'm officially uninsured. The recent healthcare bill made it possible to stay on my dad's insurance for another year, even though I'm married and no longer a student. But 26 is the absolute limit, and when I went to refill my prescription on Friday, hearing the pharmacist saying "your insurance is expired" really brought it home.
Plus I had to go out and buy a file cabinet for all the various adulty paperwork I have--car title, marriage license, bank statements, car insurance, loan paperwork, etc.,
When the heck did I become an adult? An uninsured adult with tons of paperwork and only a part-time job?
I hope by my 27th we know where we're moving next, and I have at least the prospects of a full time job wherever that might be. As more and more of my friends start having kids, I also wonder when we should start thinking about that...but then I get too freaked out and stop. One thing at a time, one thing at a time...
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
The English can really hold a grudge
Recently, I've moved away slightly from my favorite topic of Victorian social culture and have started reading nonfiction books and watching movies set in early 20th century England. Hey, I said slightly.
What I've really started to realize is that the English can REALLY hold a grudge. I'm talking here mostly about the entire country's hatred of Wallis Simpson, who caused Edward VIII to abdicate in 1937.(See what I mean in this article from the British Independent: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/this-britain/the-return-of-wallis-simpson-2219771.html Even the woman writing a book on her can't like her).
Wallis Simpson first made it onto my anglophile radar during a visit to the National Portrait Museum, my favorite museum ever and a place I visited multiple times when studying abroad in London. There's a tiny room (or there was, in 2006) with sketches and small portraits of the current royal family. There was a single picture of Wallis, with a brief note about her relationship to the Windsors. She continued to pop up during reading, but as I don't often venture into the 20th century, it wasn't often.
Then I saw The King's Speech in January, during which Wallis makes a brief appearance in person (played, of course, as an obnoxious, frivolous American) and a frequent appearance in the plot, as she was the main reason for Edward VIII's abdication, as mentioned, and a large part of the strife in the movie..
Then, the Upstairs, Downstairs remake appeared on PBS in April, again briefly featuring Wallis (the main "Upstairs" character was told she had to invite her to a party, even though she was nobody important). This time, Wallis appeared with von Ribbentrop (yes, the Nazi one) in tow, with the implication that Wallis was a Nazi sympathizer, and was sleeping with von Ribbentrop to boot.
Ouch.
Then, I started reading a book on the Curzon sisters (Irene, Cimmie, and Baba), who were intimates of Edward VIII. The author spends nearly 1/3 of the book talking badly about Wallis, her obnoxious character, how ugly she was, the incredible amount of money she spent, her unaccountable pull over the King/Duke (once he abdicated) and how badly she treated him, their servants, and basically everyone else.
These people REALLY dislike her.
I don't feel one way or the other about Wallis Simpson, but then I have to say I also am not a huge fan of anyone in the 20s and 30s who was upperclass and did nothing but spend money, Winston Churchill and the Queen Mum excepted.
But the English could really teach the Mafia something about disliking someone for generations.
What I've really started to realize is that the English can REALLY hold a grudge. I'm talking here mostly about the entire country's hatred of Wallis Simpson, who caused Edward VIII to abdicate in 1937.(See what I mean in this article from the British Independent: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/this-britain/the-return-of-wallis-simpson-2219771.html Even the woman writing a book on her can't like her).
Wallis Simpson first made it onto my anglophile radar during a visit to the National Portrait Museum, my favorite museum ever and a place I visited multiple times when studying abroad in London. There's a tiny room (or there was, in 2006) with sketches and small portraits of the current royal family. There was a single picture of Wallis, with a brief note about her relationship to the Windsors. She continued to pop up during reading, but as I don't often venture into the 20th century, it wasn't often.
Then I saw The King's Speech in January, during which Wallis makes a brief appearance in person (played, of course, as an obnoxious, frivolous American) and a frequent appearance in the plot, as she was the main reason for Edward VIII's abdication, as mentioned, and a large part of the strife in the movie..
Then, the Upstairs, Downstairs remake appeared on PBS in April, again briefly featuring Wallis (the main "Upstairs" character was told she had to invite her to a party, even though she was nobody important). This time, Wallis appeared with von Ribbentrop (yes, the Nazi one) in tow, with the implication that Wallis was a Nazi sympathizer, and was sleeping with von Ribbentrop to boot.
Ouch.
Then, I started reading a book on the Curzon sisters (Irene, Cimmie, and Baba), who were intimates of Edward VIII. The author spends nearly 1/3 of the book talking badly about Wallis, her obnoxious character, how ugly she was, the incredible amount of money she spent, her unaccountable pull over the King/Duke (once he abdicated) and how badly she treated him, their servants, and basically everyone else.
These people REALLY dislike her.
I don't feel one way or the other about Wallis Simpson, but then I have to say I also am not a huge fan of anyone in the 20s and 30s who was upperclass and did nothing but spend money, Winston Churchill and the Queen Mum excepted.
But the English could really teach the Mafia something about disliking someone for generations.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Things that make me happy
It's been a pretty rough summer so far, with Brian stressed to the breaking point with his intensive Greek class and the low morale at work, so I've recently done some thinking about things that make me happy and have been making an effort to do some of them. So as I'm watching "So You Think You Can Dance", a show that undoubtedly makes me happy with all their great dance routines, I thought I would do some musing in print (or...font?)
Chocolate
I love chocolate. It may very well be my favorite thing ever. This summer I've been baking even more things in chocolate than normal--this weekend I'm planning on making a chocolate pudding pie with (you guessed it) a chocolate crust. My supervisor at work keeps a jar of mini chocolate bars on her desk, and sometimes when I'm stressed I pop in her office for no reason and take one.
Baking
Baking has always been an activity that brings me comfort--plus, it results in dessert. The problem now is just finding people to eat what I bake!
Reading a good book while drinking tea
I love curling up with a good book, a cup of tea, and a blanket, especially when it's cold and/or stormy out. Some of the best books I've read this year include "The Help" by Kathryn Strockett, "The Forgotten Garden" by Kate Morton, The Amelia Peabody series (as always), "The Buccaneers" by Edith Wharton, and The Millenium Trilogy by Swedish author Stieg Larsson.
My favorite tea? Caffeinated: Assam (although I haven't found a good one in the US), Darjeeling, and Chai, Decaf: English Breakfast, Peppermint, and Chocolate Hazelnut (yes, chocolate. I told you I loved it).
A well-written, happy movie
I love a movie with a good plot, well-written characters, and a happy ending. My favorite movies include "The Holiday" (with Kate Winslet, not Katharine Hepburn), "Love Actually", and "Julie & Julia".
Some great movies I've seen this year that fit in this group include "Tangled" (I love a princess movie), "The King's Speech", and "Ramona and Beezus". Sometimes I have to resort to children's movies to find the happy ending, especially in a year that produced "Black Swan", the most uncomfortable and abjectly depressing movie I've ever seen.
Brian's jokes and impressions
Brian's impressions (especially of my family members) and the jokes he makes that are probably only funny to me can always make me smile.
A good workout
I love both the feeling after a good workout, and also, during workout classes, the camaraderie that can develop, especially with a funny, outgoing instructor. I really miss group exercise classes, but I've been trying to make it to the exercise room i town more often.
So, just a short list, but all things that make me feel better when I'm down. Now back to So You Think You Can Dance!
Chocolate
I love chocolate. It may very well be my favorite thing ever. This summer I've been baking even more things in chocolate than normal--this weekend I'm planning on making a chocolate pudding pie with (you guessed it) a chocolate crust. My supervisor at work keeps a jar of mini chocolate bars on her desk, and sometimes when I'm stressed I pop in her office for no reason and take one.
Baking
Baking has always been an activity that brings me comfort--plus, it results in dessert. The problem now is just finding people to eat what I bake!
Reading a good book while drinking tea
I love curling up with a good book, a cup of tea, and a blanket, especially when it's cold and/or stormy out. Some of the best books I've read this year include "The Help" by Kathryn Strockett, "The Forgotten Garden" by Kate Morton, The Amelia Peabody series (as always), "The Buccaneers" by Edith Wharton, and The Millenium Trilogy by Swedish author Stieg Larsson.
My favorite tea? Caffeinated: Assam (although I haven't found a good one in the US), Darjeeling, and Chai, Decaf: English Breakfast, Peppermint, and Chocolate Hazelnut (yes, chocolate. I told you I loved it).
A well-written, happy movie
I love a movie with a good plot, well-written characters, and a happy ending. My favorite movies include "The Holiday" (with Kate Winslet, not Katharine Hepburn), "Love Actually", and "Julie & Julia".
Some great movies I've seen this year that fit in this group include "Tangled" (I love a princess movie), "The King's Speech", and "Ramona and Beezus". Sometimes I have to resort to children's movies to find the happy ending, especially in a year that produced "Black Swan", the most uncomfortable and abjectly depressing movie I've ever seen.
Brian's jokes and impressions
Brian's impressions (especially of my family members) and the jokes he makes that are probably only funny to me can always make me smile.
A good workout
I love both the feeling after a good workout, and also, during workout classes, the camaraderie that can develop, especially with a funny, outgoing instructor. I really miss group exercise classes, but I've been trying to make it to the exercise room i town more often.
So, just a short list, but all things that make me feel better when I'm down. Now back to So You Think You Can Dance!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
We made it! Now what?
Well, we made it through Brian's first year of grad school. And boy, was it a long road.
He's already started on summer school (Ancient Greek), which he'll be in until July, but that means he's officially in his second year, and less than a year to go until graduation (May 5, 2012!!!).
This year, admittedly, has been HARD--moving to Florida, our first year of being married, going to (and working at) a small, fledgling school that is still struggling to find its administrative feet. Most of the friends we made this year graduated this weekend, and are leaving over the course of the next few weeks to go onto Ph.D programs or jobs (or job hunts, as the case may be).
Looking ahead, Brian still has a lot of work to do before he's an M.A.--his thesis, for one thing. He'll also be applying to doctoral programs starting this fall, and so we'll be back to having NO idea where we'll be come next fall (it likely won't be here, but I won't rule anything out at this point). My job, as the first career counselor the University's had, is an uphill battle getting students and faculty to recognize the importance of Career Services--if I have a job at all come fall. They are reportedly cutting 30+ staff members this summer, and no one has any idea who they will be. I could be getting laid off, but I hope not; I'm hoping to stick it out in this job at least until next summer when we figure out what we'll be doing next.
We made it through our first year in Florida--who knows what the second will bring.
He's already started on summer school (Ancient Greek), which he'll be in until July, but that means he's officially in his second year, and less than a year to go until graduation (May 5, 2012!!!).
This year, admittedly, has been HARD--moving to Florida, our first year of being married, going to (and working at) a small, fledgling school that is still struggling to find its administrative feet. Most of the friends we made this year graduated this weekend, and are leaving over the course of the next few weeks to go onto Ph.D programs or jobs (or job hunts, as the case may be).
Looking ahead, Brian still has a lot of work to do before he's an M.A.--his thesis, for one thing. He'll also be applying to doctoral programs starting this fall, and so we'll be back to having NO idea where we'll be come next fall (it likely won't be here, but I won't rule anything out at this point). My job, as the first career counselor the University's had, is an uphill battle getting students and faculty to recognize the importance of Career Services--if I have a job at all come fall. They are reportedly cutting 30+ staff members this summer, and no one has any idea who they will be. I could be getting laid off, but I hope not; I'm hoping to stick it out in this job at least until next summer when we figure out what we'll be doing next.
We made it through our first year in Florida--who knows what the second will bring.
Friday, April 29, 2011
"Hello, I'm infertile. How are you?"
Recently, living in a neighborhood PACKED with kids (there are only 2 other couples who don't have kids and aren't currently pregnant, and BOTH of them are moving this summer--all the others have at least 1 and most have 3-4) has really started to get to me.
A friend posted this article on Facebook, and after reading it I have to say how much I absolutely identify with it. Living in such a conservative, Catholic town, being married for a year without being pregnant is essentially an abnormality. Even our parents are starting to ask--and I'm getting to the point where I feel like literally screaming "I'M INFERTILE! Stop asking me this, it's hurtful!" I know they don't do it to be hurtful, but still.
In the afternoons, most of the moms in my neighborhood go out with the kids and play on the street, and I feel like I can't even venture out to get the mail without all of them staring at me and wondering why I don't have children (this is an exaggeration...probably). A friend recently remarked that he thought someone should be sterilized (that's a whole different issue, of course), and even though I frequently argue against sterilization without feeling any emotion but outright anger, this time I burst into tears and sobbed for upwards of an hour. Just because the talk of anything being sterile, especially involuntarily, makes me cry these days.
In other word, I'm a mess, and living where we currently do is not making anything better.
In (slightly related) work news, I've finally gotten upped to 30 hours--but you have to be 32 to qualify for benefits. Excuse me if I'm slightly bitter.
A friend posted this article on Facebook, and after reading it I have to say how much I absolutely identify with it. Living in such a conservative, Catholic town, being married for a year without being pregnant is essentially an abnormality. Even our parents are starting to ask--and I'm getting to the point where I feel like literally screaming "I'M INFERTILE! Stop asking me this, it's hurtful!" I know they don't do it to be hurtful, but still.
In the afternoons, most of the moms in my neighborhood go out with the kids and play on the street, and I feel like I can't even venture out to get the mail without all of them staring at me and wondering why I don't have children (this is an exaggeration...probably). A friend recently remarked that he thought someone should be sterilized (that's a whole different issue, of course), and even though I frequently argue against sterilization without feeling any emotion but outright anger, this time I burst into tears and sobbed for upwards of an hour. Just because the talk of anything being sterile, especially involuntarily, makes me cry these days.
In other word, I'm a mess, and living where we currently do is not making anything better.
In (slightly related) work news, I've finally gotten upped to 30 hours--but you have to be 32 to qualify for benefits. Excuse me if I'm slightly bitter.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
City girl or country girl?
Before I moved here, I would never have said that I was a city girl. I grew up in a fairly rural area, enjoy the country, and like small towns.
And then I moved into the middle of the Florida everglades. And I realized I am actually a city girl. Or at the very least a suburbs-of-the-city girl. I HATE living 45 minutes to an hour from everything--and I mean everything, except for a (very pricey, very tiny) grocery store, two sandwich shops,and a very pricey, not-so-great pub. The nearest bank? an hour. The nearest Target and Wal Mart? 45 minutes. At least the drive is sunny...but nearly all of it is under construction.
Having egrets flying outside our window every morning is great (not to mention the occasionally alligator and panther, walking not flying, obviously), and I should be enjoying it. But it is driving me plumb crazy. I miss living in Cary, which was within 20 minutes of downtown Raleigh, and nearly every restaurant/store you could think of, but still had lots of trees. There were museums, and parks, and lots of performing arts.
Egrets are wonderful, and on vacation I love being in the environment we live in now. Quiet, peaceful, great scenery. But overall, I'm finding that I prefer museums and the performing arts--with the option for great parks--for everyday.
I have a little over a year left to go here, and I'm trying to enjoy it--how many people can say they've had an alligator AND a panther in their backyard??--but I'm thinking about the city.
And then I moved into the middle of the Florida everglades. And I realized I am actually a city girl. Or at the very least a suburbs-of-the-city girl. I HATE living 45 minutes to an hour from everything--and I mean everything, except for a (very pricey, very tiny) grocery store, two sandwich shops,and a very pricey, not-so-great pub. The nearest bank? an hour. The nearest Target and Wal Mart? 45 minutes. At least the drive is sunny...but nearly all of it is under construction.
Having egrets flying outside our window every morning is great (not to mention the occasionally alligator and panther, walking not flying, obviously), and I should be enjoying it. But it is driving me plumb crazy. I miss living in Cary, which was within 20 minutes of downtown Raleigh, and nearly every restaurant/store you could think of, but still had lots of trees. There were museums, and parks, and lots of performing arts.
Egrets are wonderful, and on vacation I love being in the environment we live in now. Quiet, peaceful, great scenery. But overall, I'm finding that I prefer museums and the performing arts--with the option for great parks--for everyday.
I have a little over a year left to go here, and I'm trying to enjoy it--how many people can say they've had an alligator AND a panther in their backyard??--but I'm thinking about the city.
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