"Hello, I'm infertile. How are you?"

Recently, living in a neighborhood PACKED with kids (there are only 2 other couples who don't have kids and aren't currently pregnant, and BOTH of them are moving this summer--all the others have at least 1 and most have 3-4) has really started to get to me.

A friend posted this article on Facebook, and after reading it I have to say how much I absolutely identify with it. Living in such a conservative, Catholic town, being married for a year without being pregnant is essentially an abnormality. Even our parents are starting to ask--and I'm getting to the point where I feel like literally screaming "I'M INFERTILE! Stop asking me this, it's hurtful!" I know they don't do it to be hurtful, but still.

In the afternoons, most of the moms in my neighborhood go out with the kids and play on the street, and I feel like I can't even venture out to get the mail without all of them staring at me and wondering why I don't have children (this is an exaggeration...probably). A friend recently remarked that he thought someone should be sterilized (that's a whole different issue, of course), and even though I frequently argue against sterilization without feeling any emotion but outright anger, this time I burst into tears and sobbed for upwards of an hour. Just because the talk of anything being sterile, especially involuntarily, makes me cry these days.

In other word, I'm a mess, and living where we currently do is not making anything better.

In (slightly related) work news, I've finally gotten upped to 30 hours--but you have to be 32 to qualify for benefits. Excuse me if I'm slightly bitter.

City girl or country girl?

Before I moved here, I would never have said that I was a city girl. I grew up in a fairly rural area, enjoy the country, and like small towns.

And then I moved into the middle of the Florida everglades. And I realized I am actually a city girl. Or at the very least a suburbs-of-the-city girl. I HATE living 45 minutes to an hour from everything--and I mean everything, except for a (very pricey, very tiny) grocery store, two sandwich shops,and a very pricey, not-so-great pub. The nearest bank? an hour. The nearest Target and Wal Mart? 45 minutes. At least the drive is sunny...but nearly all of it is under construction.

Having egrets flying outside our window every morning is great (not to mention the occasionally alligator and panther, walking not flying, obviously), and I should be enjoying it. But it is driving me plumb crazy. I miss living in Cary, which was within 20 minutes of downtown Raleigh, and nearly every restaurant/store you could think of, but still had lots of trees. There were museums, and parks, and lots of performing arts.

Egrets are wonderful, and on vacation I love being in the environment we live in now. Quiet, peaceful, great scenery. But overall, I'm finding that I prefer museums and the performing arts--with the option for great parks--for everyday.

I have a little over a year left to go here, and I'm trying to enjoy it--how many people can say they've had an alligator AND a panther in their backyard??--but I'm thinking about the city.