Top Ten Books of 2011!

This was definitely the year of strong female protagonists (or in the case of the non-fiction, books written by, about, and/or for the benefit of strong women everywhere).  Note: These books were not necessarily published in 2011; that's just when I happened to read them.

1. Unnatural Selection: Choosing Boys Over Girls, and the Consequences of a World Full of Men, Mara Hvistendahl

This is such a timely, shocking, thought-provoking book. On some level, I think we all knew this was happening. I mean, who doesn't know about the one-child policy in China? But the wide-spread nature of this across Asia and the Middle East, the use of our seemingly-harmless ultrasound technology, and the devastating consequences of an unbalanced sex ratio (buying brides from other countries and higher rates of crime and war, to name just a few) needed to be discussed, and this book is a great vehicle for the start of those conversations.  This rarely appears in the media, and this book was all over NPR for weeks. 

My only critique is that Ms. Hvistendahl spends hundreds of pages documenting the devastating consequences of sex-selective abortion, and on at least one occasion calls it murder--but then spends a bewildering 50 pages concluding that a.) women should have a choice in regard to abortion (even if that choice is to abort female babies) b.) It's Reagan's  and the Republican's fault that this happened (despite openly documenting Planned Parenthood's significant part in the forcible abortion and sterilization of women, a corporation which has never been aligned with the Republicans) and c.) there's not really all that much we can do about it. Her research is impeccable and not once in the previous pages does she shy away from uncomfortable truths about Americans and our hand in this. But at the end, it's just as if she needs to reassure herself that CHOICE IS OK. I don't knock her right to have an opinion about abortion (I certainly do), but I feel as if the book would have been better if she hadn't gone to such lengths to bring in her personal opinions and political alignment.

Other than that, it was impressively well-written, well-researched, and eye-opening. I recommend it (but maybe skip the end).

2. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Stieg Larrsson

I  put off reading this book for the longest time, assuming (wrongly) that something that many celebrities adored could not possibly be any good. But it was, truly, a revelation. Lisbeth Salander is a kick-ass, very flawed, self-doubting, damaged punk computer hacker...which means she's unlike any character I've ever read before. I loved the dichotomy of confident and hesitant, determined and damaged. It made her seem real, and much more believable than your Lara Croft-style one-dimensional action heroine. The plot of this book is a fast paced political mystery thriller (did such a thing exist before this?), and has really got me interested in the history and political climate of Sweden. I swear I am going to read more by Swedish authors...I'm hoping the success of the Millennium Trilogy means there will be more Swedish books translated into English and sold on the mainstream market.  I've read a Henning Mankell book already and enjoyed it as well. I look forward to returning to this book in the future to pay a visit to Lisbeth.

3. As Always, Julia, edited by Joan Reardon

This was my first nonfiction book of letters, and I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed it. I've read epistolary novels before and liked them, but this book (letters between Julia Child and her friend/pen pal, Avis DeVoto, regarding the genesis, writing, and publication of Julia's first cookbook,  Mastering the Art of French Cooking) was moving, hilarious, insightful, and all the more wonderful for being true. I desperately want Avis as a friend, and have gone back to read through my copy of French Cooking (a Christmas present I begged for last year) with renewed insight and enthusiasm. 


I am glad that I read My Life in France, Julia's autobiography, prior to reading this so I had some foundation for the background story, and I admit that the Democratic politics of the day had me a little lost (and, at times, bored), but for the most part these ladies were fantastic writers and reading their letters is more like having a conversation with them than I had imagined possible. Julia is so full of joie de vivre and cooking gusto it's inspiring to a foodie and cookery lover like myself, and Avis is every English major's editorial dream. I found myself wishing throughout the book that I could have been present at any point just to have witnessed them in action. Julia Child continues to fascinate me and serve as my cooking idol...I fully plan to read any book on her I can get my hands on (but only it if it says very nice things).


4. The Hunger Games, Suzanne Collins

I will say this about the Hunger Games before I say anything else: It is, primarily, a Young Adult book, and the writing suffers as such. It's overly simplistic in places, the plot line is at times thin and

 obvious, and the love triangle, well, I had enough of that in Twilight to last me a lifetime.

BUT, how often do you come across dystopian, Orwellian YA novels that have a plot you can't find anywhere else? Not often, is the answer. The Hunger Games' premise is so compelling I couldn't help but be sucked in. In a post-apocalyptic society, North America has been reorganized into 13 districts and is controlled with an iron fist by the Capitol and the exceedingly creepy, bloodthirsty President Snow. Each  year, two teenagers from each district must compete in the Hunger Games, a battle to the death televised for every citizen to see as a reminder that the Capitol has the power to do, essentially, anything they want and that everyone is a pawn in their control.


Enter Katniss Everdeen, our 16-year-old heroine, who's grown up underfed, oppressed, and responsible for her family's well-fare in District 12, formerly Appalachia. Katniss is, as Lisbeth, equal parts confident and full of teenage confusion and thus believable and accessible. After Bella Swan, a YA heroine with a mind of her own and the skills to be independent is a breath of fresh air and, in my opinion, just what young girls need to be reading. She's like a futuristic Jo March (always one of my favorite literary characters) so, despite its flaws, I recommend this series to anyone looking for a good read.


5. East of the Sun, Julia Gregson

This is only the second book I've read set in India (the first was Lauren Willig's The Betrayal of the Blood Lily), but East of the Sun far eclipsed the first. Told from the perspective of Viva, an orphan in her late twenties who's had a series of poor jobs and bad relationships in London and decides to volunteer as a chaperone to India, the book presented both the wonder and beauty of India as well as the positives and negatives of British colonial control. Set in the volatile period of the 20s, when British colonial control was nearing its end, its presentation of a country in the midst of a dramatic change is well-written, compelling, full of well-rounded characters who take the length of the book to truly discover who they are and what they want, and then go out and get it.


I also like that it's told from a British perspective, but by characters who respect Indian ability to govern themselves and be people in their own right, instead of "White Man's Burden", Rudyard Kipling-style.  I couldn't put this book down, and when it ended I wished it could go on forever. 


6. The Help, Kathryn Strockett

I actually picked this book up in the library before I heard any of the hype about it; since then I've read just as many extremely  negative reviews as positive ones. I think I liked this book for several reasons; one, I grew up in the South with friends who had black nannies similar to Abileen's, so it was comfortable and familiar; two, I liked the characters, especially Abileen, Minnie, and Skeeter, and thought they were well-rounded, with good intentions as well as flaws (you can probably tell this is a very important aspect of literature for me); and three, having grown up learning about Civil Rights and how most white people either actively worked against it or stood aside and let atrocities go on, it was refreshing to read a character who actually did something.


I know many people didn't like this book for the mammy stereotypes, the simplistic, black-and-white (literally) views of civil rights, etc., but I found that it was, for the most part, realistic and reflective of the society I grew up in, even 25 years after this book took place. This is an aspect of Southern history that most of us aren't proud of and try to hide, but it did happen and I think it's important to remember the small triumphs that occurred as much as the big ones. Skeeter's expose of the lives of the black help was small (and, of course, fictional), but it was something. I think her character gives us the hope to think that we, too, could have done something if we were given the opportunity. We could have avoided the "White is  Might" frenzy, and stayed true to ourselves and what we knew about humanity.


So, was it a simplistic, stereotypical view of the South in the 1960s? Well, possibly. But it's no less poignant for that.


7. On Agate Hill, Lee Smith

This is a book about the South that is as far from The Help as it is possible to get, and just as wonderful. The main protagonist, Molly Petree, is one of my favorite heroines ever (see my post on it here); if Anne of Green Gables had lived in Civil War North Carolina and faced unimaginable hardships, she might have turned out like Molly.


Lee Smith's writing style recalls both Anne and Jane Eyre, and she writes of the setting (near Chapel Hill) so vividly I can recognize it even now. Since I already wrote a post on this, I won't go on--but read it. It's worth it.


8. The Buccaneers, Edith Wharton

Edith Wharton is one of the only American writers who writes stories about America that I actually enjoy. I was especially attracted to this book because a large part of it is set in Newport, Rhode Island--summer home to the Vanderbilts and the other fantastically wealthy New York families in the late 1800s/early 1900s. I've been moderately obsessed with the Vanderbilts ever since I went to Blenheim Palace in Woodstock, England--Consuelo Vanderbilt's first husband's family home (I'll pause while you think about that.)


I also love Edith Wharton because she always has at least 2 plots operating simultaneously, but they blend so seamlessly you hardly even realize it. In this book, the four main characters, single women who all get married and go on to live lives of varying degrees of satisfaction and happiness, each get their own storyline eventually. I think what I love most about this book is the honest writing--it gets behind the glittering Newport facade to the actual feelings and day-to-day realities of the characters. Edith Wharton's books are usually fantastically depressing (I'm looking at you, Ethan Frome and Age of Innocence) but this book had an ending that was at least satisfied, if not exactly happy. This could be because it was finished by an Edith Wharton scholar (it was unfinished at her death) but I like to think it was because she believed her characters deserved some happiness, after all this time.


9. The Edwardians, Vita Sackville-West

I've come across references to this book in more Edwardian histories than I can count, so I finally decided to just read it. And I have to say--it blew all those Edwardian histories out of the water.


I've always found the writing style of the 1920s, when this book was written, very enjoyable (P.G. Wodehouse is a particular favorite), so combining that writing style with one of my favorite subjects (Victorian/Edwardian aristocracy) and there's just no way I couldn't love this book. Vita Sackville-West was an insider to this society and it shows--the characters are so authentic they practically scream "Make me a BBC miniseries!". (She was very open about basing her characters on actual people she knew). She has the habits and mannerisms down so exactly, right down to their weird affectations and made-up speech, that this book is like reading a true life dramedy version of every book ever set in the period. And that's a good thing. You simultaneously felt for the characters and were annoyed at their extravagance, their lack of purpose, their silly day-to-day activities...in other words, all the feelings you get when thinking about the Edwardians wrapped up in one novel.


This book has the feel of an expose combined with a love letter, and that is something I've never encountered before and am not likely to again. I highly recommend this book (and then go read Juliet Nicolson's The Perfect Summer: England 1911 for the non-fiction version).


10. The Forgotten Garden, Kate Morton

This book is like a magical fairy tale whose dark, slightly evil counterpart is constantly trying to break through. Told from the perspective of three women, Victorian orphan Eliza, her abandoned-at-a-young-age-on-a-ship-to-Australia (surrogate) daughter Nellie, and Nellie's granddaughter Cassie, each strong female characters whose lives twist and turn in ways they didn't forsee themselves. It takes all three storylines to uncover the mystery at the heart of the Garden, and I absolutely didn't see it coming.  Traveling from rural England to Australia and back again, incorporating a fantastical book of fairy tales, new-fangled x-ray technology, infertility, loss, love, and a spectacular cast of characters, this book is unlike any other. Kate Morton has a knack for writing stories that aren't trite or worn out (her other books, The House at Riverton and The Distant Hours are both very unique, if not quite as good as this one), whose characters have a realistic ending unlike the plastic fairy-tale ones that are so often written at the end of "chick lit". From the minute I started reading I was transported to a different world, and when I finished, I wished I could stay.

That's all for this year! Go forth and read!

End of 2011 Reading Survey

Thanks to Little Stories for the survey/idea. Top Ten of 2011 to come!

Best book I read in 2011: Really, I can never pick just one. So here's a couple: The Forgotten Garden, by Kate Morton, East of the Sun, by Julia Gregson, Sarah's Key by Tatiana de Rosnay and As Always, Julia, edited by Joan Reardon (why have I never read books of letters before?? Julia Child was hilarious!)

Most disappointing book I read in 2011? This year, I have decided not to waste time on books I don't like, even though it drives me wild not to finish things. So far the only book I've exercised this on was The Short Life and  Long Times of Mrs. Beeton, by Kathryn Hughes. I love a good biography, so I was excited when I spotted this in the library--if you've ever read or seen anything set in Victorian England, you will have heard one of the servants/the cook say "Let's see what Mrs. Beeton has to say". (And if you know me, you will know I read/watch A LOT of things set in Victorian England).  She was essentially the Betty Crocker of her time, only not fake (sorry, everyone who thought Betty Crocker was an actual person...).

Unfortunately, Mrs. Beeton died at 28, so there is just not much to say about the actual woman herself. But this book was 350+ pages...about her family, her husband, her husband's family, random Brits, pubs, brewers, horse races....it reminded me of my time as an intern at UNC Press when I was given an enormous box of random documents relating in some way to The Encyclopedia of North Carolina and told to sort it out. I read over 100 pages and came across maybe 5 references to the actual woman. So, I exercised my "this is an unnecessary slog" prerogative and returned it to the library unfinished.

Most surprising book of 2011? Hm. I suppose for me that would be The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, because I never believe anything will live up to its hype. And the hype could not possibly convey what a revelation Lisbeth Salander is as a strong female character. In a era that gave us Bella Swan, aka, sigh-prettily-and-look-to-my-boyfriend-for-answers girl, it's a relief to still find women protagonists with a mind of their own, especially written by men. Plus, she kicks ass AND is a computer hacker who brings down bad guys. What's not to love?

Also, Northanger Abbey. I'd heard it was tedious compared to Jane Austen's other works, and I was forced to watch the dreadful Masterpiece Classic version in high school, but I finally got around to reading this and LOVED IT. It was an incredibly accurate parody, and could have been ripping off Twilight just as much as The Mysteries of Udolpho. I may like Henry Tilney even more than Edward Ferrars.

Book I recommended to people most in 2011? I don't actually recommend books that often, but something I did recommend multiple times this year was Mara Hvistendahl's Unnatural Selection: Choosing Boys over Girls, and the Consequences of a World Full of Men. An expose of the realities of sex selection, it was incredibly eye-opening (even though I thought she could have gone farther in her conclusions, instead of pandering to party lines).

Best series I discovered in 2011? Hm. Well, the Millenium Trilogy (aka Dragon Tattoo) was great. I was also pleasantly surprised by The Hunger Games, but I haven't read the second two yet. I read the first Wallander mystery by Henning Mankell and thought it was quite good, but again, having only read the first one I'll have to wait and see.

Favorite new authors I discovered in 2011? Kate Morton, Julia Gregson, Henning Mankell, Rhys Bowen.

Most thrilling, un-put-down-able book in 2011? It's a three-way tie between East of the Sun (about three single women who travel to India in 1920s England, in the dying days of the British Empire), On Agate Hill, by Lee Smith (set in rural NC during/after the Civil War)and Sarah's Key, (about the French round-up of Jews during WWII) which I read in its entirety on a plane ride and subsequently had to pretend that I wasn't crying.

Book I most anticipated in 2011? Again, I can't pick just one. I had to wait for Dragon Tattoo and Hunger Games a long time, so I suppose they were most anticipated.

Favorite cover of a book you read in 2011? I liked the cover of In The Woods, which made the book even more of a let-down. (Really? The pooka? COME ON.) I think it conveys a nicely creepy tone, with the idea that the woods are ready to reach out with their roots and grab hold of you at any time. But then in the book they demolished the woods to build a highway. So...yeah.

Most memorable character in 2011? Molly Petree from On Agate Hill.

Book that had the greatest impact on me in 2011? Unnatural Selection, Mara Hvistendahl.

Book I can’t believe I waited until 2011 to finally read? North and South, Northanger Abbey

Book I read in 2011 that I’d be most likely to re-read in 2012? The Help, Dragon Tattoo, Hunger Games

Happy Holidaze

We finally made the 15-hour trek to NC on Saturday (it actually wasn't so bad...hardly any traffic, and we made really good time), but my body decided it had had enough of the punishing I'd put it through during the weeks leading up to/during finals (working from 7am until 11 at night is probably not good for you, FYI) and decided to come down with a cold. On the drive.

I started out feeling fine, but the farther north we got, the worse I felt...a scratchy throat in mid-Florida led to a sore throat in Georgia, runny nose in South Carolina, and painfully congested sinuses by the time we made it to NC. Despite the fact that we have now been here almost 3 full days, I have barely done anything but sleep and drag myself out of bed for meals with various family members. I suppose it's good that this happened at at time when I CAN do nothing but sleep--most of the things we have planned don't start until later in the week, plus of course I'm off work--but it's always a bummer to be sick at Christmas. I'm also lucky, though, that Brian is finally finished for the semester and has been taking very good care of me, in between playing the video game he's been waiting all semester for, Skyrim. 

But I am SO READY to be better, especially because Zumba class is tomorrow and I have been dying to go since I went to my first one over the summer, plus I just hate spending the short time we have at home shut up in a bedroom. Here's hoping I can get out of my dazed medicated stupor and actually enjoy the holiday---plus that Brian doesn't catch it just in time for us to go back to Florida.

I'm an Academic Widow

It's that time of the year--time for Christmas shopping, tree decorating...and finals. December is honestly my favorite month of the year; I love shopping for gifts (more and more I could honestly care less about getting them), holiday baking, parties, advent calendars, chilly weather (ok, not here, but still), hot cider and hot chocolate..I could go on.

But since Brian's been in grad school, I DREAD this time of the year. Starting at the end of the November, when paper deadlines and finals loom, most students go into hibernation in the library. Meaning that I rarely see him, as sometimes he doesn't even make it home for meals. When we do see each other, he's generally so stressed that all we talk about is his various school assignments. He starts having heart palpitations from stress and doesn't sleep well (which means I don't sleep well, either). This leaves me to order and send Christmas cards, do all the Christmas shopping, make our plans for the holidays when we go back to NC, get the car maintenance done, and do even more of the housework than I normally do.  Plus our occasional dates fade into nonexistence.

Needless to say, this is not fun. Perhaps it is naive of me to expect his professors to take into account that he (and many other grad students here) have families and allow that they need time to spend with them. But I really think the "total commitment" philosophy is the worst part of academia, because it burns out everyone involved, students and their families alike.

Anyway...I don't have anything truly meaningful to say in this post, except that I will sure be glad when May 5 rolls around.

In the Homestretch

We're currently in the homestretch in a number of ways--most importantly, Brian's almost finished with his doctoral applications (can you hear my shouts of joy all the way from Florida?). I'm trying not to think about the subsequent months of waiting to hear once he turns them in...

We're also only 3 weeks away from heading home from Christmas, and I can't WAIT...when we moved here, I didn't think it would be so hard to be away from our family, but it definitely is. Only getting to go back once every 6 months is akin to some kind of torture. I know the only way we'll be moving back to NC is if Brian DOESN'T get into a doctoral program, something neither of us wants to happen, but I wish we could be within a reasonable driving distance and be able to go back for weekends.

Brian's also in the homestretch of his Master's...once he finishes this semester, he only has one class, an independent study, and his thesis left. I realize this is still a lot...but for me, it's just one semester. And then I'll get him back, at least for a few months! As it is, I only see him for a few minutes a day outside of passing each other in the house on our way in/out to class or work. That's been hard too...especially over the holidays, like this weekend, when he spent (and is still spending) every day in the library.

I'm also really looking forward to knowing where on earth we'll be moving this summer...currently, the choices are St.Louis, Pittsburgh, NYC, South Bend, Dayton, Washington DC, and Milwaukee. None of them especially appeal to me, but it'll still be good to know. The alternative, of course, is moving back to NC and both of us trying to find a job, a prospect I don't particularly relish even though both of us still have contacts there. At least we know that, wherever it will be, it'll be for longer this time--most doctoral programs are 4 to 5 years, and if he doesn't get in, I'm determined that it will be at least 2 years before we go through this nightmarish experience of applications again.

I'm glad to be in the homestretch...but now that we're here, I'm realizing it may be the hardest part of all. 

My Vocation to Feed People

Working at a Catholic university, we talk a lot about vocations and discernment. Discerning a life to the priesthood, to married life, discerning a vocation to a specific career, teaching or counseling, for example.

I realize that while professionally I am a counselor (and frankly, I have serious doubts as to how effective I am at this), it is probably not my true vocation. My true vocation, I'm coming to realize more and more, is to feed people. I'm sure this stems from being a.) Southern and b.) a woman, and growing up with a mom and two grandmothers who cooked and baked constantly. I'm definitely the type of person who, when someone is in distress, whips out a tray of brownies. "Here, let me feed you" is generally my first response (possibly this is why I feel like I'm not an effective counselor--there's no kitchen in my office!).

I bring baked goods to new neighbors, moms and new babies, staff parties, holiday gatherings, get-togethers of friends. Pretty much anywhere it would be socially acceptable, in other words. I'm cooking Thanksgiving dinner this year, and invited all the single grad students...only a few of them may show up, but it honestly makes me distressed to think of poor, hungry students with no turkey on Thanksgiving. I can't help it...I have to feed them.

I'm blessed to be able to bake almost instinctively (cooking comes less easily, but I still enjoy it), and routinely have people ask me "how did you make this??" to things I think are simple and that I can practically bake in my sleep. (I won't lie, I sometimes daydream in boring meetings or lectures about things I want to cook).

Brian constantly tells me I should open a bakery, and while I think it would be nice to be able to bake all day long, the business side of things scare me away. (But I would call it The Honeybee Bakery). Plus, I can't claim any kind of professional training at all--I just make homey tasting things.  And enjoy it.

Internalizing My Ancestral Puritanism

After an incredibly hectic, busy week in which my major event this semester went off well and was a moderate success (THANK GOD), I have today off. And to say I'm exhausted would be an understatement--I ache all over and could barely get my eyelids to open until after 1pm.

I got up at 9am (and felt guilty about it, as I always do if I get up after 8) and attempted to do some reading and persuade myself to exercise...but after twice confusing what day it was by frantically yelling at Brian to get ready for class (he doesn't have class today until 1:30) and then asking him what time his lecture was (answer: tomorrow), I decided I really should get some more rest.

But I felt guilty about it.

Then Brian said something I had never thought about it before. "Honey, your Puritan ancestors may be turning over in their grave, and somewhere your father is sniffing the air and saying 'Someone's being lazy--I hope it's not my daughter!', but really, it is ok to be lazy when you don't have anything to do".

I actually have no idea whether my ancestors were Puritans, but given that they a.) were British and b.) arrived in American in the early-mid 1600s, it seems likely. And he's certainly right about my upbringing--even on vacations, we (by we, I mean myself and anyone who happened to be on vacation with my dad) were expected to get up early (7-8am), eat breakfast, and spend all day doing things--seeing sights, going to museums, and otherwise exhausting ourselves. On my honeymoon, I had a huge list of things I wanted to accomplish and drug Brian out of bed by 8am and down the streets of Charleston at a brisk pace throughout the 4 days we were there.  In high school, my dad, stepmom, stepsister, and myself went to New York City, and when my stepmom and stepsister suggested a shopping trip, I was appalled. There were so many things to do--Ellis Island, the Met, Central Park! And of course, we should really walk it all. It's lazy to take a cab.

My first vacation with Brian's family, the summer before college, was quite a shock. People got up when they felt like it--sometimes as late as noon--ate something, and maybe ventured out around 2 or 3pm.  We were wasting the day! This couldn't be right!

Brian will also be the first to tell you about my Puritanical attitude towards alcohol, tobacco, and all forms of drugs (as in, we'd all really be better without them). Sometimes this causes some conflicts, seeing as how we're Catholic and drinking and smoking in moderation are something most Catholics take for granted.

It's curious that, 400 years later, I'm still behaving in a manner that is instantly recognizable as Puritan, not to mention the vast differences that exist between my reserved British family and Brian's gregarious Italian one.  When we started dating, it created some culture clashes, to say the least. It still does, for that matter, not to mention some heavy self-guilt when I want to sleep in or want a drink in the evening for no reason other than that it would be pleasant.

That's all for now...I have a ton of things to do. Probably. When I can think of them.

Hurry up and wait

These days, it always seems like I'm waiting for something to happen. Thanksgiving, Christmas, graduation, Brian hearing back from doctoral programs, moving, etc. Of course, as soon as those do happen, I immediately move on to the next thing. This week, it's a major event at work that I am terrified I won't be able to successfully pull off (and even if I do, I'm worried that it will all be for nothing and student attendance will be low).

So, I'm trying to focus more on enjoying the moment and finding pleasure in where I'm at right now. For example:
--The weather in Florida is fabulous right now--low 70s, breezy, sunny. The best (only?) good part of living in Florida is the winter weather.
--The townhouse where we live now is great and it's unlikely we'll be able to afford something similar wherever we go next.
--Our neighborhood is very safe and our neighbors are kind and friendly.
--Only working part-time means my time is flexible and I have time during the week to run all my errands, plus I can get days off and vacation when I need.

That said, there are things I'm looking forward to:
--My mom coming to visit for Thanksgiving, and the things we have planned (a visit to Sanibel Island, among others)
--Being able to go home for Christmas, hopefully for 2 weeks
--Brian finishing his doctoral applications, and hearing back
--Figuring out where we're moving next --Visiting Harry Potter Land (or whatever it's technically called), hopefully next semester

I feel like our life is in a holding pattern right now. When our friends are buying houses and having children, we're waiting to figure out where we'll move next--a place we'll be for a few years before we move again. It's hard, to say the least. Since I have a feeling I'll be blogging about this kind of thing for some time to come, I've changed the name of my blog. It seemed fitting. Now hurry up...and wait for me when you get there.

The Generation of Entitlement

I haven't, until this year, really felt like "an adult". Yes, I've been old enough to vote and drive, and living on my own, for years, but it's never really hit me before.

Now that I work at a college, however, it is rapidly becoming clear that I am no longer a youth, or young person, or whatever it is you want to call the 18-early 20s set. Maybe it's because my parents got divorced when I was 13, leaving me to grow up very quickly and care for myself, but I feel like other people my age also manage to find a job, pay their bills, and treat both co-workers and peers with respect.

Not so "Generation Y". Their absolute sense of entitlement, their "I want what I want and I want it now" attitude, and their "you're here to serve me, right?" treatment of everyone on staff never fails to astound. Maybe it's the digital age, their inundation since childhood with instantaneous information and gratification, that's created this monster. Maybe it's the helicopter parents who are afraid (understandably, let's face it) to let their children venture out of sight, who do everything and provide everything for their children.

Either way, nearly all the underclassmen I encounter are vastly unprepared to handle independent life. They don't know what to eat, when and what to study, how to act in groups of their peers and (most aggravating for me) how to treat adults with respect. I, and other colleagues at work, frequently receive e-mails addressing us as "Hey [first name]", get Facebook requests from students (I ignore them, even when I like and respect the student), have students show up late for tests, events, and appointments, and get treated with an overall "You're going to do what I want, so why bother behaving as if I appreciate it" attitude that leaves me blindsided every time. Not to mention the parents who call, visit, and generally act as if their child is, well, still a child, and not a legal adult. (If my mother had visited the counselor when I was in college and told them all my issues, I would have been mortified..but students here seem to take it as normal. And yes, it does frequently happen).

Of course, there are the exceptions....those students who send thank you notes, address you first as your proper title before you tell them they can use your first name, who always show up on time, etc. But they are outnumbered. And I have no idea what to do about it.

Where did 18 year olds get this sense of entitlement, in the worst economy the country has seen in decades? What on earth are they going to be like in 10 years, when they're in professional jobs? What is the NEXT generation going to be like, and how can we fix it? And equally important, how do we treat it?

Nothing to make you feel old like the generation behind you.

The Working Dilemma

Last night, I went to a ladie's night gathering at my neighbors, and with the exclusion of one woman who is a first year Master's student, all the women were either dating, engaged to, or married to men in the graduate program. We spent most of the night talking about looking forward to the future (One day, when my husband has a job...), managing on tiny budgets and in small houses, and having our husbands be perpetually absent due to papers and exams. I briefly mentioned something about my Master's program, and one of them women said "You have a Master's and you're stuck in a part-time job??"

Tell me about it.

But what came out of my mouth was this: "Yeah..I mean, if I had kids I'd be staying home and it wouldn't matter..."

Wait. WHAT?

I always said I didn't want to be a stay-at-home mom, even though my own mother was for the first 12 years of my life and I think it is very valuable. I couldn't see myself giving up my career and doing nothing but take care of children.

But, now that I have a number of friends who (at least primarily) are stay-at-home moms and I've seen that they're very happy (although of course there are stresses, just like any job) it's started to creep into my mind that maybe I could do that, too. I've discovered in the past year that I'm just not particularly attached to work--there's always a ton to do around the house and not enough time to do it in. Case in point: I really need to clean the grout in our kitchen...but who wants to spend a weekend afternoon cleaning grout?! Would I be sad not to have to go into an office every day? Maybe not.

Given that Brian has 5-8 years of school ahead if he follows his current life plan, I worry that this won't even be an option. Most of the doctoral programs he's applying to offer stipends, but not enough to support even a small family on, and of course not health insurance. I'll have to be working just to make ends meet and provide us with insurance (although, as I've mentioned plenty of times before, I'm not currently doing such a great job at that).

All this, of course, is not really an issue as we're not expecting children any time soon, if ever. In the true nature of a long-term worrier, though, it's already made an appearance in my mind.

To work or not to work, that is the question...for the future.

Our Impact on Others

Recently, and especially this past weekend, I've been struggling with the feeling that I'm not really making an impact. At work, in the community, in our family, in the world, etc. etc. I'm still only working part-time (therefore not doing such a great job at providing for us), I don't feel like I'm doing what I'm called to do (although if you asked me what that is, I couldn't tell you), and I'm still reeling from the extremely negative comments about me in the spring student survey.

When I received a wonderful (and timely!) e-mail last night from a student thanking me for the difference I'd made in her life this past year, it helped relieve some of these feelings and made me realize what an impact a simple compliment can make in our lives. This echoes several conversations Brian and I have had over the past year, initiated by both of us at different times, asking the other to provide more positive feedback for the work (school, job, housework, etc.) that each of us does. I've learned to say "I'm proud of you" and "You're doing a wonderful job" more, and Brian has learned to say "I appreciate you doing the laundry/cooking/cleaning/working to bring in the income" more (he even brought me flowers last week--they're sitting on the table still and I feel happy every time I look at them). The student's e-mail inspired me to send my own complimentary e-mail to our Director of Student Life, telling her what a great job she did with freshman orientation this past weekend--it was something I was already thinking but hadn't thought to put into words. Hopefully it makes her feel a bit better.

This all comes on the back of something else I've been struggling with (I know, there's more?!), which is that I'm easily dragged down into negativity, complaining, and gossip (lots of time I don't need any help, either). I've said some very negative things about specific people lately and don't doubt I've hurt them; I wasn't thinking about the potential impact of my words and was speaking out of my own feeling of low self-worth more than anything. Yesterday at Mass, the priest said in his homily, "It's good for us to be humiliated, within ourselves. It teaches us that we're flawed beings who don't even live up to our own expectations. This realization can inspire us to take stock, examine our consciences, and make an effort to do better. It makes us humble".

I couldn't agree more--this very thing is just what I needed to take the steps to escape the negativity and in-fighting that can go on so often in workplaces, especially large ones. There is no excuse for speaking ill of others, and really no way to justify it. I hope I can be more positive in the coming weeks, and maybe inspire someone else to do the same. You never realize the impact you can have upon someone.

What are YOU reading?

A friend posted this article on Facebook, which got me thinking--what do our reading choices say about us?

I have to admit Michelle Bachman's statement that “When I go on vacation and I lay on the beach, I bring Von Mises” sounds kind of ridiculous. Really? Economics books on the beach? Either she's lying, or she has no life outside of politics. Either way, it makes me think less of her, I have to admit. My own husband never reads fiction and would actually bring some heavy theological book to the beach, but her statement sounds like it's meant to impress, not to reflect reality.

And Mitt Romney--Twilight? Really? Is it just me, or is it creepy that a middle-aged man is reading books written for teenage girls?

At least Ron Paul and Newt Gingrich admit to reading a range of things, including fiction (even if it is Ayn Rand, not exactly light reading).

So what do my reading choices say about me?

My last 10 books:
--Royal Flush (Rhys Bowen)
--He Shall Thunder in the Sky (Elizabeth Peters)
--Something Borrowed (Emily Giffin)
--The Face of a Stranger (Anne Perry)
--The Courtiers: Splendor and Intrique in Kensington Palace (Lucy Worley)
--Sarah's Key (Tatiana de Rosnay)
--The Hunger Games (Suzanne Collins)
--When We Were Orphans (Kazuo Ishiguro)
--Wait for me! Memoirs (Deborah Mitford)
--The Saturday Big Tent Wedding Party (Alexander McCall Smith)

Soo...basically they say that I am easily distracted by recent bestsellers and mysteries, but do try to squeeze in some non-fiction occasionally. I have actually checked out a number of nonfiction books and more "serious" books recently..but sometimes (ok, most of the time) I want an easy, relaxing read after work.

Guess I should never go into politics, then.

Back to reality

After three weeks away from the office (one at the UN in NYC with some students I was chaperoning, and 2 on vacation at home), it's back to reality today. After a 16-hour drive Saturday (I was literally delirious by the time we got back--I kept thinking I was still driving as I was trying to fall asleep and was going to drive off the road and kill us) and a cleaning frenzy on Sunday I was back in my office today catching up on e-mails and the like.

I was definitely sad to leave NC--I had forgotten how much I truly loved Raleigh (even more so than Chapel Hill...don't tell my alma mater)and I miss being able to see my family more often. But, we're on the downswing here in Florida--Brian graduates in May and we'll be moving next summer, either to where he's accepted into a doctoral program or back to Raleigh in the hopes of a job with the Diocese. We're trying to get out and see more things in Florida (we're currently planning an expedition to the Kennedy Space Center, mostly because Brian wants to go to the Star Trek Exhibition currently on display), and I'd like to make it to the Keys, which aren't too far from us, either.

Brian's back to school in 3 weeks (I can't believe it's so soon!)and before I know it, he'll be graduating with his Master's (I CANNOT WAIT). Then...who knows?

The Sarah Alphabet

This idea is copied from Little Stories, the blog of my fellow Carolina alum and book enthusiast Abby. I thought it was a great way to think through my biggest life issue right now: Who am I, and where am I going?

Ambition: To be happily married for the rest of my life, and to be well-respected by whatever community we settle in (preferably a small, safe suburb near a bigger city). This, ultimately, is more important to me than career aspirations, but if I had to think about those, I first and foremost want to be able to say I made a difference, however that comes about (and if it involves books, art, people with disabilities, cats, or anything English, so much the better).

Bad habit: Being very rigid in my opinions and schedule. Also, being very negative.

City: London. I've spent a combined total of about 4 weeks there, and I loved it. Easy to navigate, relatively safe (at least it seemed that way to me--don't tell me otherwise) and full of excellent museums (including my favorite, the National Portrait Gallery) and parks (also including my favorite, St. James' Park, near Trafalgar Square).



Drink: Mostly water (I recently heard this helps stave off wrinkles, which is excellent news because I'm already starting to get crow's feet), but I also like milk (for breakfast) or tea.

Education: B.A. in English and Women's Studies, UNC 2008 (Magna Cum Laude), MSW in Nonprofit Management, UNC 2010. I'm currently daydreaming about the possibility of a Ph.D. in healthcare ethics or a second master's in theology and bioethics, but I don't think it will come to anything as Brian will be in school for many years to come. I am auditing a medical ethics class in the fall though--I figured I'd better take advantage of working at a university while I can.



Food: Anything "ethnic"--Indian, Thai, Persian. My favorite is aloo channa masala--curried chickpeas. SO GOOD.

Guilty pleasures: TV and chick lit. I recently found a coworker who also enjoys chick lit and we've started to trade books. I always feel like I should be reading the classics, but sometimes I just want an easy reads with a happy ending. I'm also addicted to WAY too many TV shows.

Hometown: New Bern, NC: Birthplace of Pepsi and Colonial Capital of NC.

Ice cream: This changes based on how I'm feeling, but I've always really enjoyed mint chocolate chip and chocolate chip cookie dough. My favorite ice cream stores are Maple View Farms in Chapel Hill/Hillsborough (homemade on the farm and DELICIOUS) and the Cow Cafe in New Bern (made at the Maola plant in town).

Jonesing for: Chocolate. Constantly.




Kryptonite: Any kind of baby animal (even things like raccoons and possums, which i do not like AT ALL when they are full grown).

Lookalike: Hm. Not sure--when I was younger I always wanted to look like Belle from Beauty and the Beast, and I think I do to some extent (although without the abnormally large eyes). My real lookalike would probably be my grandmother--I saw a picture of her at my age and it essentially could have been me with a 40s hairstyle.



Movie: I have several favorite movies, but my most recent favorite is The King's Speech. British history (and royalty), great classical music as a soundtrack, and 2 of my favorite British actors (Helena Bonham-Carter and Colin Firth) are a fabulous combination, plus the addition of a touching family story AND the lack of any awkward sex scenes and almost all profanity makes it a perfect movie.



Nicknames: My childhood nickname was Honeybee (due to the stuffed honeybee I treated as a baby doll, feeding it bottles). Brian calls me Sarita sometimes, but generally I don't have a nickname as an adult.

Obsession: Reading (and finding new books to read). England and English history. Museums. Chocolate and baking things using chocolate.

Perfume: Alas, because strong smells give me migraines, I can't wear perfumes (or, usually, scented lotions). If I could though, I love things that smell like vanilla--I once read a book where the main character, a chef, dabbed actual vanilla behind her ears as a perfume, which sounded like a good idea to me.

Quirk: Too many to name? I think my favorite one, though, is that my eyes change color--based on what I'm wearing but also based on how I'm feeling. Green for sad, blue for angry (so Brian tells me!), gray/green for serious, light brown for happy.

Regrets: Not joining more groups and making more friends in college. Sometimes I also regret my choice of graduate degree and think I should have gone for Library Science, since I love books so much.

Starbucks: Only when desperate for caffeine, and it is absolutely the only thing available (which only happens about once every 2 or 3 years).

Talent: Baking. If anybody ever needs to gain weight, send them straight to me--the number of fattening desserts I can bake grows by the minute (I just made my first carrot cake yesterday, and it will not be my last).

University: UNC-Chapel Hill (although I grew up being taught to cheer for University of South Carolina, since it's where my dad/grandpa went).

Vacation: Due to the fact that we only get to see our families once every 6-8 months, all our vacations are spent at home or visiting college friends. Plus, we're broke. But one day, when we have money and time for vacations, there are so many places I'd like to visit I can't even name them all (the rest of England and Austria being two of my top).

Wine: I rarely drink wine except at social situations where it's offered, but when I do I prefer the pink, fruity variety.

X: X to doubting myself.

Years: 26

Zen: I think "zen" is a silly notion...but I suppose my idea of zen would be curled up in a comfy armchair with a blanket, a book, and a good cup of tea when it's raining and/or snowing outside.

The Life of an Introvert

This 4th of July has gotten me pondering the many challenges being an introvert presents, the 4th, of course, being a holiday that most people celebrate by going to crowded cookouts.

Recently, we had a cookout for some staff members who are leaving, and my supervisor said I couldn't count the 4+ hours I spent there, plus the 2 hour commute, as work hours on my timesheet. Which of course makes sense from a logical standpoint, but for me, that WAS work! Working in the office all day and then going to my boss's house with all the people I work with, most of whom I never see in social situations, and getting home at midnight was HARD. Being in groups of people for any length of time absolutely exhausts me, even if they're all people I know well and enjoy hanging out with. I enjoy working on teams and in groups, but I need a certain amount of time each day to process things and be by myself.

There are 2 cookouts going on, one at the neighbor's and one at the waterpark in town (yes, we don't have a post office, but we have a waterpark), and as Brian enjoys grilled food he wanted to go, but as we spent all of Saturday with 2 of his uncles and his aunt, the prospect of spending an unspecified amount of time with people I don't know well or don't know at all is not one I look forward to (thankfully, it's raining, so that solves that).

The fact that we're the only couple left in the neighborhood without children makes things even more draining, as it means that at every gathering I have to endure "Are you pregnant? When are you thinking of having kids?" etc. etc. As to the first question, the obvious answer is no (and I regret to say that I've started to snap "No, I'm infertile!"), but as to the second (which is often followed by "Well, aren't you going to adopt?"), I don't have an answer. Neither Brian nor myself feel any great urging to have children at this point, and we want to wait until he finishes his Master's and we settle wherever we'll be next in any event. Plus, although the tons of children in our neighborhood are cute and, for the most part, very well-behaved, being at parties where I have to contend not only with them but also their parents wears me out twice as fast.

So what's the solution for an introvert who hates phone calls, dreads parties, and has no good answer to the children question? Well, at today at least, it's staying home and watching Star Wars with my husband while eating homemade baked goods.