Valentine's musings

This past weekend, Brian and I traveled up to Lake Placid to speak at the Campus Ministry retreat about our relationship & marriage. It got me thinking, just how very, very fortunate I am.

When Brian and I met, I was 14, and he was 15 (he doesn't remember this. He went by BJ back then, but he hates being called that so don't tell him I told you).  We had both been through our parent's divorce in nearly exactly similar circumstances, and so when we met again (about 2 years later) through our church youth group, it was an incredible relief to find someone I could talk to about everything. We hung out at church and on the track team, I dated one of his friends (awkward...) and we got to know each other. Brian is one of the most reassuring, funny, and enjoyable people to be around. He both makes me laugh and makes me relax, a great combination as I am usually wound up and tense.

At the retreat, we were asked to speak about overcoming our divorced family past and deciding to get married anyway....but if anything, I think the divorce spurred me on toward marriage. I wanted a lasting relationship, since I didn't have one in my life. I knew that we needed to address our issues when they came up, because our parents didn't. I knew we needed to never part angry, to show each other love whenever possible, to laugh together. I can't help thinking, every day, how much I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him.

As I told the group this weekend, we have our hard times like anyone else. We argue, nitpick (or as we call it in my family, nitpickard, after my mom's family of phenomenal nitpickers, the Pickards), and occasionally wound one another. But knowing I get to come home to my best friend at the end of the day, and wake up to him in the morning, is such an enormous blessing that I don't take enough time to appreciate.

Today was just another reminder of that fact; Brian got me flours. Get it? Flours? Well, anyway, he got me 4 small bags of flour, and for a baker who goes through an extraordinary amount of flour, this was the perfect gift.

So, for all of you who have been through a divorce, either of your parents or one of your own, know that you can heal, and find that person who makes you feel worthy and important. As How I Met Your Mother once said, "They're out there, coming as fast as they can".

Happy Valentine's Day.

Things I'm Proud Of

The ability to end a sentence without a preposition not included.

Sometimes, (ok, most of the time) I can be very, very hard on myself. I'm not a good enough wife, housekeeper, employee, etc. etc. I should be doing more, earning more, look more put together, be thinner, cook better...

Periodically I find it helpful to remind myself of the things I do well, despite the fact that this is much harder than naming the things I don't do so well.

Here goes:

• Cook. For a long time I took for granted that cooking came naturally to everyone. My parents both cook, but when they got divorced they both stopped for a few years, and if I wanted anything other than take-out it was up to me to make it. Baking has always come naturally, and the more I cook, the more I enjoy it. So, I'm proud that I can cook well. 
• Read. Reading is also something I've taken for granted--growing up I was always allowed to go to the library as much as I wanted. Both of my best friends, one from high school and one from college, are readers and we've always traded books. Now that my dad's semi-retired he reads a lot, and we trade too. But working with students with disabilities, I've met a lot of people who struggle to read, or just plain hate it. I'm proud that my reading comprehension is high and my reading speed fairly fast.
• Empathize. Prior to my parent's divorce when I was 13, I was very self-absorbed and spoiled. That had to change pretty fast, so between that, coping with an eating disorder over the next couple of years, and working with adults with disabilities beginning in my freshman year of college, I find that I'm pretty good at empathizing, even with situations I haven't experienced. I got in a discussion about abortion with a pro-choice classmate and, just as she was gearing up to get irritated and angry, I explained that, even though I disagree with abortion, I can absolutely understand how a woman, afraid and more than likely alone, might find herself in a situation where abortion looks like the best option. My classmate stopped, blinked, and said "oh..you're the first person I've met who said that". We then had a frank, reasonable, non-angry discussion. This also comes in very handy being a social worker.
• Write. I'm no Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist, but I find that I can write reasonably well, a talent that's come in handy doing papers, research documents, grants, graduate applications, and more. 
• Stick to goals I set. In middle school, I determined to make my sloppy, nearly illegible handwriting that featured huge circles over the i's better. And I did.  Just this past New Year's, I set a goal to go back to exercising 4 times a week--so far, 5 weeks later, I haven't broken it. It's comforting to know that if I set a reasonable goal, I'm capable of achieving it.
• Being left-handed. This is obviously nothing I had control over, but I'm proud of it nonetheless. It's nice to be a little different, and to feel like I've overcome my teacher's insistence that they didn't know how to teach me--to hold a pen, to write, to sew--because of my handedness. I still get "You're left-handed?!?" frequently enough to remind me that it's still not the norm. 

That's enough for now...I can't really think of any more, plus I don't want to sound terribly conceited. What are you proud of?