Actions speak louder than words

Recently, I saw this article posted on a college acquaintance's facebook page, and it got me thinking.

I agree with this author's main argument: Men need to speak up about abortion. (Funnily enough though, most of the pro-life men I know do speak up a good bit. Brian's best friend was the president of Students for Life in college, and Brian himself was a member. Perhaps it's the fact that "pro-choice" men realize, deep down, that they're on the wrong side of the argument? hmm...)

This author describes the pain and suffering unplanned pregnancy (and subsequent abortion) caused in the lives of two women close to him--his mother, and his college girlfriend. How hard the decision was, how they struggle to talk about it even now, how much it affected them, not only at the time but throughout their lives. How the reasons these women had abortions were not because they didn't want a baby, but because they didn't feel that they had the adequate support to care for them. In his mother's case, the baby was diagnosed in utero with a disability, and in his girlfriend's, he himself was too much of a drunk stoner (his words, not mine) to care for a child.

I fully expected to be outraged by this article--but I found myself agreeing. The author (Aaron Traister) acknowledges that abortion is not an easy, casual decision, and that it has long-lasting effects. So why is Mr. Traister pro-choice, exactly?

He says:

"These "women's issues" have shaped my life: my birth, my adulthood and the children for which I am forever grateful. So yes, I support women's health programs and a woman's right to choose.

Even though I know that none of these choices are made easily or without hurt."

Huh. So was abortion really a good choice for these women? Let's say his girlfriend had the baby, even knowing she wouldn't be able to care for it on her own. She decides to give the baby to adoptive parents, and experiences all the regular pains of pregnancy and birth but not the continual anguish she has thus faced over the years for killing her child. And let's say that his mother continued the pregnancy and had a child with a disability--and it turns out she loves that child just as much as its typical siblings (don't get me started on how often in utero diagnoses are wrong, and how bleak a picture doctors paint for parents of what the child's life will be like).

It seems to me that Mr. Traister supports the women in his life (a good thing, of course), and wants them to do what is best for them. He's speaking up! But what if, instead, he had been there for his girlfriend when she was pregnant? The old adage "actions speak louder than words" seems to apply here.

So, to all those out there who want to continue Planned Parenthood's funding...who respect a woman's right to "choose"...what if, instead of making signs and parading around you started to figure out what could really help women who are pregnant--counseling, baby supplies, how to begin the adoption process? (The same goes for pro-life paraders, by the way. Parading is all well and good, and I support the pro-life march as much as anyone, but words don't help pregnant moms, no matter what the words are).

If you're interested in this topic, I highly recommend Frederica Mathewes-Green's book, "Real Choices: Listening to women, finding alternatives to abortion".

As for me, I believe I have a soapbox to step down from...