After an incredibly hectic, busy week in which my major event this semester went off well and was a moderate success (THANK GOD), I have today off. And to say I'm exhausted would be an understatement--I ache all over and could barely get my eyelids to open until after 1pm.
I got up at 9am (and felt guilty about it, as I always do if I get up after 8) and attempted to do some reading and persuade myself to exercise...but after twice confusing what day it was by frantically yelling at Brian to get ready for class (he doesn't have class today until 1:30) and then asking him what time his lecture was (answer: tomorrow), I decided I really should get some more rest.
But I felt guilty about it.
Then Brian said something I had never thought about it before. "Honey, your Puritan ancestors may be turning over in their grave, and somewhere your father is sniffing the air and saying 'Someone's being lazy--I hope it's not my daughter!', but really, it is ok to be lazy when you don't have anything to do".
I actually have no idea whether my ancestors were Puritans, but given that they a.) were British and b.) arrived in American in the early-mid 1600s, it seems likely. And he's certainly right about my upbringing--even on vacations, we (by we, I mean myself and anyone who happened to be on vacation with my dad) were expected to get up early (7-8am), eat breakfast, and spend all day doing things--seeing sights, going to museums, and otherwise exhausting ourselves. On my honeymoon, I had a huge list of things I wanted to accomplish and drug Brian out of bed by 8am and down the streets of Charleston at a brisk pace throughout the 4 days we were there. In high school, my dad, stepmom, stepsister, and myself went to New York City, and when my stepmom and stepsister suggested a shopping trip, I was appalled. There were so many things to do--Ellis Island, the Met, Central Park! And of course, we should really walk it all. It's lazy to take a cab.
My first vacation with Brian's family, the summer before college, was quite a shock. People got up when they felt like it--sometimes as late as noon--ate something, and maybe ventured out around 2 or 3pm. We were wasting the day! This couldn't be right!
Brian will also be the first to tell you about my Puritanical attitude towards alcohol, tobacco, and all forms of drugs (as in, we'd all really be better without them). Sometimes this causes some conflicts, seeing as how we're Catholic and drinking and smoking in moderation are something most Catholics take for granted.
It's curious that, 400 years later, I'm still behaving in a manner that is instantly recognizable as Puritan, not to mention the vast differences that exist between my reserved British family and Brian's gregarious Italian one. When we started dating, it created some culture clashes, to say the least. It still does, for that matter, not to mention some heavy self-guilt when I want to sleep in or want a drink in the evening for no reason other than that it would be pleasant.
That's all for now...I have a ton of things to do. Probably. When I can think of them.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Hurry up and wait
These days, it always seems like I'm waiting for something to happen. Thanksgiving, Christmas, graduation, Brian hearing back from doctoral programs, moving, etc. Of course, as soon as those do happen, I immediately move on to the next thing.
This week, it's a major event at work that I am terrified I won't be able to successfully pull off (and even if I do, I'm worried that it will all be for nothing and student attendance will be low).
So, I'm trying to focus more on enjoying the moment and finding pleasure in where I'm at right now. For example:
--The weather in Florida is fabulous right now--low 70s, breezy, sunny. The best (only?) good part of living in Florida is the winter weather.
--The townhouse where we live now is great and it's unlikely we'll be able to afford something similar wherever we go next.
--Our neighborhood is very safe and our neighbors are kind and friendly.
--Only working part-time means my time is flexible and I have time during the week to run all my errands, plus I can get days off and vacation when I need.
That said, there are things I'm looking forward to:
--My mom coming to visit for Thanksgiving, and the things we have planned (a visit to Sanibel Island, among others)
--Being able to go home for Christmas, hopefully for 2 weeks
--Brian finishing his doctoral applications, and hearing back
--Figuring out where we're moving next --Visiting Harry Potter Land (or whatever it's technically called), hopefully next semester
I feel like our life is in a holding pattern right now. When our friends are buying houses and having children, we're waiting to figure out where we'll move next--a place we'll be for a few years before we move again. It's hard, to say the least. Since I have a feeling I'll be blogging about this kind of thing for some time to come, I've changed the name of my blog. It seemed fitting. Now hurry up...and wait for me when you get there.
So, I'm trying to focus more on enjoying the moment and finding pleasure in where I'm at right now. For example:
--The weather in Florida is fabulous right now--low 70s, breezy, sunny. The best (only?) good part of living in Florida is the winter weather.
--The townhouse where we live now is great and it's unlikely we'll be able to afford something similar wherever we go next.
--Our neighborhood is very safe and our neighbors are kind and friendly.
--Only working part-time means my time is flexible and I have time during the week to run all my errands, plus I can get days off and vacation when I need.
That said, there are things I'm looking forward to:
--My mom coming to visit for Thanksgiving, and the things we have planned (a visit to Sanibel Island, among others)
--Being able to go home for Christmas, hopefully for 2 weeks
--Brian finishing his doctoral applications, and hearing back
--Figuring out where we're moving next --Visiting Harry Potter Land (or whatever it's technically called), hopefully next semester
I feel like our life is in a holding pattern right now. When our friends are buying houses and having children, we're waiting to figure out where we'll move next--a place we'll be for a few years before we move again. It's hard, to say the least. Since I have a feeling I'll be blogging about this kind of thing for some time to come, I've changed the name of my blog. It seemed fitting. Now hurry up...and wait for me when you get there.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
The Generation of Entitlement
I haven't, until this year, really felt like "an adult". Yes, I've been old enough to vote and drive, and living on my own, for years, but it's never really hit me before.
Now that I work at a college, however, it is rapidly becoming clear that I am no longer a youth, or young person, or whatever it is you want to call the 18-early 20s set. Maybe it's because my parents got divorced when I was 13, leaving me to grow up very quickly and care for myself, but I feel like other people my age also manage to find a job, pay their bills, and treat both co-workers and peers with respect.
Not so "Generation Y". Their absolute sense of entitlement, their "I want what I want and I want it now" attitude, and their "you're here to serve me, right?" treatment of everyone on staff never fails to astound. Maybe it's the digital age, their inundation since childhood with instantaneous information and gratification, that's created this monster. Maybe it's the helicopter parents who are afraid (understandably, let's face it) to let their children venture out of sight, who do everything and provide everything for their children.
Either way, nearly all the underclassmen I encounter are vastly unprepared to handle independent life. They don't know what to eat, when and what to study, how to act in groups of their peers and (most aggravating for me) how to treat adults with respect. I, and other colleagues at work, frequently receive e-mails addressing us as "Hey [first name]", get Facebook requests from students (I ignore them, even when I like and respect the student), have students show up late for tests, events, and appointments, and get treated with an overall "You're going to do what I want, so why bother behaving as if I appreciate it" attitude that leaves me blindsided every time. Not to mention the parents who call, visit, and generally act as if their child is, well, still a child, and not a legal adult. (If my mother had visited the counselor when I was in college and told them all my issues, I would have been mortified..but students here seem to take it as normal. And yes, it does frequently happen).
Of course, there are the exceptions....those students who send thank you notes, address you first as your proper title before you tell them they can use your first name, who always show up on time, etc. But they are outnumbered. And I have no idea what to do about it.
Where did 18 year olds get this sense of entitlement, in the worst economy the country has seen in decades? What on earth are they going to be like in 10 years, when they're in professional jobs? What is the NEXT generation going to be like, and how can we fix it? And equally important, how do we treat it?
Nothing to make you feel old like the generation behind you.
Now that I work at a college, however, it is rapidly becoming clear that I am no longer a youth, or young person, or whatever it is you want to call the 18-early 20s set. Maybe it's because my parents got divorced when I was 13, leaving me to grow up very quickly and care for myself, but I feel like other people my age also manage to find a job, pay their bills, and treat both co-workers and peers with respect.
Not so "Generation Y". Their absolute sense of entitlement, their "I want what I want and I want it now" attitude, and their "you're here to serve me, right?" treatment of everyone on staff never fails to astound. Maybe it's the digital age, their inundation since childhood with instantaneous information and gratification, that's created this monster. Maybe it's the helicopter parents who are afraid (understandably, let's face it) to let their children venture out of sight, who do everything and provide everything for their children.
Either way, nearly all the underclassmen I encounter are vastly unprepared to handle independent life. They don't know what to eat, when and what to study, how to act in groups of their peers and (most aggravating for me) how to treat adults with respect. I, and other colleagues at work, frequently receive e-mails addressing us as "Hey [first name]", get Facebook requests from students (I ignore them, even when I like and respect the student), have students show up late for tests, events, and appointments, and get treated with an overall "You're going to do what I want, so why bother behaving as if I appreciate it" attitude that leaves me blindsided every time. Not to mention the parents who call, visit, and generally act as if their child is, well, still a child, and not a legal adult. (If my mother had visited the counselor when I was in college and told them all my issues, I would have been mortified..but students here seem to take it as normal. And yes, it does frequently happen).
Of course, there are the exceptions....those students who send thank you notes, address you first as your proper title before you tell them they can use your first name, who always show up on time, etc. But they are outnumbered. And I have no idea what to do about it.
Where did 18 year olds get this sense of entitlement, in the worst economy the country has seen in decades? What on earth are they going to be like in 10 years, when they're in professional jobs? What is the NEXT generation going to be like, and how can we fix it? And equally important, how do we treat it?
Nothing to make you feel old like the generation behind you.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
The Working Dilemma
Last night, I went to a ladie's night gathering at my neighbors, and with the exclusion of one woman who is a first year Master's student, all the women were either dating, engaged to, or married to men in the graduate program. We spent most of the night talking about looking forward to the future (One day, when my husband has a job...), managing on tiny budgets and in small houses, and having our husbands be perpetually absent due to papers and exams. I briefly mentioned something about my Master's program, and one of them women said "You have a Master's and you're stuck in a part-time job??"
Tell me about it.
But what came out of my mouth was this: "Yeah..I mean, if I had kids I'd be staying home and it wouldn't matter..."
Wait. WHAT?
I always said I didn't want to be a stay-at-home mom, even though my own mother was for the first 12 years of my life and I think it is very valuable. I couldn't see myself giving up my career and doing nothing but take care of children.
But, now that I have a number of friends who (at least primarily) are stay-at-home moms and I've seen that they're very happy (although of course there are stresses, just like any job) it's started to creep into my mind that maybe I could do that, too. I've discovered in the past year that I'm just not particularly attached to work--there's always a ton to do around the house and not enough time to do it in. Case in point: I really need to clean the grout in our kitchen...but who wants to spend a weekend afternoon cleaning grout?! Would I be sad not to have to go into an office every day? Maybe not.
Given that Brian has 5-8 years of school ahead if he follows his current life plan, I worry that this won't even be an option. Most of the doctoral programs he's applying to offer stipends, but not enough to support even a small family on, and of course not health insurance. I'll have to be working just to make ends meet and provide us with insurance (although, as I've mentioned plenty of times before, I'm not currently doing such a great job at that).
All this, of course, is not really an issue as we're not expecting children any time soon, if ever. In the true nature of a long-term worrier, though, it's already made an appearance in my mind.
To work or not to work, that is the question...for the future.
Tell me about it.
But what came out of my mouth was this: "Yeah..I mean, if I had kids I'd be staying home and it wouldn't matter..."
Wait. WHAT?
I always said I didn't want to be a stay-at-home mom, even though my own mother was for the first 12 years of my life and I think it is very valuable. I couldn't see myself giving up my career and doing nothing but take care of children.
But, now that I have a number of friends who (at least primarily) are stay-at-home moms and I've seen that they're very happy (although of course there are stresses, just like any job) it's started to creep into my mind that maybe I could do that, too. I've discovered in the past year that I'm just not particularly attached to work--there's always a ton to do around the house and not enough time to do it in. Case in point: I really need to clean the grout in our kitchen...but who wants to spend a weekend afternoon cleaning grout?! Would I be sad not to have to go into an office every day? Maybe not.
Given that Brian has 5-8 years of school ahead if he follows his current life plan, I worry that this won't even be an option. Most of the doctoral programs he's applying to offer stipends, but not enough to support even a small family on, and of course not health insurance. I'll have to be working just to make ends meet and provide us with insurance (although, as I've mentioned plenty of times before, I'm not currently doing such a great job at that).
All this, of course, is not really an issue as we're not expecting children any time soon, if ever. In the true nature of a long-term worrier, though, it's already made an appearance in my mind.
To work or not to work, that is the question...for the future.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Our Impact on Others
Recently, and especially this past weekend, I've been struggling with the feeling that I'm not really making an impact. At work, in the community, in our family, in the world, etc. etc. I'm still only working part-time (therefore not doing such a great job at providing for us), I don't feel like I'm doing what I'm called to do (although if you asked me what that is, I couldn't tell you), and I'm still reeling from the extremely negative comments about me in the spring student survey.
When I received a wonderful (and timely!) e-mail last night from a student thanking me for the difference I'd made in her life this past year, it helped relieve some of these feelings and made me realize what an impact a simple compliment can make in our lives. This echoes several conversations Brian and I have had over the past year, initiated by both of us at different times, asking the other to provide more positive feedback for the work (school, job, housework, etc.) that each of us does. I've learned to say "I'm proud of you" and "You're doing a wonderful job" more, and Brian has learned to say "I appreciate you doing the laundry/cooking/cleaning/working to bring in the income" more (he even brought me flowers last week--they're sitting on the table still and I feel happy every time I look at them). The student's e-mail inspired me to send my own complimentary e-mail to our Director of Student Life, telling her what a great job she did with freshman orientation this past weekend--it was something I was already thinking but hadn't thought to put into words. Hopefully it makes her feel a bit better.
This all comes on the back of something else I've been struggling with (I know, there's more?!), which is that I'm easily dragged down into negativity, complaining, and gossip (lots of time I don't need any help, either). I've said some very negative things about specific people lately and don't doubt I've hurt them; I wasn't thinking about the potential impact of my words and was speaking out of my own feeling of low self-worth more than anything. Yesterday at Mass, the priest said in his homily, "It's good for us to be humiliated, within ourselves. It teaches us that we're flawed beings who don't even live up to our own expectations. This realization can inspire us to take stock, examine our consciences, and make an effort to do better. It makes us humble".
I couldn't agree more--this very thing is just what I needed to take the steps to escape the negativity and in-fighting that can go on so often in workplaces, especially large ones. There is no excuse for speaking ill of others, and really no way to justify it. I hope I can be more positive in the coming weeks, and maybe inspire someone else to do the same. You never realize the impact you can have upon someone.
When I received a wonderful (and timely!) e-mail last night from a student thanking me for the difference I'd made in her life this past year, it helped relieve some of these feelings and made me realize what an impact a simple compliment can make in our lives. This echoes several conversations Brian and I have had over the past year, initiated by both of us at different times, asking the other to provide more positive feedback for the work (school, job, housework, etc.) that each of us does. I've learned to say "I'm proud of you" and "You're doing a wonderful job" more, and Brian has learned to say "I appreciate you doing the laundry/cooking/cleaning/working to bring in the income" more (he even brought me flowers last week--they're sitting on the table still and I feel happy every time I look at them). The student's e-mail inspired me to send my own complimentary e-mail to our Director of Student Life, telling her what a great job she did with freshman orientation this past weekend--it was something I was already thinking but hadn't thought to put into words. Hopefully it makes her feel a bit better.
This all comes on the back of something else I've been struggling with (I know, there's more?!), which is that I'm easily dragged down into negativity, complaining, and gossip (lots of time I don't need any help, either). I've said some very negative things about specific people lately and don't doubt I've hurt them; I wasn't thinking about the potential impact of my words and was speaking out of my own feeling of low self-worth more than anything. Yesterday at Mass, the priest said in his homily, "It's good for us to be humiliated, within ourselves. It teaches us that we're flawed beings who don't even live up to our own expectations. This realization can inspire us to take stock, examine our consciences, and make an effort to do better. It makes us humble".
I couldn't agree more--this very thing is just what I needed to take the steps to escape the negativity and in-fighting that can go on so often in workplaces, especially large ones. There is no excuse for speaking ill of others, and really no way to justify it. I hope I can be more positive in the coming weeks, and maybe inspire someone else to do the same. You never realize the impact you can have upon someone.
Monday, August 22, 2011
What are YOU reading?
A friend posted this article on Facebook, which got me thinking--what do our reading choices say about us?
I have to admit Michelle Bachman's statement that “When I go on vacation and I lay on the beach, I bring Von Mises” sounds kind of ridiculous. Really? Economics books on the beach? Either she's lying, or she has no life outside of politics. Either way, it makes me think less of her, I have to admit. My own husband never reads fiction and would actually bring some heavy theological book to the beach, but her statement sounds like it's meant to impress, not to reflect reality.
And Mitt Romney--Twilight? Really? Is it just me, or is it creepy that a middle-aged man is reading books written for teenage girls?
At least Ron Paul and Newt Gingrich admit to reading a range of things, including fiction (even if it is Ayn Rand, not exactly light reading).
So what do my reading choices say about me?
My last 10 books:
--Royal Flush (Rhys Bowen)
--He Shall Thunder in the Sky (Elizabeth Peters)
--Something Borrowed (Emily Giffin)
--The Face of a Stranger (Anne Perry)
--The Courtiers: Splendor and Intrique in Kensington Palace (Lucy Worley)
--Sarah's Key (Tatiana de Rosnay)
--The Hunger Games (Suzanne Collins)
--When We Were Orphans (Kazuo Ishiguro)
--Wait for me! Memoirs (Deborah Mitford)
--The Saturday Big Tent Wedding Party (Alexander McCall Smith)
Soo...basically they say that I am easily distracted by recent bestsellers and mysteries, but do try to squeeze in some non-fiction occasionally. I have actually checked out a number of nonfiction books and more "serious" books recently..but sometimes (ok, most of the time) I want an easy, relaxing read after work.
Guess I should never go into politics, then.
I have to admit Michelle Bachman's statement that “When I go on vacation and I lay on the beach, I bring Von Mises” sounds kind of ridiculous. Really? Economics books on the beach? Either she's lying, or she has no life outside of politics. Either way, it makes me think less of her, I have to admit. My own husband never reads fiction and would actually bring some heavy theological book to the beach, but her statement sounds like it's meant to impress, not to reflect reality.
And Mitt Romney--Twilight? Really? Is it just me, or is it creepy that a middle-aged man is reading books written for teenage girls?
At least Ron Paul and Newt Gingrich admit to reading a range of things, including fiction (even if it is Ayn Rand, not exactly light reading).
So what do my reading choices say about me?
My last 10 books:
--Royal Flush (Rhys Bowen)
--He Shall Thunder in the Sky (Elizabeth Peters)
--Something Borrowed (Emily Giffin)
--The Face of a Stranger (Anne Perry)
--The Courtiers: Splendor and Intrique in Kensington Palace (Lucy Worley)
--Sarah's Key (Tatiana de Rosnay)
--The Hunger Games (Suzanne Collins)
--When We Were Orphans (Kazuo Ishiguro)
--Wait for me! Memoirs (Deborah Mitford)
--The Saturday Big Tent Wedding Party (Alexander McCall Smith)
Soo...basically they say that I am easily distracted by recent bestsellers and mysteries, but do try to squeeze in some non-fiction occasionally. I have actually checked out a number of nonfiction books and more "serious" books recently..but sometimes (ok, most of the time) I want an easy, relaxing read after work.
Guess I should never go into politics, then.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Back to reality
After three weeks away from the office (one at the UN in NYC with some students I was chaperoning, and 2 on vacation at home), it's back to reality today. After a 16-hour drive Saturday (I was literally delirious by the time we got back--I kept thinking I was still driving as I was trying to fall asleep and was going to drive off the road and kill us) and a cleaning frenzy on Sunday I was back in my office today catching up on e-mails and the like.
I was definitely sad to leave NC--I had forgotten how much I truly loved Raleigh (even more so than Chapel Hill...don't tell my alma mater)and I miss being able to see my family more often. But, we're on the downswing here in Florida--Brian graduates in May and we'll be moving next summer, either to where he's accepted into a doctoral program or back to Raleigh in the hopes of a job with the Diocese. We're trying to get out and see more things in Florida (we're currently planning an expedition to the Kennedy Space Center, mostly because Brian wants to go to the Star Trek Exhibition currently on display), and I'd like to make it to the Keys, which aren't too far from us, either.
Brian's back to school in 3 weeks (I can't believe it's so soon!)and before I know it, he'll be graduating with his Master's (I CANNOT WAIT). Then...who knows?
I was definitely sad to leave NC--I had forgotten how much I truly loved Raleigh (even more so than Chapel Hill...don't tell my alma mater)and I miss being able to see my family more often. But, we're on the downswing here in Florida--Brian graduates in May and we'll be moving next summer, either to where he's accepted into a doctoral program or back to Raleigh in the hopes of a job with the Diocese. We're trying to get out and see more things in Florida (we're currently planning an expedition to the Kennedy Space Center, mostly because Brian wants to go to the Star Trek Exhibition currently on display), and I'd like to make it to the Keys, which aren't too far from us, either.
Brian's back to school in 3 weeks (I can't believe it's so soon!)and before I know it, he'll be graduating with his Master's (I CANNOT WAIT). Then...who knows?
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