The more I think about it, the more I realize that 2009 was a decidedly mixed year. From Brian's dad's heart attack (a year from today!), to being made supervisor at summer camp, to moving to Cary (Brian and I are living in the same town for the first time in 6 years!) to struggling to maintain my (conservative) identity at school, to wedding planning, it's been up and down constantly.
Recently I've also come to realize that caring for my parent's medical ailments doesn't start when I'm 40--it starts now. From buying my dad diabetic cookbooks for Christmas (yes, I really did) to nagging him to not buy/eat sugary stuff, to taking my mom to colonoscopy appointments and consulting with the doctor afterwards--we're all growing older. That never really hit me until this year. The bursitis in my hip started flaring up, as did my dad's--and the spectre of hip replacements dances on the horizon like a nasty, unwanted sugarplum.
With only 5 months and 3 days left until the wedding, and about 4 months left until I graduate, lose my insurance, and become seriously unemployed (at least now I can put "student" as my occupation), it's going to be a year for big changes. I'm excited about graduating--I've never wanted to go back to school less and I am SERIOUSLY tired of being "the intern"--but terrified of finding my first real job, moving somewhere as yet unknown (but hopefully not for too much longer!) and setting up a married life when I'm so used to this one.
If you pray, add me in. I'll need it.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Sunday, November 29, 2009
2 1/2 weeks til freedom
....from this semester at least.
I have to say, I will be GLAD it is over, really more glad than I can ever remember being. Between my community theory class where I regularly spar with the teacher over her beliefs and choice of guest speakers, my intense nonprofit law class, and my excellent-opportunity-but-overwhelming-workload internship (not to mention my inability to find a job and time to do it in), I need a break. As I had mentioned in an earlier post, I was hoping to make it to Thanksgiving without losing it. Well, I was close...SO close...but it didn't happen. I managed to burst into tears in the middle of a large (and important) meeting at my internship, when they told me I had to go back to the office by myself for most of the day, while everyone else went out to lunch and then home early.
The next 2 weeks will be just as crazy as the last few...2 conferences, 2 finals, a final presentation and paper, an RFA to write, a family reunion, not to mention wedding dress shopping and going to see the Nutcracker..
Needless to say, I'll be glad for a break. But it keeps hitting me, at random moments, that this is the last year I'll really be doing these things, coming back to school after a holiday, buying textbooks, even living in NC...it's a little over 6 months before Brian and I get married, but things are already going fast. We'll likely be moving to Florida, DC, or Chicago (depending on where he gets into grad school), so next year, if we even make it back for Thanksgiving, will more than likely involve a plane flight and (hopefully!!!) going back to some sort of job on Monday. It's strange to think that, as many years as I've been trucking back and forth from New Bern and the Triangle (this makes 6), it will soon all be over. I'm not sure yet whether I'm happy, or utterly, utterly miserable about that yet. Stay tuned.
I have to say, I will be GLAD it is over, really more glad than I can ever remember being. Between my community theory class where I regularly spar with the teacher over her beliefs and choice of guest speakers, my intense nonprofit law class, and my excellent-opportunity-but-overwhelming-workload internship (not to mention my inability to find a job and time to do it in), I need a break. As I had mentioned in an earlier post, I was hoping to make it to Thanksgiving without losing it. Well, I was close...SO close...but it didn't happen. I managed to burst into tears in the middle of a large (and important) meeting at my internship, when they told me I had to go back to the office by myself for most of the day, while everyone else went out to lunch and then home early.
The next 2 weeks will be just as crazy as the last few...2 conferences, 2 finals, a final presentation and paper, an RFA to write, a family reunion, not to mention wedding dress shopping and going to see the Nutcracker..
Needless to say, I'll be glad for a break. But it keeps hitting me, at random moments, that this is the last year I'll really be doing these things, coming back to school after a holiday, buying textbooks, even living in NC...it's a little over 6 months before Brian and I get married, but things are already going fast. We'll likely be moving to Florida, DC, or Chicago (depending on where he gets into grad school), so next year, if we even make it back for Thanksgiving, will more than likely involve a plane flight and (hopefully!!!) going back to some sort of job on Monday. It's strange to think that, as many years as I've been trucking back and forth from New Bern and the Triangle (this makes 6), it will soon all be over. I'm not sure yet whether I'm happy, or utterly, utterly miserable about that yet. Stay tuned.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Marathon
I realized I haven't posted in a while...but my excuse is that I have been running a marathon.
If you know me at all, you'll know that this is not an actual marathon (I never run, both because I have bad knees and because I find running boring), but a work-related one.
All my assignments have ended up in the end of the semester, including what will probably be a 30+ page paper (it's currently 20 and I'm still working), a terrifying law exam, and lots of marketing & fundraising reading and papers. Not to mention all the work I have for my internship--a 3-day long Council meeting, 2 conferences, one workshop, my mid-year evaluation, and writing an RFA, which is really a big deal and is thus terrifying.
Not to mention wedding stuff...we finally got our engagement pictures made (but haven't seen them yet), and I have a host of things to do before the New Year, including finalizing the guest list, sending out save-the-dates, reserving a block of hotel rooms for people coming in out of town, finding a (preferably antique) car to take us from the church to the reception, and, of course, buying a wedding dress.
Whew.
I'm positive I'm going to fall flat on my face, but hopefully I'll manage to accomplish all this before that happens. It's looking unlikely at this point...just in the past 2 days, I fell asleep while reading and also while sitting up.
I am currently accepting assistance in the form of tasty food.
If you know me at all, you'll know that this is not an actual marathon (I never run, both because I have bad knees and because I find running boring), but a work-related one.
All my assignments have ended up in the end of the semester, including what will probably be a 30+ page paper (it's currently 20 and I'm still working), a terrifying law exam, and lots of marketing & fundraising reading and papers. Not to mention all the work I have for my internship--a 3-day long Council meeting, 2 conferences, one workshop, my mid-year evaluation, and writing an RFA, which is really a big deal and is thus terrifying.
Not to mention wedding stuff...we finally got our engagement pictures made (but haven't seen them yet), and I have a host of things to do before the New Year, including finalizing the guest list, sending out save-the-dates, reserving a block of hotel rooms for people coming in out of town, finding a (preferably antique) car to take us from the church to the reception, and, of course, buying a wedding dress.
Whew.
I'm positive I'm going to fall flat on my face, but hopefully I'll manage to accomplish all this before that happens. It's looking unlikely at this point...just in the past 2 days, I fell asleep while reading and also while sitting up.
I am currently accepting assistance in the form of tasty food.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Peeves
Today, Brian is out of town so I am treating myself to several things I've been wanting to do: Go to the library (I haven't been in nearly 2 months and I am seriously running out of things to read), eat at a cheap Thai place I like (soup and an entree for $6!), and watch one (maybe 2) of my favorite girly movies.
But first, I just have to rant about 2 things.
1.) People assuming I am 15. I am not. I have crow's feet around my eyes, people. These are not the crow's feet of a 15 year old.
Also, it is not appropriate to approach me, someone you've never met, and ask me, a.) if i'm a student (why does this matter? People can be students at any age), b.) when I stress that I am a GRADUATE student, feel the need to comment on how young I look (example from this past weekend..."you look like a young'un!") b/c NO, you're not the first person to ever tell me that, and no, I don't appreciate it. People don't walk up to you and say you look old. But you do. and c.) expect me to smile and thank you. I'm not going to thank you. I may appreciate it when I'm 40, but not if it means you can't respect me professionally and as a person. Also, you're weird for feeling the burning need to ask if I am fifteen. What's it to you?
Also, lately I've had people asking if my nose is real. WHAT? Of course it is. But apparently it's what people are asking for when they get a nose job now. That is just strange. Yes , my nose is real (my dad and grandma have the exact same nose, so I can prove it), but if it wasn't, don't you think that would make me feel pretty self-conscious about my fake nose?
2.) Comprehensive sex-ed in schools.
Everybody at school takes it for granted that we all want this. But I don't. Not only do I think it's creepy/inappropriate to discuss sex with children, I think it's the wrong answer to teen pregnancy. Should there be less teen pregnancy? Well, probably...but abortion/using contraception is not the answer.
Instead of asking how we can help children have sex, we should be asking WHY ON EARTH 13-year-olds want to have sex in the first place. I'm not completely naive (I did go to a pretty poor public middle school, after all...I started having pregnant girls in my class in 6th grade), I know they have sex. But is it because they really want to, or because our society has created an environment where everything is sexualized, including children? Are they having sex because they feel like they have to to be normal?
I vividly remember a boyfriend I had when I was about 15 telling me we needed to have sex b/c normal couples did. Thank goodness I had enough common sense to tell him this was crazy, but I know not every girl does. Shouldn't we be telling kids that it's ok NOT to have sex, instead of stressing that they should, and use protection while doing it? Shouldn't we be telling them it's ok to still act like kids BECAUSE THEY ARE, instead of turning them into adults at 12 when they're emotionally unready for the consequences?
I am 24 years old, and I've never had sex. I'm positive I'm not the only person on this planet capable of that decision. Is it hard? Yes. Sometimes I do wish I could be like the gang on Sex and the City...but then I think about how emotionally screwed up Carrie Bradshaw is. I mean, really...she has to use clothes and shoes to feel good about herself. Is this the message we're sending our teenagers?
Comprehensive sex ed is not the answer. Letting kids know it's ok not to have to be sexual is. Some kids may still choose to...but there are others who are sitting in that class, feeling awkward b/c their boyfriend is pressuring them and they're being told it's ok for him to do that as long as he brings a condom. And they need to be supported in saying no. It is ok to say no at 13. It is ok to say no at 24. Sex is not the answer, and I don't want my kids, if I have any, to be told that it is. And I don't want to pay for a public school system that does it to other people's kids, my niece for example. As someone I know says, "That's not right". And it isn't.
But first, I just have to rant about 2 things.
1.) People assuming I am 15. I am not. I have crow's feet around my eyes, people. These are not the crow's feet of a 15 year old.
Also, it is not appropriate to approach me, someone you've never met, and ask me, a.) if i'm a student (why does this matter? People can be students at any age), b.) when I stress that I am a GRADUATE student, feel the need to comment on how young I look (example from this past weekend..."you look like a young'un!") b/c NO, you're not the first person to ever tell me that, and no, I don't appreciate it. People don't walk up to you and say you look old. But you do. and c.) expect me to smile and thank you. I'm not going to thank you. I may appreciate it when I'm 40, but not if it means you can't respect me professionally and as a person. Also, you're weird for feeling the burning need to ask if I am fifteen. What's it to you?
Also, lately I've had people asking if my nose is real. WHAT? Of course it is. But apparently it's what people are asking for when they get a nose job now. That is just strange. Yes , my nose is real (my dad and grandma have the exact same nose, so I can prove it), but if it wasn't, don't you think that would make me feel pretty self-conscious about my fake nose?
2.) Comprehensive sex-ed in schools.
Everybody at school takes it for granted that we all want this. But I don't. Not only do I think it's creepy/inappropriate to discuss sex with children, I think it's the wrong answer to teen pregnancy. Should there be less teen pregnancy? Well, probably...but abortion/using contraception is not the answer.
Instead of asking how we can help children have sex, we should be asking WHY ON EARTH 13-year-olds want to have sex in the first place. I'm not completely naive (I did go to a pretty poor public middle school, after all...I started having pregnant girls in my class in 6th grade), I know they have sex. But is it because they really want to, or because our society has created an environment where everything is sexualized, including children? Are they having sex because they feel like they have to to be normal?
I vividly remember a boyfriend I had when I was about 15 telling me we needed to have sex b/c normal couples did. Thank goodness I had enough common sense to tell him this was crazy, but I know not every girl does. Shouldn't we be telling kids that it's ok NOT to have sex, instead of stressing that they should, and use protection while doing it? Shouldn't we be telling them it's ok to still act like kids BECAUSE THEY ARE, instead of turning them into adults at 12 when they're emotionally unready for the consequences?
I am 24 years old, and I've never had sex. I'm positive I'm not the only person on this planet capable of that decision. Is it hard? Yes. Sometimes I do wish I could be like the gang on Sex and the City...but then I think about how emotionally screwed up Carrie Bradshaw is. I mean, really...she has to use clothes and shoes to feel good about herself. Is this the message we're sending our teenagers?
Comprehensive sex ed is not the answer. Letting kids know it's ok not to have to be sexual is. Some kids may still choose to...but there are others who are sitting in that class, feeling awkward b/c their boyfriend is pressuring them and they're being told it's ok for him to do that as long as he brings a condom. And they need to be supported in saying no. It is ok to say no at 13. It is ok to say no at 24. Sex is not the answer, and I don't want my kids, if I have any, to be told that it is. And I don't want to pay for a public school system that does it to other people's kids, my niece for example. As someone I know says, "That's not right". And it isn't.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Wedding planning updates
So, having just finished a 5-page paper on group dynamics and theory which I started approximately 4 1/2 hours ago (there was lots of office watching and dealing with cake tasting leftovers in between), I thought I would provide an update on our wedding plans. Anything to avoid school at this point, really.
We had florist appointments and cake tastings this week, and I'm feeling positive about our overall progress thus far.
A recap:
Wedding: June 5th
Ceremony: Sacred Heart Cathedral, Raleigh
Reception: Sister's Garden
Photographer: Aperature Aficionado (Holly & Andrew Wagner)
Reception band: The Boilermakers (swing)
Flowers: Kelly Odum (we picked dark pink, blue/green, and coral as the main flower colors)
Cake: Cinda's Creative Cakes
The cake process was really awesome...she had us look through her albums and mark any features we liked, and then did a sketch while we talked, so we came away what our wedding cake will most likely look like. Plus we had three 10-inch cakes to eat at the end. I'll post a scan of the design if I get a copy.
Next up: Finalizing our invitation list and buying invitations. It does seem like it's getting more real as things move along!
We had florist appointments and cake tastings this week, and I'm feeling positive about our overall progress thus far.
A recap:
Wedding: June 5th
Ceremony: Sacred Heart Cathedral, Raleigh
Reception: Sister's Garden
Photographer: Aperature Aficionado (Holly & Andrew Wagner)
Reception band: The Boilermakers (swing)
Flowers: Kelly Odum (we picked dark pink, blue/green, and coral as the main flower colors)
Cake: Cinda's Creative Cakes
The cake process was really awesome...she had us look through her albums and mark any features we liked, and then did a sketch while we talked, so we came away what our wedding cake will most likely look like. Plus we had three 10-inch cakes to eat at the end. I'll post a scan of the design if I get a copy.
Next up: Finalizing our invitation list and buying invitations. It does seem like it's getting more real as things move along!
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Business as usual
I know I haven't written in a while...but that's mainly because I haven't had anything to say. I continue to not be motivated to do school-related things (especially when they pertain to Community Theory, aka, the class I want to end RIGHT NOW.)
I haven't made any more wedding progress (although I do have florist and cake appointments this week).
I will comment on all the TV shows that are now back from their summer break:
I'm just holding out for Thanksgiving.
I haven't made any more wedding progress (although I do have florist and cake appointments this week).
I will comment on all the TV shows that are now back from their summer break:
- Top Chef--much more predictable than last season. But still good.
- House--I actually liked the premiere, and may keep watching even though I didn't plan to watch at all this season.
- Bones--So far excellent as usual. And excellently gross.
- Glee--No words can describe how much I love this show. I just hope they don't lost their momentum and end up like Ugly Betty, more drama than comedy.
- Grey's Anatomy--I'm not sure how I feel about the whole Mercy West merger. And the fact that Meredith, Izzie, and Derek will be gone for parts of the season.
- The Office. I just got addicted to this thanks to Brian (and my very Michael Scott-like boss at my internship), but so far I like it. Plus a girl I went to England with is supposed to be in an episode soon.
I'm just holding out for Thanksgiving.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Settling in
2 weeks of school down...14 to go until Christmas break.
I've discovered so far this semester (like I didn't already know) that I'm just not into school anymore--the group projects, the papers, all the reading. I don't know if it's because I went straight from undergrad into grad school without a break and now have been in school for 17, going on 18, consecutive years, or the fact that most of my textbooks talk about "right wing repression" as the reason for all society's ills, or the fact that our DD system is so crappy out there right now that i feel like I need to DO something, instead of just sitting in a classroom and shadowing people as the intern. Don't get me wrong, I like my internship, and I've learned a LOT in the 6 days I've been there so far, but I'm tired. Tired of being a student, tired of having homework, tired of not getting paid for all the hours I put in, tired of being told that my political leanings caused everything that's wrong in the world.
I want to graduate, but I'm scared what will happen when I do. Brian's sending in the first of his grad school applications this week, and with that putting our living situation next year into limbo. Where will we be? Where will I find a job? How will we pay for things? Who knows.
In wedding news (i'm trying to stay positive about it despite all the fluctuating variables), I found a band for the reception thanks to some help from the Triangle Swing Dance Society. Next up: finding a florist. And graduating. Making it to graduation without exploding in "repressive right wing" anger is a big goal right now. We'll see how it goes.
I've discovered so far this semester (like I didn't already know) that I'm just not into school anymore--the group projects, the papers, all the reading. I don't know if it's because I went straight from undergrad into grad school without a break and now have been in school for 17, going on 18, consecutive years, or the fact that most of my textbooks talk about "right wing repression" as the reason for all society's ills, or the fact that our DD system is so crappy out there right now that i feel like I need to DO something, instead of just sitting in a classroom and shadowing people as the intern. Don't get me wrong, I like my internship, and I've learned a LOT in the 6 days I've been there so far, but I'm tired. Tired of being a student, tired of having homework, tired of not getting paid for all the hours I put in, tired of being told that my political leanings caused everything that's wrong in the world.
I want to graduate, but I'm scared what will happen when I do. Brian's sending in the first of his grad school applications this week, and with that putting our living situation next year into limbo. Where will we be? Where will I find a job? How will we pay for things? Who knows.
In wedding news (i'm trying to stay positive about it despite all the fluctuating variables), I found a band for the reception thanks to some help from the Triangle Swing Dance Society. Next up: finding a florist. And graduating. Making it to graduation without exploding in "repressive right wing" anger is a big goal right now. We'll see how it goes.
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