The longest word I'll ever use

I thought, being an English major during college, that I had come across most of the vocabulary I would need to use in my life. I realized I was wrong when I saw the title of one of my assignments (and heard this word used in other classes, as well): biopsychosocial. Really. I have to write a 10-page biopsychosocial assessment. Apparently, social work has its origins in Germany, because only in German have I seen them use this technique of mashing words together to create one big one.

Also, another discovery: I am more transparent than I thought. During my series of pointless workshops around learning styles and "creating a learning environment" (gag), we had to do one of those icebreakers (never mind that we've all been thrown together for 8 hours a day for the past 2 weeks and don't NEED icebreakers) where you have a list of characteristics (been on a cruise ,speaks French, etc) and have to find people to put in the spaces--several people asked me "you're ambitious, right? " and " you look like one of those people that do their assignments immediately".  While this is certainly true, it was surprising that people i've only known for 2 weeks seemed to be able to discern this--what makes me seem ambitious? 

In conclusion, as it was pouring this morning when I got off the bus and i had to slog through what amounted to a pond that happened to have a brick walkway somewhere underneath it and got sprayed by the water coming off passing Mack trucks and buses, I spent most of the day freezing cold and wet. Now, after taking a hot bath to remedy the freezing, I'm baking chocolate chip cookies to make up for my crappy day. You might want to eat lunch with me tomorrow...I'm just saying. 

Insight and Frustration

While reading for my macro class, I had, during a brief zone-out, an inspiration:  I realized what I would really like to do with my life.  I would LOVE to be able to counsel parents who have just discovered that their child has a disability (either in utero or post-birth), talking with them about how to make their life productive, talking them out of feeling despair and possibly wanting to abort, and also talking to parents who have known their child's diagnosis for a while and still focus on making their child "normal". I HATE HATE HATE "normalization", because it inherently implies that these children are somehow lesser and must be fixed. This is just not true, and if I could yell at every agency that propagates this belief (including one i've worked for) believe me, I would.

Another source of frustration is the term "consumer"; as in, parents coming to discuss their child with me would be a consumer of my services. Well, this just makes social work sound like Burger King. I had to go to a 20-hour workshop last fall focusing on the switch to consumer, and I maintain that it is completely ridiculous. I realize it's supposed to promote empowerment, blah blah, but it just makes me cringe. 

"Let's normalize this consumer". HOW HORRIBLE IS THAT?

School of Social WORK

Well, I have to say, I now know why they call it social WORK. Thus far (and i've only been to 2 classes), it certainly looks to be a lot of work.

Today I had macro practice and development 1...I think they're going to be good and informative, but there's a lot of reading and assignments for both (no exams, though--yay!). A lot of students (and even some teachers) have said "You won't be able to read it all". WELL, WHY ASSIGN IT THEN? Really, that makes no sense to me.

 I've also been working on my online class, and here's a quote from a video I had to watch about Native American mascots and how they're offensive:

"Minority rights aren't always right".  REALLY.  Someone really said this (I think this person was also in the Illinois senate).  Well, shouldn't everyone have rights?  Native American mascots have always kind of bothered me at the back of my mind (plus that arm-chopping thing the Seminoles do is freaking annoying), but watching this video, where several Native Americans explained that tribal dances are a religious ceremony and that Chief is an earned and very respected title (hence, seeing a "chief" dance around at half-time is extremely upsetting), i have to agree that it's offensive. It's like seeing someone playing Jesus or a priest or something during half-time--how can you not agree that's offensive? I'm not Native American (CLEARLY, if you've ever seen me), but I can understand how, after years and years of persecution, they'd just like some respect. Well, who wouldn't?

In short...i've had a lot of work, even so far, but i'm learning a lot. Let's hope this continues...

Here's to new beginnings

"Sometimes life is like Whac-A-Mole--you have to make decisions and all you have is a puffy baton"--Prof. Strom-Gottfried

At the closing of day 2 of orientation, I'm no less exhausted and keep finding myself alternating rapidly between contentment, excitement, and the urge to sob uncontrollably over the passing of one of the best summers work and friend-wise ever. I'm feeling alone as I sit by myself on a Friday night and separated from everyone that gave me that comfort zone, allowing me to not have to branch out.  I've met lots of great people in the past 2 days--but will any of them really be close? Will I be able to keep up with my college friends like I want to? Will I survive grad school as anything other than a quivering mass of nerves?

As down on life as I've been recently, I am glad to be where I am in my life (although I wish I were somehow magically able to make a lot more money; paying the bills is stressing me out big-time).

On a different note...

I'm sure this is clear for those of you who know me, but...I am a HUGE nerd. Today we had to to take a writing assessment, and I actually thought it was kind of fun. I KNOW..i'm weird. But in a strange way, the challenge got me geared up to be writing papers again (I actually downloaded a ton of classical music by my fav composers (Mozart, Vivaldi, and Gershwin) to study/write papers by, as after 4 years of living in near-constant noise, silence drives me nuts and I can't focus if there are things with words (ie, tv or pop music) playing nearby.  

So, here's to new beginnings--may they be as promising as they look.

Nostalgia and Apprehension

"Some people see "social worker" as "savior"'--Shaunee, my new classmate

It's official--i'm now in grad school. I have the bag with the School of Social Work's logo and everything (we got this free--for the cost of tuition. How lovely).

I've only finished my first day of orientation (it lasts until the end of August, technically--good grief); it went ok, although I'm feeling that it's going to be just as much work as I had anticipated, which i'm not really excited about. I did get to meet some new people who are in to all kinds of awesome social work. 

We also had some great conversations about working in organizations (and I met several people with whom i'll be sure to have many satisfying rants about the state of the mental health system in NC), which kind of busted me out of my dread of the next 2 years and helped me find some things to look forward to:

• If the bag (and the mug I already had) is anything to go by, free stuff
• Lots of diversity and interesting conversations
• Good teachers (even if they ARE tough, they all seemed nice and willing to hold a conversation about the future)
• Getting to choose electives next year
• My field placement

As Lara departs for Greenville for good tomorrow, i'm feeling extremely apprehensive about living by myself for real--although I'm feeling that, if the way I feel now is anything to go by, i'll be so exhausted I'll barely notice.  Still, another new beginning--as we walked on campus today, and saw all the freshman just starting their college journey, it made me extremely nostalgic for the four years that just passed so quickly.

I'm passing into a new stage of my life--but I don't think I'm ready.

crap or culture?

I just went to the library, and while I was there I stopped to check out their new biography shelf--which currently features full-length biographies of Dr. Dre and Tupac. Is this utterly ridiculous, or pop culture at its best?  I just can't decide...

Ch-ch-changes

"Pretty soon now you're going to get a little older"--David Bowie, "Changes"

It's really hit me in the past week how many things are changing, and how fast. With school looming ahead, and everyone that was staying in Chapel Hill for the summer moving on to the next stage in their lives (and everyone who is staying in Chapel Hill focusing on their jobs rather than textbooks and class lists), I've been feeling a bit melancholy.  I almost wish I hadn't decided to move on to grad school--I've enjoyed working during the day and having the nights and weekends free to do whatever I wanted.  Of course, now that I'm living alone ( a decision i'm also beginning to regret), free time usually equals me time--which i'm not so sure I like so much.

Of course, there are pros and cons to both school and having to live alone, such as:

• I counted, and since my freshman year I have lived with TWENTY THREE different people, counting the girls I lived with in London when I studied abroad. This is just completely insane, and it's almost a relief not to have such a flowing tide of roommates anymore.
• BUT, I miss having roommates to talk to--not to mention split the bill.

As far as school goes, 

• Of course there's the argument for getting a better job post-graduation with a higher and more specialized degree.
• BUT--two more years of school??? I'm having to take 5 classes, do an internship, AND do an online class just for this fall--not to mention keeping up my part-time job too.

In short, things are changing, and far too fast for my liking. When did college end?? I'm an engaged, 23-year-old grad student, and that seems a bit scary. Still, it will be interesting to see what the future will hold...

Mma Ramotswe, my cat, and all things Jewish

I've had some free time in the past couple of days, and i've spent it reading  In The Company of Cheerful Ladies, a book in one my favorite series: The Number 1 Ladie's Detective Agency, by Alexander McCall Smith.  These books are not only enjoyable and relaxing, but they're also an amazing example of an author successfully embodying a main character (in this case, 2 main characters) of the opposite gender.  Some of these portrayals (James Patterson's Lindsay Boxer springs to mind) are so ridiculous that I often spend the whole book ridiculing this person's inaccurate portrayal of their main character rather than the plot (although I have to say, in  Patterson's 1st to Die, it's hard to pick which is worse.)  Kudos to McCall Smith on creating Mma Ramotswe, a character that women can identify with and respect at the same time.

Another thing I've spent my free time doing is cleaning up after my cat, who has decided to lick herself far too often, leaving me to suffer (and clean up) the consequences. And also the vet bill for her new flea medicine and rabies shot...

On a far different note, I had my interview at Jewish Family Services, where i'll be interning for the next year. My initial impression was that it's going to be a really awesome place to spend time and won't seem like work at all.  Here are some:

Reasons Why I'm Excited to be working at JFS:

• I'm going to be working with a totally new population, culturally as well as need- and age-wise, which is always exciting because I love learning new things and meeting new communities
• They're closed for Jewish holidays, which means I have nearly every Wednesday in October off (of course, I have to work other days to make it up, but still...wooo!)
• I've always been fascinated by Judaism and now I can learn about it firsthand without having to consider it as a religious choice for myself.
• It's going to be a nice break from my ARC work; i've always enjoyed spending time with the elderly (except the extra-cantankerous mean ones, but there are some of those in every population)
• And finally....because I might be heading up a new program for special needs! Yay!! This I'm really excited about, since I feel like it might be a spring-board to a real job post-grad school.

In closing, I think that being totally psyched about my Clinical Diagnosis and Assessment text book is a good sign that I'm going into the right field....

The cost of living

"If America is the richest country in the world, how can most of its citizens barely afford to live here?"--Swing Vote

The cost of living really hit me today, as I had to take my car in the for its 30,000 mile maintenance AND go to the dentist (not to mention going in for a random drug test for my job, which fortunately I didn't have to pay for).  The two expenses mentioned above added up to more than my paycheck. AWESOME. If I, who have a job that is far above minimum wage, can barely afford to pay for things, when I'm still on my parent's health insurance and am getting some assistance from them, how does the rest of the country life? Really, I can't figure it out.

This is an especially difficult dilemma for me, as I think everyone should have affordable health insurance (and by this I mean, NOT half of their income, or even a substantial portion), BUT I don't want government-sponsored health insurance (of all the things I love about England, the NIH isn't one of them) , I think Medicaid and Medicare are a lot of paperwork and useless hoops to jump through and not a lot of quality care, and I also don't want doctors to get paid any less than they already do by said organizations (they have to pay off med school/provide for their families somehow).  Interestingly, I think Mike Huckabee's idea of health insurance is a good place to start--a focus on preventative care rather than mopping up afterwards. In other words, treatment for people at risk for diabetes, rather than amputating limbs after the fact.  As you've probably noticed, he's no longer in the running for anything. 

In addition to my utter frustration at the American economy and how much things cost (and also at the US in general for not even attempting to come up with a reasonable solution for this), here are some

Reasons I hate going to the dentist:

• They try to talk to you while their hands/instruments are in your mouth (today I managed to stab myself in the gum while trying to answer a question about my undergrad major)
• They always manage to give you bad news (today:  My gums are receding and my teeth are wearing down from grinding/clenching them)
• I HATE that pointy curved thing they scrape plaque off with, not only because I absolutely detest the noise it makes on teeth, but also because I always manage to bleed copiously when they use it (today was no exception).
• It's expensive 
• The x-rays are, and have always been, farrrr to large for my mouth (who do they MAKE those things for? The Cookie Monster?)
• I always leave feeling bad about my teeth maintenance skills. 

In short, today was expensive, America is expensive, and I don't like the dentist.  Hurrah.

Welcome to Me

I have, at last, started a blog. I've been thinking about it for a while, because, well, gosh, it seems like everyone's doing it these days. But, now that i've moved into my own apartment and am sans roommates (and hence sans people to gripe at/with about all the various inconveniences of life), and I hate phone calls (which is irrelevant anyway, since my cell phone doesn't work in my apartment), it was either start a blog or spend all my time talking to my cat who, I must say, is not the best of communicators.

My main reason for not starting a blog was that I don't seem to have a central theme--but it struck me today, while going through all my copious material in preparation for grad school (starting NEXT THURSDAY!!! AHHH!!!) that the next 2 years are going to be packed with experiences and learning, and that is certainly a theme.  Besides that, a lot of people I know are moving away, and I want them to be able to keep up with me--sorry guys, bad cell signal and all. 

So, in case you don't know me (which you probably do, given that you're reading this) or haven't caught up in a while, here's a summary of me, to base future posts on:

I'm a first year graduate student in the School of Social Work, who just graduated with a BA in English from UNC (you wouldn't be the first  to say that these 2 are unrelated), am engaged to my boyfriend of 5 years (FINALLY), and love working with people with disabilities, which i've done both through Best Buddies throughout college, and several jobs, my current one being with the Arc of Orange County.  I also love reading, drinking tea, cats, movies of all kinds (except overly scary ones), and England, where I am convinced I am meant to live, and have no idea how I ended up in the States.  

coming up in my life: 

• The end of Summer Work & Wellness, the camp I've been working at this summer, helping to teach teenagers with disabilities job skills and tools for independence
• My interview with my potential internship site, Jewish Family Services
• The start of my first year of grad school (which i'm sure will mean many, many meltdowns to come)
• My conversion to Catholicism

In other words, many exciting times.   Also, expect many book and movie reviews.  

Welcome to Me.