Sunday, November 2, 2008

Guilt and Abandonment

I am the scum of the earth. Ok, this isn't really true...but I sure feel like it, after I had to tell Joe's parents I would be leaving at the end of November. This is really one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, which I'm sure sounds hokey, but it's true.

I would be excited about getting to November, if this month didn't look harder than last. I have 3 major papers and a presentation before Thanksgiving (ie, in the next 3 1/2 weeks), and i've only started researching one of them. I'm pretty sure the 4-clients-every-Thursday thing will continue at JFS, which means I'll be getting home after a 9-10 hour day feeling beaten up.  Plus I'll be working my full hours there, and still working with Joe on Sundays (as the guilt hovers over me, I'm sure).  BUT, I feel like the decision to leave was the right one--working/going to class 40 hours during the week and doing the same type of work on Sundays is too much, and I'm pretty sure I'd burnout reallllly soon. That doesn't make me feel better though...

I've also abandoned, at least for now, my plan to move to Raleigh and get married early. For one, I realized that a lot of my urge to leave CH hinged on the election and how utterly sick I am of having to deal with the Obamaites. But I'm not sure that would be any better in Raleigh, for all State's conservative reputation. Also, I just don't want to have to move again, and find a library, grocery store, and gym all over again, not to mention figure out where I was most of the time. As most of you know, I am not too good with the directions.  I think I was just feeling lonely and was a bit overly optimistic when I was scheming....

On the bright side, if there is one, a new sign just went up across the street from my apartment complex: Carolina Institute for Developmental Disabilities. HMM. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to walk to work next year...

PS--In line with "guilt and abandonment" theme of this post, this past Thursday was the 10-year anniversary of my parents telling me they were getting a divorce, and the subsequent downward spiral I still sometimes wonder if I've pulled myself out of....

2 comments:

Lara Newell said...

Joe's an alias, right?

Sarah said...

yeah, to protect his confidentiality.