I know it's been forever since I have written...but we still don't have Internet at home and I find myself wanting to spend my (increasingly limited) free time at home rather than tracking down wi-fi networks.
I (finally) started my job Nov.1, and even though it's only part-time for now, it's been busy since the get-go. I'm doing Career Counseling for undergrads, and the closer it gets to graduation, the more panic-stricken seniors I get in my office. (I'm expecting there to be hordes by March). I like it though, since it gives me an opportunity to both do individual counseling and also event planning and administrative stuff; I'm just hoping it gets upped to full-time in the near future, as I both need more time to get everything done, but also could really use a full-time salary and health benefits. I may also start volunteering at a local clinic; more on that as it happens.
Brian's finishing up the first semester of his Master's in Theology (his last exam is tomorrow), and we head back to NC on the 26th. I can't believe it's been almost 6 months since we left--it seems like it's been forever and no time at all, simultaneously. We're already thinking about where we might end up next (so far the choices are staying here, Pittsburgh, DC, and New York, with more to come I'm sure).
Life is an adventure right now..and I kind of like it that way.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
St. Gerard, Pray for Us
The recent feast day of St. Gerard, patron saint of pregnancy, motherhood, and infertility, made me think about infertility, its impact on myself, and also what it means to be infertile living in our modern world.
When I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) in 2007, it was an incredibly painful time for me. My sister was pregnant with my niece, so I struggled with the dual emotions of rejoicing for her and being aware that it might be possible that I would never be able to rejoice in a similar way for myself. Add the fact that Brian was Catholic (and I wasn’t really on the road to becoming Catholic myself, then) and opposed to birth control/IVF of any type and my doctor’s telling me that the ONLY treatment for me was, guess what, birth control, added up to one troubled and confused college senior.
Since then, I’ve gained another niece and a nephew, and more wisdom about PCOS than my initial, “I’ll never be a parent! Brian and I can never get married because he doesn’t believe in birth control and they’re telling me I’ll have to be on it forever!” allowed. Not only was I able to get off birth control (more than 2 years of being on it made me realize that a.) it didn’t give me “less painful periods” like they promised, b.) it made my always frequent mood swings worse, and c.) it made me just feel miserable—constantly tired and bloated) but I’ve been more able to come to terms with the fact that “parenthood” doesn’t only exist for families that were able to have biological children.
I’ve come, also, to believe that birth control and IVF are wrong, not because I’m just accepting Catholic teaching, but also because I’ve witnessed it for myself. Being on a constant extra dose of hormones did not make me a better person in the least, and, knowing more than most about the eugenics movement in the United States, it’s become more than apparent that birth control is really used for population control (especially in “less desirable” populations, ie, non-white, non-rich, those with disabilities, etc. etc. ) IVF not only is unnatural (God made children grow inside a mother, not a petrie dish, for a reason), it also lends itself to making “designer babies”, allowing parents to choose the children’s eye color, hair color, and assuring that they aren’t born with disabilities of any kind. Master Race, anyone?
I know there are many out there that would argue that IVF has helped many families have children…I’m sure that’s true, but I also know there are a lot of parentless children out there, and it makes more sense to match parentless children and childrenless parents then it does to create babies in a lab.
Being an infertile female in a society seemingly obsessed with pregnancy—teen moms! octuplets! celebrity moms! abortion!—can, admittedly, be painful. Going to baby showers and birthday parties for kids, and knowing you may never reciprocate those invitations is like being stabbed in the heart a little each time. But I believe that God did make me infertile for a reason. Maybe it’s because there’s a child (or children) out there waiting for myself and Brian to become their parents. Maybe it’s because this whole experience has made me vastly more appreciative of the miracle that is conception and human life. Maybe because I’m meant to advocate a pro-life stance to those who I come across in my daily life. Whatever the reason, I know it’ll be a struggle, especially as friends and family start asking us…”So…when are you going to start a family?” I don’t have any other answer than “When God thinks that it is the right time”, because I am in an utter lack of control about when we have children. Whether and when it happens is not up to us in the least.
St. Gerard, pray for us.
When I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) in 2007, it was an incredibly painful time for me. My sister was pregnant with my niece, so I struggled with the dual emotions of rejoicing for her and being aware that it might be possible that I would never be able to rejoice in a similar way for myself. Add the fact that Brian was Catholic (and I wasn’t really on the road to becoming Catholic myself, then) and opposed to birth control/IVF of any type and my doctor’s telling me that the ONLY treatment for me was, guess what, birth control, added up to one troubled and confused college senior.
Since then, I’ve gained another niece and a nephew, and more wisdom about PCOS than my initial, “I’ll never be a parent! Brian and I can never get married because he doesn’t believe in birth control and they’re telling me I’ll have to be on it forever!” allowed. Not only was I able to get off birth control (more than 2 years of being on it made me realize that a.) it didn’t give me “less painful periods” like they promised, b.) it made my always frequent mood swings worse, and c.) it made me just feel miserable—constantly tired and bloated) but I’ve been more able to come to terms with the fact that “parenthood” doesn’t only exist for families that were able to have biological children.
I’ve come, also, to believe that birth control and IVF are wrong, not because I’m just accepting Catholic teaching, but also because I’ve witnessed it for myself. Being on a constant extra dose of hormones did not make me a better person in the least, and, knowing more than most about the eugenics movement in the United States, it’s become more than apparent that birth control is really used for population control (especially in “less desirable” populations, ie, non-white, non-rich, those with disabilities, etc. etc. ) IVF not only is unnatural (God made children grow inside a mother, not a petrie dish, for a reason), it also lends itself to making “designer babies”, allowing parents to choose the children’s eye color, hair color, and assuring that they aren’t born with disabilities of any kind. Master Race, anyone?
I know there are many out there that would argue that IVF has helped many families have children…I’m sure that’s true, but I also know there are a lot of parentless children out there, and it makes more sense to match parentless children and childrenless parents then it does to create babies in a lab.
Being an infertile female in a society seemingly obsessed with pregnancy—teen moms! octuplets! celebrity moms! abortion!—can, admittedly, be painful. Going to baby showers and birthday parties for kids, and knowing you may never reciprocate those invitations is like being stabbed in the heart a little each time. But I believe that God did make me infertile for a reason. Maybe it’s because there’s a child (or children) out there waiting for myself and Brian to become their parents. Maybe it’s because this whole experience has made me vastly more appreciative of the miracle that is conception and human life. Maybe because I’m meant to advocate a pro-life stance to those who I come across in my daily life. Whatever the reason, I know it’ll be a struggle, especially as friends and family start asking us…”So…when are you going to start a family?” I don’t have any other answer than “When God thinks that it is the right time”, because I am in an utter lack of control about when we have children. Whether and when it happens is not up to us in the least.
St. Gerard, pray for us.
Friday, October 1, 2010
A Baking-deprived world
For years, people have been telling me that I should sell my baked goods, and for just as many years I’ve been thinking that they were crazy. Who would pay for cookies when they can just make their own?
Recently, I made a cake for a pot-luck dinner and had someone ask, “Wow! How did you make this?”. This question dumbfounded me…do people really not know how to make cakes? My response was, “well, I just followed the recipe. It’s not hard” and she responded, “well, it doesn’t look like any cake I’ve ever seen!” (For the record, it was a chocolate chip bundt cake with a chocolate glaze.)
I grew up in a family of bakers…my mom always baked at holidays, for school bake sales, and for birthdays (when I was 6, she made me a three-tier birthday cake that looked like a carosel). Both my grandmothers baked, and when I was 8 I started not only helping them bake but also baking on my own. (My easy-bake oven never worked right, so I just graduated straight to the real thing).
I’ve been baking ever since…when my parents got divorced, it was really a source of comfort, and has continued to be that way. In college and grad school, I baked nearly every week, for bible studies and staff meetings, and just because I felt like it and wanted a good dessert. But I’ve never considered my baking special…I’ve never been to culinary school, and don’t know fancy tricks or names or how to make pastry or have any decorating skills. But more and more I’m realizing that cooking, and especially baking, is becoming a lost art. Most people don’t go to the effort to make things from scratch anymore, and many of them wouldn’t know where to start if they wanted to. (In college, I made a pumpkin pie in the dorm and had tons of people tell me it was just like their mom’s…I was, again, dumbfounded. What will they do when they want a pie and their mom isn’t there to make it for them? The obvious answer here is buy one from the store, but, as a baker, this never occurred to me.)
More and more I’ve been realizing a.) how much happier baking makes me than almost anything else and b.) it’s not as common a skill as I always believed. Just today, buying cream cheese at Target to make a cheesecake, the check out clerk told me, “You know, it’s much cheaper to just buy one”. I just stood gaping dumbly at her..just buy one? What?
Before I moved here, I had a coworker suggest that I contact the coffee shop in town and ask if they would be interested in selling my baked goods, as an extra source of income. Shocking even myself, I did, never expecting anything to come from it.
I’m still not sure if anything will come from it, but I have a meeting with the owners Saturday morning and am fixing up a slew of my best cookies, cakes, and pies for them to taste (snickerdoodles, cream-topped NY cheesecake, cream-cheese frosted red velvet cake, lemon bundt cake with almond frosting, and chocolate chip pie). Maybe the only thing that will happen is that they ‘ll have a very tasty Saturday morning (and all the friends we’re inviting over Saturday night to eat the rest will enjoy it, too), but I won’t regret it. I like sharing what I’ve baked, and if it makes someone’s day better, then I’ve achieved my purpose.
But…making a career out of it wouldn’t be too bad either.
Recently, I made a cake for a pot-luck dinner and had someone ask, “Wow! How did you make this?”. This question dumbfounded me…do people really not know how to make cakes? My response was, “well, I just followed the recipe. It’s not hard” and she responded, “well, it doesn’t look like any cake I’ve ever seen!” (For the record, it was a chocolate chip bundt cake with a chocolate glaze.)
I grew up in a family of bakers…my mom always baked at holidays, for school bake sales, and for birthdays (when I was 6, she made me a three-tier birthday cake that looked like a carosel). Both my grandmothers baked, and when I was 8 I started not only helping them bake but also baking on my own. (My easy-bake oven never worked right, so I just graduated straight to the real thing).
I’ve been baking ever since…when my parents got divorced, it was really a source of comfort, and has continued to be that way. In college and grad school, I baked nearly every week, for bible studies and staff meetings, and just because I felt like it and wanted a good dessert. But I’ve never considered my baking special…I’ve never been to culinary school, and don’t know fancy tricks or names or how to make pastry or have any decorating skills. But more and more I’m realizing that cooking, and especially baking, is becoming a lost art. Most people don’t go to the effort to make things from scratch anymore, and many of them wouldn’t know where to start if they wanted to. (In college, I made a pumpkin pie in the dorm and had tons of people tell me it was just like their mom’s…I was, again, dumbfounded. What will they do when they want a pie and their mom isn’t there to make it for them? The obvious answer here is buy one from the store, but, as a baker, this never occurred to me.)
More and more I’ve been realizing a.) how much happier baking makes me than almost anything else and b.) it’s not as common a skill as I always believed. Just today, buying cream cheese at Target to make a cheesecake, the check out clerk told me, “You know, it’s much cheaper to just buy one”. I just stood gaping dumbly at her..just buy one? What?
Before I moved here, I had a coworker suggest that I contact the coffee shop in town and ask if they would be interested in selling my baked goods, as an extra source of income. Shocking even myself, I did, never expecting anything to come from it.
I’m still not sure if anything will come from it, but I have a meeting with the owners Saturday morning and am fixing up a slew of my best cookies, cakes, and pies for them to taste (snickerdoodles, cream-topped NY cheesecake, cream-cheese frosted red velvet cake, lemon bundt cake with almond frosting, and chocolate chip pie). Maybe the only thing that will happen is that they ‘ll have a very tasty Saturday morning (and all the friends we’re inviting over Saturday night to eat the rest will enjoy it, too), but I won’t regret it. I like sharing what I’ve baked, and if it makes someone’s day better, then I’ve achieved my purpose.
But…making a career out of it wouldn’t be too bad either.
Monday, September 27, 2010
A New Year for TV
Given that fall TV started back this week, I thought I would give an update on some of my favorite (and new favorite) shows.
Old Shows:
--Glee:
I have to admit, I wasn't thrilled with the season's first episode. Rachel was even more shrill and annoying than usual, I wasn't hooked by any of the songs, and the plotline wasn't even very funny. But I have high hopes for this week's Britney Spears episode and am hoping it leads to more 90s tributes...'N Sync anyone? Anyone?
--Bones:
I'm pleased that the characters are actually moving forward in their lives and in their relationships. I think the break of several months between last season and this was a good plot device to reinvigorate the series, and I'm looking forward to where it's going this year, especially in terms of Angela & Hodgins and their growing family.
--Grey's Anatomy:
I'm happy that this show,too, is letting its characters move forward (although to a less positive place than Bones). I don't know if it's just time or deliberate, but everyone, especially Meredith, is looking older. I hope she gets pregnant again and has a child with Derek; in general, the "commitment phobic" theme of the show is getting old and I really hope to see more marriages and children on the show in the future. The characters are clearly not in their early 20s anymore.
--Big Bang Theory:
Sadly, as this comes on at the same time as Bones and CBS does not post full episodes online, I'm not going to be able to watch BBT this year. But I'm getting the DVDs as soon as they come out!
New Shows: (I told myself I wouldn't pick up any, but I couldn't help myself)
--Top Chef Just Desserts:
I thought I would immediately love this show more than the original Top Chef, but I didn't. After 2 episodes, I'm finding it tolerable and am hoping to like it more in the future. General diva-ness detracts from the food, which is the whole reason I'm watching to begin with.
--The Event:
This is only the 2nd show ever that I've watched from the pilot episode (Glee being the first), and so far it's intriguing enough to make me watch more. Given how confusing the pilot was, I'm reserving judgment until I see some more, but I like the 24/Lost qualities it has and am so far committed to watching, at least for the near future.
--Parenthood:
I'm actually only watching the first season (which just came to DVD), but I absolutely love it and am looking forward to catching up on Season 2. It's realistic and easy to relate to without being depressing, and I love that they brought in the Asperger's plotline (I practically feel like I'm a character on the show, in the form of Max's behavioral therapist). I am really enjoying this show, and hope it stays so wonderful.
Old Shows:
--Glee:
I have to admit, I wasn't thrilled with the season's first episode. Rachel was even more shrill and annoying than usual, I wasn't hooked by any of the songs, and the plotline wasn't even very funny. But I have high hopes for this week's Britney Spears episode and am hoping it leads to more 90s tributes...'N Sync anyone? Anyone?
--Bones:
I'm pleased that the characters are actually moving forward in their lives and in their relationships. I think the break of several months between last season and this was a good plot device to reinvigorate the series, and I'm looking forward to where it's going this year, especially in terms of Angela & Hodgins and their growing family.
--Grey's Anatomy:
I'm happy that this show,too, is letting its characters move forward (although to a less positive place than Bones). I don't know if it's just time or deliberate, but everyone, especially Meredith, is looking older. I hope she gets pregnant again and has a child with Derek; in general, the "commitment phobic" theme of the show is getting old and I really hope to see more marriages and children on the show in the future. The characters are clearly not in their early 20s anymore.
--Big Bang Theory:
Sadly, as this comes on at the same time as Bones and CBS does not post full episodes online, I'm not going to be able to watch BBT this year. But I'm getting the DVDs as soon as they come out!
New Shows: (I told myself I wouldn't pick up any, but I couldn't help myself)
--Top Chef Just Desserts:
I thought I would immediately love this show more than the original Top Chef, but I didn't. After 2 episodes, I'm finding it tolerable and am hoping to like it more in the future. General diva-ness detracts from the food, which is the whole reason I'm watching to begin with.
--The Event:
This is only the 2nd show ever that I've watched from the pilot episode (Glee being the first), and so far it's intriguing enough to make me watch more. Given how confusing the pilot was, I'm reserving judgment until I see some more, but I like the 24/Lost qualities it has and am so far committed to watching, at least for the near future.
--Parenthood:
I'm actually only watching the first season (which just came to DVD), but I absolutely love it and am looking forward to catching up on Season 2. It's realistic and easy to relate to without being depressing, and I love that they brought in the Asperger's plotline (I practically feel like I'm a character on the show, in the form of Max's behavioral therapist). I am really enjoying this show, and hope it stays so wonderful.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Looking Ahead
Despite the fact that I've been recently spending all my time battling with my old apartment complex (they FORGOT to bill me for water since March, even though I asked them why I wasn't getting bills. Their answer: there are no new charges. Their answer now: It's the billing company's fault. But you still owe us. The billing company said they would "research" why I wasn't billed for 4 months and get back to me. They haven't.) I have lots to look forward to.
Not the least of them is the fact that I GOT A JOB! It's only a part time job right now, which means I'll more than likely have to find my own health insurance (blast) and is still paid based on hours worked. But, it's a job, and hopefully it will result in a full-time position sometime in the next year.
Plus, I got a bike, which has been really fun to ride despite the brutal temperatures here (still 90 degrees every day, with a 100+ degree heat index). This will also allow us to pursue selling my car, which will hopefully pay the aforementioned health care bills.
I'm looking forward to the temperature here getting at least a little cooler (that's going to happen soon...right?) and being able to go to the beach once that happens. According to our neighbors, beach season starts in October. You know you want to visit us this winter. Then I'll have something else to look forward to!
Not the least of them is the fact that I GOT A JOB! It's only a part time job right now, which means I'll more than likely have to find my own health insurance (blast) and is still paid based on hours worked. But, it's a job, and hopefully it will result in a full-time position sometime in the next year.
Plus, I got a bike, which has been really fun to ride despite the brutal temperatures here (still 90 degrees every day, with a 100+ degree heat index). This will also allow us to pursue selling my car, which will hopefully pay the aforementioned health care bills.
I'm looking forward to the temperature here getting at least a little cooler (that's going to happen soon...right?) and being able to go to the beach once that happens. According to our neighbors, beach season starts in October. You know you want to visit us this winter. Then I'll have something else to look forward to!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
A Tear-Stained Requiem
It’s Saturday as I write this, and it’s been almost a week since Brian woke me up late one night to say there were police lights flashing outside our window. Since the only thing outside our window is swamp, I told him he had dreamt it and to go back to sleep..when I saw them too. Another police car had pulled up on the main road, to the left of the swamp. Finally, after watching a while, we figured it must be someone getting pulled for speeding, or animal control to pick up a pesky alligator, and went back to sleep. But the next morning, we woke up to find that we had been looking out the window as a young man’s life (on earth, anyway) ended.
A local teenager, who had just graduated from the high school in town and was starting his freshman year here this fall, had been going too fast on the roads (a tempting thing to do, as there’s never any traffic), and lost control of the car, crashing off the road and into one of the many canals. A friend had been with him , and managed to get out of the sinking car and run for help…but too late. The young man, Alex, was drowned and since then, I think the whole town has been in some kind of shock.
Yesterday, there was a wake for him, and Brian and I decided to go as we’re community members now and we wanted to show our support for his family. This is when we realized that we’re FAR from community members. Most of the wake was teenagers weeping inconsolably for the loss of their friend (girls and guys alike), and we felt so out of place that we left shortly after arriving. This morning, Brian showed up at church for the reguarly scheduled confession time only to find a Requiem Mass going on…he awkwardly slunk out. Meanwhile, I went to the fitness room, only to come out to find the whole town congregated in the town center while his caskett was loaded into the hearse.
This whole process has struck me in a number of ways….the first being that we’re so unconnected from the community here that we had no idea most of this was going on, not to mention how we should respond. The second is my general reaction to funerals, and especially viewings, which is that I hate them. Especially yesterday, as several teenage girls were lead up the aisle weeping, I felt that I couldn’t bear that much suffering. By the time I left I too was in tears.
I’m such an empathetic crier that I burst into tears when my 2-year-old niece gets a scraped knee and bawls. I can’t tell you how ridiculous that feels, not to mention a tad embarrasing. At the funeral of one of my elderly clients, I cried so hard her daughter had to console me, instead of the other way around. I don’t know if this is comforting to people (well, at least I’m not the only one crying!) or incredibly offputting, but I know I can’t control it no matter how hard I try. I’ve been to several vigils for people who died while I was in college and whom I didn’t know well, but I always ended up in tears. Although I know that funerals are meant to honor the person who died, I often find them so sad and heart-wrenching that I avoid them at all costs, even skipping the recent viewing and funeral of my Great-Uncle Banks, who died before I left NC .
Is it pure avoidance, or that I prefer to remember people as I knew them alive, a task made easier if I haven’t seen them embalmed? I don’t know. But I do know that if you ever need someone to cry with, I’m only a box of tissues away.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Still Searching
...for a job, that is. I've had one interview so far, but haven't heard back yet..I'm hoping to soon, and praying that it's a positive outcome!
We've mostly settled in, and have figured out our way into town (Naples) for running errands (I got my library card yesterday, and picked up a Driver's Handbook so I can go get my Florida driver's license soon). Brian's orientation for his Master's program is the 24th, and his classes start the 3oth. It feels incredibly strange not to be going back to school...I do miss it, getting my new textbooks was always my favorite part of the year. Do I see another degree in my future? We'll see, I guess..
Other than that, not much has happened. We're still grappling with the amazing assortment of very large bugs that seem to live near us, not to mention birds that fly by with Maddy-sized animals in their talons (needless to say, we've been very careful to be sure she doesn't get out!) We still don't have internet at home (we're waiting until I get a job to add extra expenses) so I'm a bit out of the loop in terms of current events and the like.
Here's hoping I have some good news in terms of a job to report back soon!
We've mostly settled in, and have figured out our way into town (Naples) for running errands (I got my library card yesterday, and picked up a Driver's Handbook so I can go get my Florida driver's license soon). Brian's orientation for his Master's program is the 24th, and his classes start the 3oth. It feels incredibly strange not to be going back to school...I do miss it, getting my new textbooks was always my favorite part of the year. Do I see another degree in my future? We'll see, I guess..
Other than that, not much has happened. We're still grappling with the amazing assortment of very large bugs that seem to live near us, not to mention birds that fly by with Maddy-sized animals in their talons (needless to say, we've been very careful to be sure she doesn't get out!) We still don't have internet at home (we're waiting until I get a job to add extra expenses) so I'm a bit out of the loop in terms of current events and the like.
Here's hoping I have some good news in terms of a job to report back soon!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Hello, Florida
Well, we've been here for nearly 2 weeks...and although we both miss friends and family back home, I'm learning to enjoy our new place in life.
We've met some of the neighbors, and last night went over to our directly-across-the-street neighbor's house for some dessert, and met some more of the neighborhood. Most of the street is made up of grad students or people who work at the university, and most (really, nearly all) of the couples have young children or are pregnant. I'll admit, I feel kind of weird about this, since we're not ready to have kids just yet, and, because of my PCOS, don't even know if we can have children biologically. But, it will certainly be useful if we do, to have so many experienced young moms in the area, and, hopefully, LOTS of hand-me-down baby furniture and clothes!
The wildlife has been an adjustment...Ave Maria is essentially a swamp, so we're battling mosquitoes constantly, which isn't terribly new given that we grew up in New Bern, also a swamp. But, the gators (there is apparently a large 7-foot one that lives in the pond in our neighborhood, and a smaller once that lives in the pond in the park across the street), the wild boar, and the panthers, not to mention the usual raccoons and possum, hawks, egrets, and palmetto bugs, makes me feel like a pioneer living in as-yet-unsettled land. It certainly makes going for walks an adventure!
I'm still trying to find my feet and get a job...the sun is so bright out it's hard to drive, or go out at all, during the middle of the day. It's strange to be in a place where the beach season is October to May! I'll post more updates as I have them...prayers and thoughts appreciated in the meantime!
We've met some of the neighbors, and last night went over to our directly-across-the-street neighbor's house for some dessert, and met some more of the neighborhood. Most of the street is made up of grad students or people who work at the university, and most (really, nearly all) of the couples have young children or are pregnant. I'll admit, I feel kind of weird about this, since we're not ready to have kids just yet, and, because of my PCOS, don't even know if we can have children biologically. But, it will certainly be useful if we do, to have so many experienced young moms in the area, and, hopefully, LOTS of hand-me-down baby furniture and clothes!
The wildlife has been an adjustment...Ave Maria is essentially a swamp, so we're battling mosquitoes constantly, which isn't terribly new given that we grew up in New Bern, also a swamp. But, the gators (there is apparently a large 7-foot one that lives in the pond in our neighborhood, and a smaller once that lives in the pond in the park across the street), the wild boar, and the panthers, not to mention the usual raccoons and possum, hawks, egrets, and palmetto bugs, makes me feel like a pioneer living in as-yet-unsettled land. It certainly makes going for walks an adventure!
I'm still trying to find my feet and get a job...the sun is so bright out it's hard to drive, or go out at all, during the middle of the day. It's strange to be in a place where the beach season is October to May! I'll post more updates as I have them...prayers and thoughts appreciated in the meantime!
Monday, June 28, 2010
Leaving Raleigh
With a week to go until we officially move out (and I can't say I'm not looking forward to it...given the half-packed, cramped, mouldy, and currently being re-roofed status of my apartment, I can't but be glad to leave).
But, I have been thinking about things I'll miss (and NOT miss) about Raleigh, and the Triangle in general.
So, here goes:
What I'll Miss:
But, I have been thinking about things I'll miss (and NOT miss) about Raleigh, and the Triangle in general.
So, here goes:
What I'll Miss:
- The variety of food, in particular my favorite restaurants Jasmine's (Lebanese), the Tangerine Cafe (Thai), and Tandoor (Indian).
- All the performing arts in the area, in particular DPAC and seeing the Nutcracker at Memorial (even if one of the candy canes DOES always drop his hula hoop into the orchestra pit).
- Being here in the fall when the leaves change and the air gets crisp
- UNC in the spring, when the azaleas bloom
- All the libraries to choose from
- Downtown Raleigh and its very urban feel (but impossible-to-drive one-way streets)
- Having a hairdresser I like
- Being able to tell where someone is from in the state just by hearing them speak
- All the plants I'm used to (pine trees being only one example)
- My family being close
- Southern Season
- The traffic! (even though I've come to learn to drive like a maniac in rush hour traffic, I've never learned to like it)
- Harris Teeter (my brief foray into Publix has me already looking forward to shopping there)
- It being cold in the winter
- Living inland,and the resulting terrible seafood
Monday, June 21, 2010
Married Life
Since Brian and I have now been married for 2 weeks, I thought it was time to write a post on how all the stress is gone and how wonderful it is.
*crickets*
Well, of course that hasn't happened. Primarily because a.) we've crammed all our stuff into my already-tiny one-bedroom apartment and b.) said tiny apartment flooded with water when my neighbor's water heater burst, and still has industrial fans in it trying to dry it out.
Plus this week we have to start packing up to move to Florida in 2 weeks, and as this is the third time in 3 years that I've moved, I'm not terribly excited...but I am more and more ready to leave the tiny apartment because of lack of space, and because the carpet is starting to mold.
I have to say though, it's fabulous to walk through the store and see wedding magazines, and go "I don't have to read those anymore!!!". I'm nearly finished writing thank-you notes for the truly fabulous wedding gifts we got, and once we move I'll actually have the space to use them.
Although it'll be strange to be 14 hours from family, instead of the 2 we're so used to, in a way it's like an adventure. That comes with a great townhouse. So I think I'm excited...now all I need is a job.
*crickets*
Well, of course that hasn't happened. Primarily because a.) we've crammed all our stuff into my already-tiny one-bedroom apartment and b.) said tiny apartment flooded with water when my neighbor's water heater burst, and still has industrial fans in it trying to dry it out.
Plus this week we have to start packing up to move to Florida in 2 weeks, and as this is the third time in 3 years that I've moved, I'm not terribly excited...but I am more and more ready to leave the tiny apartment because of lack of space, and because the carpet is starting to mold.
I have to say though, it's fabulous to walk through the store and see wedding magazines, and go "I don't have to read those anymore!!!". I'm nearly finished writing thank-you notes for the truly fabulous wedding gifts we got, and once we move I'll actually have the space to use them.
Although it'll be strange to be 14 hours from family, instead of the 2 we're so used to, in a way it's like an adventure. That comes with a great townhouse. So I think I'm excited...now all I need is a job.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Humpty Dumpty Bride
With the wedding less than 9 days away, I feel like I'm perpetually cracking in half. I keep picturing myself, instead of in a white dress, as a giant white egg cracked down the middle.
At the risk of sounding like a very un-bride-like broken record, I will be so glad to be on the other side of this. I could hug (despite the fact that I feel incredibly uncomfortable hugging people) whoever came up with honeymoons. Never in my life have I need a vacation as much as I do right now.
At the risk of sounding like a very un-bride-like broken record, I will be so glad to be on the other side of this. I could hug (despite the fact that I feel incredibly uncomfortable hugging people) whoever came up with honeymoons. Never in my life have I need a vacation as much as I do right now.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Bad Bride
Yep, it's official--I'm a bad bride (also, apparently, a bad blogger).
I don't know about other brides, but I'm just ready for the stress and hoopla to be over. Admittedly, we've gotten most things done. But still...months ago when we were touring reception sites, I thought the wedding coordinator at the Sheraton who told me that wedding planning is a full-time job was crazy. It turns out, she wasn't.
It seemed like there weren't so many things to do...ceremony place, reception place, music, cake, food. HAHAHAHA. Excuse my slightly hysterical laughter.
There's also napkin and table covering choice, first dance songs, processional order for the reception, ceremony song choices (there are more of them than you think), going through books and books of invitations, wedding dress and all the many accompaniments (special underwear, sparkly headband, veil, shoes, earrings...), bridal portraits, wedding favors (sticking personalized labels on candy is NOT FUN), bridesmaid gifts, rehearsal dinner plans....
And of course, navigating the familial minefield that makes up mine and Brian's life. I won't go into it...I may need a flowchart and a heavy dose of therapy.
Honestly....I'm getting married because I'm looking forward to the marriage (well, most days...sometimes I think I'll miss having my own apartment, not to mention bed). It seems to me, given the many bridal magazines I've looked at and of course, liberal doses of Sex and the City, that most women that get married do it because they're looking forward to the wedding. No wonder so many people get divorced.
Here's hoping my wedding dread results in a fabulous marriage.
I don't know about other brides, but I'm just ready for the stress and hoopla to be over. Admittedly, we've gotten most things done. But still...months ago when we were touring reception sites, I thought the wedding coordinator at the Sheraton who told me that wedding planning is a full-time job was crazy. It turns out, she wasn't.
It seemed like there weren't so many things to do...ceremony place, reception place, music, cake, food. HAHAHAHA. Excuse my slightly hysterical laughter.
There's also napkin and table covering choice, first dance songs, processional order for the reception, ceremony song choices (there are more of them than you think), going through books and books of invitations, wedding dress and all the many accompaniments (special underwear, sparkly headband, veil, shoes, earrings...), bridal portraits, wedding favors (sticking personalized labels on candy is NOT FUN), bridesmaid gifts, rehearsal dinner plans....
And of course, navigating the familial minefield that makes up mine and Brian's life. I won't go into it...I may need a flowchart and a heavy dose of therapy.
Honestly....I'm getting married because I'm looking forward to the marriage (well, most days...sometimes I think I'll miss having my own apartment, not to mention bed). It seems to me, given the many bridal magazines I've looked at and of course, liberal doses of Sex and the City, that most women that get married do it because they're looking forward to the wedding. No wonder so many people get divorced.
Here's hoping my wedding dread results in a fabulous marriage.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Getting my spark back
Brian said something recently that really stuck with me--my spark has darkened. I think he's right; over the past few years, I've let personal/work drama drag me down. Currently, job applications/rejections and the stress of finishing school/wedding planning/moving has gotten me down (cue several breakdowns recently).
But, I've decided that Florida is going to be a a new start. We'll be living somewhere new (an awesome two-story townhouse in the grad student housing section), meeting new people, and starting our married life. I'm leaving all the stress and drama behind me in NC.
That's not to say I won't have stress/drama in Florida, but what I can change is how I react to it. Even though I'm super nervous about moving into the unknown with no job lined up as yet, I'm excited for the change. I think it's been a long time coming and all I can do is embrace it.
In countdown news: 3 weeks till graduation. 49 days till the wedding.
But, I've decided that Florida is going to be a a new start. We'll be living somewhere new (an awesome two-story townhouse in the grad student housing section), meeting new people, and starting our married life. I'm leaving all the stress and drama behind me in NC.
That's not to say I won't have stress/drama in Florida, but what I can change is how I react to it. Even though I'm super nervous about moving into the unknown with no job lined up as yet, I'm excited for the change. I think it's been a long time coming and all I can do is embrace it.
In countdown news: 3 weeks till graduation. 49 days till the wedding.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Long, long overdue update
Yes, I know that I have shamefully neglected this blog in recent weeks. But, I've had a LOT going on!
Wedding planning! Figuring out where we're moving! Finishing school!
Ok, that's an excuse. But still.
As far as wedding planning, we've got most of the big details hammered out (my mom and Brian's mom are addressing the invitations back in New Bern as I write this), and despite some setbacks (Swoozie's, who originally was doing my invitations, went bankrupt and we had to switch vendors. We're really happy with the end result, done by The Write Image in Cary! Plus my bridesmaid dress was discontinued and David's Bridal kept getting the new choice mixed up which resulted in some disgruntled, confused customers), things are coming along. Now we're faced with the smaller details--what the choir is singing, what readings there are going to be, what the flowers are going to look like, what food is going to be served, etc.
As far as the future goes, Brian got into Ave Maria! We're going down in 2 weeks to check things out and hopefully sign a lease. I don't have any job prospects just yet, but I'm hopeful. We're also trying to find him some scholarships, since the government doesn't seem to want to fund doctorates in theology, and his eyesight is too good for scholarships in that area (you basically have to be truly blind to qualify).
As far as school goes, only 5 weeks and exams left! WHOO! I've lost all my motivation, and I feel like I'm already halfway in the future. It's a serious struggle to keep going to my internship and finish up my final papers. The end of an era is in sight, and the start of something new--Florida, married life, and a job of some kind--are on the horizon. It's terribly scary and terrifically exciting all at the same time.
Wedding planning! Figuring out where we're moving! Finishing school!
Ok, that's an excuse. But still.
As far as wedding planning, we've got most of the big details hammered out (my mom and Brian's mom are addressing the invitations back in New Bern as I write this), and despite some setbacks (Swoozie's, who originally was doing my invitations, went bankrupt and we had to switch vendors. We're really happy with the end result, done by The Write Image in Cary! Plus my bridesmaid dress was discontinued and David's Bridal kept getting the new choice mixed up which resulted in some disgruntled, confused customers), things are coming along. Now we're faced with the smaller details--what the choir is singing, what readings there are going to be, what the flowers are going to look like, what food is going to be served, etc.
As far as the future goes, Brian got into Ave Maria! We're going down in 2 weeks to check things out and hopefully sign a lease. I don't have any job prospects just yet, but I'm hopeful. We're also trying to find him some scholarships, since the government doesn't seem to want to fund doctorates in theology, and his eyesight is too good for scholarships in that area (you basically have to be truly blind to qualify).
As far as school goes, only 5 weeks and exams left! WHOO! I've lost all my motivation, and I feel like I'm already halfway in the future. It's a serious struggle to keep going to my internship and finish up my final papers. The end of an era is in sight, and the start of something new--Florida, married life, and a job of some kind--are on the horizon. It's terribly scary and terrifically exciting all at the same time.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Bridal Breakdown
Yes, it has happened. I've had my first Bridal Breakdown.
It was mostly precipitated by David's Bridal, who are showing themselves to be incredibly incompetent, and that's me being nice.
The story:
In December, I went to try on wedding dresses. It was a busy day, so I wasn't too upset the consultant wasn't paying too much attention, since I hate overbearing salespeople anyway. When I went in January to pick it up, though, I was pretty pissed off that when the saleslady wrote down the number on my dress, they wrote it down WRONG. So the dress they ordered was not only a dress I'd never seen, but it was also $107.75 MORE than the dress I wanted.
At the time, I was panicking so much that I didn't say much other than "fix it!". David's Bridal didn't offer any apologies, and at first didn't believe me...but eventually I got them to reorder the right one and give me the difference in money in store credit.
This past week, I went in for my first fitting..when I went to pay, I requested to put my store credit towards the fitting fee, and produced the exchange receipt. Which they then insisted they couldn't honor because I didn't have some coded card (which they never gave me). Then they tried to take the receipt. I finally got them to honor the store credit, but still no apologies for all of this.
In short...I nearly had a meltdown in the store.
Honestly, I don't ask for much. I'm usually pretty genial, and I ask that in return. David's Bridal: EPIC FAIL.
Besides the dress debacle, all the details to think about is making my grind my teeth more than usual. I've started to break out in a sweat (literally, I turn red and start sweating, it's not a pretty sight) whenever anything wedding comes up. By the end of the 2 1/2 hours I spent in Swoozies looking at invitations, I was dripping.
Combine this with 5 classes, 24 hours a week in internship, not having the SLIGHTEST idea where I'll be post-wedding or what I'll be doing...yeah, I'm freaking out. HELP!
Note: Make that 2nd breakdown. Man, this kinda sucks.
It was mostly precipitated by David's Bridal, who are showing themselves to be incredibly incompetent, and that's me being nice.
The story:
In December, I went to try on wedding dresses. It was a busy day, so I wasn't too upset the consultant wasn't paying too much attention, since I hate overbearing salespeople anyway. When I went in January to pick it up, though, I was pretty pissed off that when the saleslady wrote down the number on my dress, they wrote it down WRONG. So the dress they ordered was not only a dress I'd never seen, but it was also $107.75 MORE than the dress I wanted.
At the time, I was panicking so much that I didn't say much other than "fix it!". David's Bridal didn't offer any apologies, and at first didn't believe me...but eventually I got them to reorder the right one and give me the difference in money in store credit.
This past week, I went in for my first fitting..when I went to pay, I requested to put my store credit towards the fitting fee, and produced the exchange receipt. Which they then insisted they couldn't honor because I didn't have some coded card (which they never gave me). Then they tried to take the receipt. I finally got them to honor the store credit, but still no apologies for all of this.
In short...I nearly had a meltdown in the store.
Honestly, I don't ask for much. I'm usually pretty genial, and I ask that in return. David's Bridal: EPIC FAIL.
Besides the dress debacle, all the details to think about is making my grind my teeth more than usual. I've started to break out in a sweat (literally, I turn red and start sweating, it's not a pretty sight) whenever anything wedding comes up. By the end of the 2 1/2 hours I spent in Swoozies looking at invitations, I was dripping.
Combine this with 5 classes, 24 hours a week in internship, not having the SLIGHTEST idea where I'll be post-wedding or what I'll be doing...yeah, I'm freaking out. HELP!
Note: Make that 2nd breakdown. Man, this kinda sucks.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Wedding updates
So, since it seems like all I've been doing lately is wedding planning (really, who cares about school?) I thought I would give an update. And maybe a school update too since, you know, it's moderately important.
So, wedding update:
I bought my wedding dress and picked out the bridesmaid dresses, Brian picked out his tux and the groomsmen's, and we're working on our wedding registries (finished one, working on the other two). We've also booked a car to take us from the wedding and the reception, sent out save-the-dates, and are working on booking our honeymoon (in Charleston).
Next up: Figuring out the music for the ceremony (Brian's choir, the Vox Clara Schola [I think that's what it's called, anyway] is going to be doing all the music), picking out invitations, and buying our wedding rings. I also have a dress fitting in a few weeks.
Whew! Things are moving fast (only a little more than 4 months now), and it seems to be getting more real by the second. I'm alternately excited and terrified. Brian's set to hear from grad schools in mid-March so that's not doing much to remedy the situation. BUT, hopefully by April 1 we will know something about where we'll be moving.
A short update on school (because that's all I can stand), here are the classes I'm taking this semester:
As we rocket towards June, I'll try to keep updating...maybe I'll even add a "days to graduation" calendar..
So, wedding update:
I bought my wedding dress and picked out the bridesmaid dresses, Brian picked out his tux and the groomsmen's, and we're working on our wedding registries (finished one, working on the other two). We've also booked a car to take us from the wedding and the reception, sent out save-the-dates, and are working on booking our honeymoon (in Charleston).
Next up: Figuring out the music for the ceremony (Brian's choir, the Vox Clara Schola [I think that's what it's called, anyway] is going to be doing all the music), picking out invitations, and buying our wedding rings. I also have a dress fitting in a few weeks.
Whew! Things are moving fast (only a little more than 4 months now), and it seems to be getting more real by the second. I'm alternately excited and terrified. Brian's set to hear from grad schools in mid-March so that's not doing much to remedy the situation. BUT, hopefully by April 1 we will know something about where we'll be moving.
A short update on school (because that's all I can stand), here are the classes I'm taking this semester:
- Disability Policy (interesting, but most of what we're learning I know already and it's not a long enough class to get into new things)
- Evaluation (it has a longer title, but i'm not interested in learning it)
- Grant writing (which has so far proved to be VERY useful)
- Financial management of nonprofits
- Facilitative leadership (iffy, b/c we're using a model the professor's husband developed).
As we rocket towards June, I'll try to keep updating...maybe I'll even add a "days to graduation" calendar..
Monday, January 4, 2010
2009 in review
Similar to last year, I thought I would review my favorite books/movies of 2009 (I also admit to needing a more positive post after the last one).
So, first up: books.
Series I've gotten into this year:
As for movies, I haven't seen too many this year, but a few stand out:
So, first up: books.
Series I've gotten into this year:
- Mr. and Mrs. Darcy mystery series. These are a much more lighthearted take on Darcy and Elizabeth than Rebecca Ann Collins' Pemberly Chronicles, and despite being slightly predictable, they're a fun easy read.
- Elizabeth Peter's Amelia Peabody series. Amelia is possibly one of my favorite literary characters ever, if only because this series put "Good Gad!" in my vocabulary.
- The Sookie Stackhouse Southern Vampire series. This is the basis for the HBO show True Blood, and the best way I can describe it is Twilight, except for adults and with good writing. And no cheesy romance. Or teenage angst.
- The Mistress of the Art of Death series. History + mystery=a good book for me.
- Books by Georgette Heyer (so far I've read The Convenient Marriage, Black Sheep, and Cotillion. ) They were written in the 1920s and set in the 1820s, and are funny without being cheesy.
- Lucy Sullivan is Getting Married. This was good British chick lit.
- Eats, Shoots, and Leaves. This is heaven for an English major. Or, former English major.
- My Sister's Keeper. Despite the ending being really sad, it was very fitting--not to mention fantastic.
As for movies, I haven't seen too many this year, but a few stand out:
- Julie & Julia. This made my favorite books last year, and the movie definitely lived up to its name. Meryl Streep is fabulous as Julia Child, and the Amy Adams sections reminds me of many, many times when I've been cooking and freaked out when I get overheated and things aren't working out the way I wanted.
- It's Complicated. Yet another Meryl movie, this one nailed divorce right on its complicated head (cheers for a movie that recognizes how hard divorce can be on kids). AND it's funny. A winner.
- Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I think this is my favorite Harry Potter movie. Funny teenage love angst, combined with fighting Voldemort, made for an excellent movie.
- Night at the Museum 2: Battle at the Smithsonian. Amy Adams's Amelia Earheart was the key in this movie. I also liked that the sculptures and pictures came to life too.
- Star Trek. Brian drug me to this, but I ended up liking it--action + space should equal Battlestar Galactica...but, it turned out, can equal this too.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Reflections on 2009
The more I think about it, the more I realize that 2009 was a decidedly mixed year. From Brian's dad's heart attack (a year from today!), to being made supervisor at summer camp, to moving to Cary (Brian and I are living in the same town for the first time in 6 years!) to struggling to maintain my (conservative) identity at school, to wedding planning, it's been up and down constantly.
Recently I've also come to realize that caring for my parent's medical ailments doesn't start when I'm 40--it starts now. From buying my dad diabetic cookbooks for Christmas (yes, I really did) to nagging him to not buy/eat sugary stuff, to taking my mom to colonoscopy appointments and consulting with the doctor afterwards--we're all growing older. That never really hit me until this year. The bursitis in my hip started flaring up, as did my dad's--and the spectre of hip replacements dances on the horizon like a nasty, unwanted sugarplum.
With only 5 months and 3 days left until the wedding, and about 4 months left until I graduate, lose my insurance, and become seriously unemployed (at least now I can put "student" as my occupation), it's going to be a year for big changes. I'm excited about graduating--I've never wanted to go back to school less and I am SERIOUSLY tired of being "the intern"--but terrified of finding my first real job, moving somewhere as yet unknown (but hopefully not for too much longer!) and setting up a married life when I'm so used to this one.
If you pray, add me in. I'll need it.
Recently I've also come to realize that caring for my parent's medical ailments doesn't start when I'm 40--it starts now. From buying my dad diabetic cookbooks for Christmas (yes, I really did) to nagging him to not buy/eat sugary stuff, to taking my mom to colonoscopy appointments and consulting with the doctor afterwards--we're all growing older. That never really hit me until this year. The bursitis in my hip started flaring up, as did my dad's--and the spectre of hip replacements dances on the horizon like a nasty, unwanted sugarplum.
With only 5 months and 3 days left until the wedding, and about 4 months left until I graduate, lose my insurance, and become seriously unemployed (at least now I can put "student" as my occupation), it's going to be a year for big changes. I'm excited about graduating--I've never wanted to go back to school less and I am SERIOUSLY tired of being "the intern"--but terrified of finding my first real job, moving somewhere as yet unknown (but hopefully not for too much longer!) and setting up a married life when I'm so used to this one.
If you pray, add me in. I'll need it.
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