An Ending and Some Excitement

As I only have 2 Sundays left working with Joe, I almost feel like it's the end of a part of my life. Not that I won't continue working with people with developmental disabilities, since I'm pretty much committed to that now...but I'm struggling with my decision to leave, even though I know it's the right one--I will miss working with him. Today for example, we went to the planetarium for their new show on NASA, which was pretty fun.  If you feel moved to see it, there is a pretty hilarious shot of one of the Apollo 16 astronauts trying to jump up and down on the moon and falling over...

HOWEVER, even though we had a good time today, I got home exhausted and am going to end up having to get up super early in the morning to work more on my paper/presentation (which is tomorrow...at least it will be over).  

I'm getting pretty psyched about Brian's birthday next weekend--I have all sorts of stuff planned. For example, we're going to see the Dead Sea Scrolls (should that be capitalized? Clearly Dead Sea should be, as it is a proper noun, but i'm not sure about S/scrolls...anyway) at the Natural Science museum, as I promised him we would do back in the summer when I found out they were there. Then we're going to his favorite restaurant, 518 West, for lunch (as I recall, we went to its Chapel Hill equivalent, 411 West, for his 21st birthday and I bought him his first glass of legal wine...ah, good times).  Then, i'm cooking dinner (quiche lorraine and Tollhouse pie, his choice) and we're going to see the new Bond movie, as we both love Bond and have gone to see all the movies together that have come out since we started dating (I think that's only 3...although we have watched a couple more on DVD, one which we accidentally watched twice because we weren't actually watching the first time, if you get my gist. And can I just say, Die Another Day is not only the dumbest Bond movie ever, but the dumbest movie ever, period. Halle Berry sucks as a Bond girl, and Madonna needs to get over the fact that she is not really British). I'm hoping it's good, as I was a bit disappointed in Casino Royale...I get that they're trying to start from the beginning of Bond, but why is Judi Dench still M? And where are Q and Moneypenny???

I hope we don't get lost in downtown Raleigh, as I am prone to do, and miss some of that--i'm also planning on cooking breakfast Sunday morning, and then going to Mass with him before work, so I can yell "It's Brian's 24th birthday today!!!" when they ask for announcements.  I'm pretty much more excited about it than my birthday. Especially since I get to go see a movie in the theater for the first time since August..it's about time. 

Guilt and Abandonment

I am the scum of the earth. Ok, this isn't really true...but I sure feel like it, after I had to tell Joe's parents I would be leaving at the end of November. This is really one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, which I'm sure sounds hokey, but it's true.

I would be excited about getting to November, if this month didn't look harder than last. I have 3 major papers and a presentation before Thanksgiving (ie, in the next 3 1/2 weeks), and i've only started researching one of them. I'm pretty sure the 4-clients-every-Thursday thing will continue at JFS, which means I'll be getting home after a 9-10 hour day feeling beaten up.  Plus I'll be working my full hours there, and still working with Joe on Sundays (as the guilt hovers over me, I'm sure).  BUT, I feel like the decision to leave was the right one--working/going to class 40 hours during the week and doing the same type of work on Sundays is too much, and I'm pretty sure I'd burnout reallllly soon. That doesn't make me feel better though...

I've also abandoned, at least for now, my plan to move to Raleigh and get married early. For one, I realized that a lot of my urge to leave CH hinged on the election and how utterly sick I am of having to deal with the Obamaites. But I'm not sure that would be any better in Raleigh, for all State's conservative reputation. Also, I just don't want to have to move again, and find a library, grocery store, and gym all over again, not to mention figure out where I was most of the time. As most of you know, I am not too good with the directions.  I think I was just feeling lonely and was a bit overly optimistic when I was scheming....

On the bright side, if there is one, a new sign just went up across the street from my apartment complex: Carolina Institute for Developmental Disabilities. HMM. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to walk to work next year...

PS--In line with "guilt and abandonment" theme of this post, this past Thursday was the 10-year anniversary of my parents telling me they were getting a divorce, and the subsequent downward spiral I still sometimes wonder if I've pulled myself out of....

Raleigh scheming

As promised, here is more on my potential move to Raleigh:

What precipitated it:

• Being tired of not living in the same city with Brian the entire 5 1/2 years we've been dating, and also being tired of only getting to see him 1-2 days a week, and having to drive A LOT to do that.
• Considering an internship next year in Raleigh, and thinking that it's ridiculous to commute 3 days a week plus the weekend.

What this means:

• I'll probably stay in CH until the end of the summer so I can work camp again, and then move to Raleigh. I'll have to commute 2 days a week to CH for school, but that's less in the end.
• Brian and I are seriously considering getting married next Christmas, and this way he could just move in with me and it wouldn't disrupt his commute. 
• I'll get to see Brian more than 1 day a week! We can have mutual friends! We can just hang out together, and not be depressed that, when I have to take him home, I won't see him again for another week or more.

Will this really happen? I have no idea. I welcome advice..but, in the words of one of my clients, I can't promise I'll take it :) 

Musings

Some things I've been thinking about:

TV

Shows this year have been decent. Such as House (which has really been kind of iffy...especially after this week's episode, where 13 started making out with random girls to deal with her progressive Huntington's), Bones (i've only seen 2 episodes, and I watched them both yesterday...but other than Angela and Hodgins breaking up, which I'm really hoping changes in the episodes I haven't seen, it seems good), Ugly Betty (finally! right mix of comedy, drama, and attitude!), and Jon and Kate Plus 8 (the little kids are in preschool!!). But really, what is up with everybody on Bones using their iphones to watch videos of people beating each other up that relate to cases? And who WAS that woman that came to Wilson's apartment? Will House make out with Cuddy?? Will Betty get back with Gio, or random new musical neighbor boy?  Really, who knows.  Plus, shocker, Lindsay Lohan has been actually decent on Ugly Betty.  

School

I feel like (and am really praying I'm right) that the worst of the semester is over. October was a bit rough after 2 tests, a presentation, and 4 papers; this month, I only have 2 papers and 2 presentations (although I am back to all my hours at JFS).  Everyone keeps saying next semester is easier...I hope they're not lying.

JFS

Every day is an adventure at JFS...today, for example, I had an entire interview with a client sitting in her underwear, who couldn't remember who I was and lapsed into German. And another with a client who ranted about shower caddies for about 20 minutes.  But, i'm still struggling with the culture--picking up on all the Jewish terms (today I had a conversation with a rabbi over the phone, and he threw in a ton of Hebrew words and I had NO idea what he was saying) and the really abrupt way most people in the office speak.  Plus having to say, "um..I'm actually not Jewish..." about 10 times a day.  

Life in general

First, over Fall Break, I actually got homesick for my apartment, the first time that has ever happened...usually I dread going back b/c of icky roommates...that kind of makes living alone worth it,even if it is lonely from time to time.  Plus my apartment is WAY cleaner than my mom's house...

I'm also reallllly chafing to get married, and I wish it wasn't a year and a half away!  Blah.  

That time of year again

Ah, fall break. Great weather, good food, family...and doctor's appointments. Since I still haven't transferred all my doctors to Chapel Hill, I had my yearly checkup today, which, in addition to being icky and awkward (ladies, you know it's true), for me generally also includes fasting and bloodwork. No change there...I had three vials of blood taken to run an organ check, to make sure my medication isn't wreaking any havoc.

This is all well and good...but last night I had dinner with my stepsister and 6 month niece (who seems to find me strangely comforting, as she generally ends up asleep in my arms whenever I see her), and today spent an hour surrounded by pregnant women in for their checkups. For someone who may not be able to have biological children, this is a bit depressing. Ok, a lot. I think my biological clock has recently gone off, as I find myself in raptures over every baby I encounter--but I never know if this will ever come to fruition. Sure, I can adopt, and I'd like to adopt even if I do have biological children. I don't even want kids for a few more years...and yet, there's always that thought in the back of my head, "What if I can never get pregnant?". It just makes it worse that my stepsister did at 19 and now my dad/stepmom dote on my niece as the only grandchild. What if she remains the only grandchild? Why did I get stuck with polycystic ovaries?

I've taken some hope that Kate Gosselin (of Jon & Kate Plus 8 fame) also has polycystic ovaries. I'm not alone, and one of us has 8 children. There's something in that.

Kids Say the Darndest Things

I was at the playground the other day (with Joe, the client I work with), and sitting at the sidelines observing led to some hilarity (and also some "Are you a teenage mom???" ogles).

For example, 2 kids who were obviously siblings, one probably 6 or 7 and one 5ish, were playing pirates, which meant a lot of "ahoy matey!"s and "yo ho ho"s. The best part was when the little boy, the younger of the 2, said "ahoy, to the poop deck!" and the little girl said "Do you even know what a poop deck IS? It's there (points to another part of the playground). You swab it." 

We were also walking on the trail, along with a mom, and her 6 year old, and a younger child, who was probably 2ish.  The 6 year old was like "GOSH! This is hard, walking! After this, we can get in the car, and go to Burger King." To which the mom said, "What? I'M not going to Burger King..."

And then Joe wasn't watching where he was going, and ran some poor girl on her bike into a bush. *Sigh* 

Happy 5769

It's October! I made it this far! I know this sounds like an easy thing to do, given that I always make it this far, but this fall has NOT been easy. There have been many times when I didn't think I would ever be able to change my calendar from September to October..but hallelujah, now I have. Next up: To make it to November...

This first day of October was quite an interesting one, as I went to my first synagogue service this morning, for Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year (this year is 5769).  This was perhaps not the best time to pick to go for the first time, as I ended up being there for 2 1/2 hours while I flipped through the prayer book futilely trying to figure out what was going on. Hebrew is NOT easy. At least I knew to open it left to right so I didn't look TOTALLY ridiculous...even if I did feel like I had a huge sign on my forehead saying,"Hello, I'm the token Christian...."

I've had another realization, this one about something I DON'T want to do: I don't like community organizing. At all. I'm on a team for my macro class to get a living wage ordinance, and, although I respect that this is good and necessary, I don't enjoy being a part of it at all.  This might be different if it were some kind of law about special needs...but probably not. I just don't like their approach in general, having a bazillion meetings and doing research. Blech. At least that's one thing I can cross off the list...

Shanah Tovah! Hopefully this year will be less stressful than last...