The Working Dilemma, Part II

I haven’t blogged since I started my new job, mainly because, to be honest, I was too.freaking.tired.  Some of it is just adapting (6 weeks of getting up at 8am and napping whenever I wanted seriously spoiled me), adjusting to the 45-minute traffic-laden commute, and learning to squeeze in errands and chores on the weekends or evenings. But some of it, honestly, is just because I’m not a superworman. Anne-Marie Slaughter’s article in the Atlantic Monthly was incredibly timely  because I am just now realizing that I was lied to.

My whole life, I’ve essentially been told, “OF COURSE women can be doctors/lawyers etc.”. But now, I’m looking at some of the incoming 1Ls at the law school where I work, and thinking, “These women will be close to 30 when they graduate, with 30 years of debt to pay off, and a punishing few years, at least, as an associate in a law firm. How could they possibly have kids?”. Even though I don’t (thank God) have any grad school debt (although I suppose I’m now shouldering my husband’s) and don’t find working in higher ed a more-than-average time commitment (except during orientation and exam weeks), I’m STILL struggling. I know, at 27, I should seriously be considering children. But I can’t imagine trying to do everything I do now AND have a baby, not to mention worrying about daycare and providing for everything on a (thus far) single salary. Plus cook dinner every night and do the majority of the housework.

Why were we told we could have it all? Was it on the assumption that we would hire  housekeepers/nannies? Because honestly, the thought of someone else raising my children makes me break out into a cold sweat. At the same time, though, I don’t want to give up the career I’ve fought so hard to have. What’s the answer? Not have kids? Every time I think “I can’t have kids! No way can I handle them on top of everything else!” I see a baby and feel that deep-seated yearning to have one of my own.

And yet, some nights I don’t get home until 7:30 if I manage to go to the gym, which is just the time of an ideal bedtime for a young child.

About a year ago, I told an acquaintance that I was willing to give up my career for children. Even if that were true, and I’m not convinced yet it is, it’s not a possibility right now as I am the only one working. There is literally no way for me to make the choice to be a stay-at-home mom, no matter how much I might discover I want to.

Ultimately, it’s the struggle between society (get a job, work hard, make money) and biology (have children, spend your life raising them). Is there really a way to balance them that doesn’t require hiring outside help? For us, not in this recession, at least not for now.

My only answer as of today? Start drinking coffee. It’s incredibly sad that this is all I can think of to do, but there it is. I have to manage an 8-hour work day, hour and a half of commuting, occasional gym sessions, cooking dinner, and housework somehow. Caffeine, you’re my new best friend.

My "411"

I'm copying this from my friend Justine and her blog (I think it is actually from another blog but...I am lazy...)

. How long have you been blogging? And what got you started on blogging? Has your blog changed?

I started blogging the summer after my college graduation, as my friends were moving away to their new lives and I was staying behind to continue with grad school. I wanted people to have a way to keep up with me, and...well, I was bored and wasn't used to not having roommates to talk to. I would say my blog has become less personal in ways; when I was job searching this spring I did some googling on myself and found some links to blog posts that I didn't feel represented me well. So, I've tried to be less personal, or maybe I should say reactionary.

2. Did you go to college? If so where, and what did you study?

Yes; UNC, and I studied English lit. Mainly because I love reading and talking about reading. (which I still do).

3. Where have you traveled?

England, Canada, France, and the US (it's my goal before I die to make it to all 50 states--so far 11 down!)

4. If you won the lottery, what would be the first thing you 

would buy?

Furniture/decorations for the house. And then pay off Brian's loan.

5. What are your 3 biggest pet peeves?

1.) Being late/people who are late.

2.) People who scream at their children in public (or ever).

3.) Reality TV. In specific, the recent rash of TV shows that present all Southerners as uneducated, racist rednecks.

6. What is your favorite movie?

Probably The Holiday (the Kate Winslett version, not the Katharine Hepburn version). Also Julie & Julia.

7. What is your drink of choice; wine, beer, or liquor. Or Water, Soda, Tea?

Alcohol: Moscato (white wine)

Non-alcoholic: Water or hot tea (English Breakfast, Darjeeling, Assam, or Peppermint)

8. What is something you enjoy to do when you have me time?

 

Read or  watch girly tv shows that Brian doesn't like

9. If you could have a $10,000 shopping spree to one store, which store would it be?

Does Amazon count?

Otherwise I'm very tempted to say Barnes & Noble. But I'll be more temperate and say Target.

10. Share with us an embarrassing moment of your past? Or present.

Oh, so many. I am a klutz so that makes things interesting. But, today at lunch (for my first day of work my coworkers took me to the Tobacco District) I ordered a grilled chicken sandwich which had shredded lettuce on the top of the bun. So I flip the top half of the bun onto the sandwich and lettuces goes EVERYWHERE. Me, my new coworker, the floor. Yeah.

11. What day would you love to relive again?

 I'm honestly not sure. It would NOT be my wedding day, since I was incredibly stressed out about all the family tensions going on at the time (and perpetually). One of the days our our honeymoon would be nice--although I would prefer, instead of reliving it, just be able to recreate it, as Brian and I are so much more comfortable/cohesive/cooperative with one another now then we were then.

12. If your life was turned into a movie... what actor would play you?

Mae Whitman. I think she kind of looks like me, plus I like that's she's quirky, doesn't show up in Hollywood news, and can definitely play up the angst (useful for my high school/college years).

13. What are the jobs you had in high school/college/the early years?

Too many to list. In high school I taught kindergarten dance classes; in college I worked in a group home and doing direct care for teenagers with disabilities; in grad school I did more direct care, for Jewish Family Services, and for the state; then I worked in career counseling in at Ave Maria and now in Student Affairs at Duke Law.

14. Show us a picture from high school or college.

So..no. haha. Both because I don't want such pictures to be out there, but also because I try not to post "people" pictures on this blog. So, here is a picture of a giant rubber stamp statue that I saw in Cleveland when I went to visit Brian's family senior year. Just, you know...because.

15. If you could travel anywhere in the world, all expenses paid, where would you go?

  Brian and I are really hoping to go to Malta at some point, as his grandmother's family is from there and he really identifies with their culture.

16. Show us the most current picture of you or you, or your family, or anything of meaning to you. 

Beaufort Grocery is where we went for our anniversary dinner this year. I'm proud that we had the courage to get married, given that both our parents are divorced, and I also think we've grown immeasurably in our marriage the past 2+ years.

17. Where do you see your life 5 years from now?

I would love to have bought a house; I hope we have at least one child. Other than that, I hope we both have jobs we like, and enough money to pay the bills, live comfortably, and put some in savings. I would love to still be in NC, but we'll see where God takes us.

Catering escapades

There have been several times in my life when I have been very, very glad that I can cook. This past weekend, as co-hostess of a bridal shower, was one of those times. I made the cake and 4 trays of hors d'oeurves and paid a fraction of what I would have had to pay for a bakery cake/actual caterer. And, I like to think, they were just as good.

Bacon and Swiss mini quiches

Sausage and cheddar balls

Chicken salad cups

Chocolate-covered strawberries

Strawberry cake with almond frosting, to match the invitations

I'm no expert at any of this; other than the cake, which I did a test run of a few weeks ago, I'd never made any of this food before. I'm clearly not a master decorator, either; I'm hoping to be able to take a cake-decorating class at some point. But, I'm pretty proud of them. I know that being able to cook isn't universal, so I like being able to do something that not everyone can. Several people have tried to convince me to open a catering business and/or bakery, and though I have no plans to do that anytime soon, who knows what the future holds if I need a more flexible schedule.

Accepting the Impossible

After 11 job applications and MANY nervous breakdowns over my worries that we may never a.) move back into a place of our own, b.) be able to live in the area we want, and c.) get jobs with decent salaires/benefits, the impossible has happened.

I got a job with a decent salary and benefits. One I'm nearly certain I will enjoy! That starts 2 months after I quit my last job! Plus we signed a lease on an awesome apartment right in the area we wanted to live and move in less than 2 weeks.

In addition to all of THIS, and on a more personal note, my period started. On it's own, without drugs. For the first time in 4 years. This is nearly a miracle, even if it isn't sustained.

I'm having a hard time accepting all of this. It seems too good to be true, really. I mean...a job I like? One that offered me the position 5 hours after meeting me and raved about how much they were impressed by me? (What person did THEY meet??) One that lets us live 5 minutes (walking) from the Byzantine Catholic parish Brian loves, not to mention every store we might want to frequent? That's 30 minutes from one of my best friends and 2.5 hours from the other AND is oft visited by Brian's best friend?

I seriously expect to wake up tomorrow and realize none of this has actually occurred. Not even in my wildest dreams did I expect things to work out this quickly and this ideally.

So, for those of you reading this that offered up a prayer or a thought for us, thank you. For those of you that might be reading this by chance, this isn't how things usually work out for me (see previous posts).  Hopefully a change is in the air!

More to come as we transition back to our independent lives.

We're back, baby!

Beaufort Waterfront

I've been meaning to write a post on how glad I am to be back in NC for a while, and I think the car accident I was involved in today (I wasn't driving, and I'm fine) manages to roll all those reasons into one:

Immediately after, while we were both sitting in the intersection blinking:

• A Marine jumped out of one car and ran to the other car involved in the wreck (it was upside down)
• One lady came up, made sure we were both ok, and escorted us to the side of the road
• Two more ladies ran up to tell us they were praying and it was going to be ok
• All the cops/firemen/EMS techs involved were courteous and came up multiple times to make sure we were ok

Also, last week while I was standing in the middle of the aisle in a bookstore, three teenage girls wanted to get past me AND ALL THREE OF THEM SAID 'Excuse me".

That would never have happened in Florida, no matter what age they were. I am so glad to be back in the South!! I know NC has its problems...but man. Feels like home!

Job count:
Applications: 11
Rejections: 4
Phone interviews:1
In-person interviews: 1 (next week!!)

Goodbye Florida

On the eve of our departure from Florida, I've just been reflecting on what I'll miss about Florida (and what I WON'T).

I'll miss:

• The grad students. We really had a phenomenal community of friends here, and I hope we'll be able to keep up with them for years to come.
• The winters. Sometimes I miss seasons, but the weather really is spectacular during the winter. 
• Being able to only have one wardrobe (summer).
• Disney World. We didn't actually make it to Disney World...but just knowing it was there...
• The Silverspot...leather armchairs while watching a movie=bliss.

I WON'T miss:

• Tourist season, which unfortunately coincides directly with the only time the weather is nice.
• The tourist culture--mostly meaning that there IS no culture, and what there is, is only available during tourist season and then shuts down.
• The weather outside of the winter (late March-November), which is scorching hot with burning sunlight that gives you skin cancer and damages your eyesight. I am not exaggerating. 
• The lack of affordable recreation opportunities, including dining options.
• Being an hour from the bank/Target/aforementioned limited dining options.

So, it's back to North Carolina...home for now but hopefully on to our own place soon.

Job application count: 8
Rejections: 1
Interviews: 0.

Confessions

• I had never changed a diaper until this past week, when my niece came to visit. (It's not that hard. What a relief).

• I love cookie dough. Seriously love it. Love it like it should be its own food group.  

•   As much as I've whined and complained about living in Florida, I will miss the house we've been living in. And our neighbors. But not Florida. 

• I am getting stressed about finding a new job...I love our family, but I don't think I can live with them long-term. I need a space of my own. Plus, not working kind of drives me nuts. (I know...commit me to the insane asylum now).

•  I don't know what kind of work I want to do. "Something I enjoy". But what on earth is that?? Help.

• I love Brian being at home. I love spending time with him. But I am already really tired of Star Trek.

That's it for now...further post on Florida to come. Less than 2 weeks to go in the Sunshine State!

What Recruiting Has Taught Me

Having made the decision to leave my job at the end of May in favor of what's next in our lives, my boss tasked me with writing my job description and managing the hiring process.

It has been very enlightening.

• You should do what the job description says (what documents they want, where they want you to send it, etc.) It may be clever of you to track down the head of the department (in this case, my boss) but odds are that, even though they make the ultimate hiring decisions, they aren't the one coordinating the details. So it makes you look stupid to send your application to him, instead of the e-mail listed.
• It is very, very easy to make snap judgements on resumes. I had my top candidates ranked after a very brief scan; a lot of this is from poor formatting (huge blocks of text, etc.).
• Say why you'd be good at the job you applied for, specifically, not why you'd make a great employee in general. It's really obnoxious to have to dig.
• The company may already have an idea in mind of what type of person they want to hire, and will rule out others accordingly, even if there's nothing inherently wrong with their application or experience. (I need to remember this when applying for my next job...)
• Don't (PLEASE) track down the person who sent you an e-mail of receipt on LinkedIn and attempt to contact them through a chain of connections. This puts that person (again, the person coordinating the details, not the person responsible for hiring) in an awkward situation.
• E-mails matter. Make yours something that is just your name, simply, not something that involves lots of random letters or numbers. 
• Pictures on resumes = awkward. 
• When it says "do not call" that really means "do not pester". This includes e-mails.

Overall, it's been an interesting experience being on this side of the fence. It turns out that phone interviews are just as nerve-wracking for the interviewer as the interviewee.  Who knew.

So close, yet so far away

AMU Graduation, a few years ago. Photo by Deacon Wallace

This is how I feel right now--graduation is SO. CLOSE. Yet there's so much more to do before it's here. For Brian, his thesis defense (Friday) and finishing a final project for his independent study; for me, Senior Awards (tonight), interviewing replacements for my job, proctoring exams (starting Saturday), an always laborious and seemingly-endless process, and cleaning the entire house before his family arrives next Thursday.

And then...I just don't know.  Brian got accepted to SLU but as yet hasn't been offered any money and we're reluctant to go any further into debt, especially in this economy. We're pondering a deferment and a move back to Raleigh (a prospect that excites me to no end; 2 years away has taught me just how much I miss it). In the meantime, we're going to visit family and figure things out from there. Which means that being settled and figuring things out is so close...yet so far away.

Gators'll getcha

It's springtime in Florida, which means...

I see you trying to break your Lenten fast

Sometimes I wake up and think..."how am I living in southwest Florida???". We have gators, owls (a coworker had a nest of baby owls on her window sill last week), wild boar, bears, hawks, eagles, vultures, and ENORMOUS locust-like grasshoppers, and panthers. If I'd had to think about it, I probably would have assumed we would live in NC, pretty much for ever, if not in our hometown. Southwest Florida was never on my mind. As we wrap up our time here (the ad for my job went up today), I'm trying to appreciate the very unique (if dangerous and frequently frustrating) experience of living in the Everglades. Not every neighborhood has its own resident gator. Plus, you can't beat the views from our windows:

I suppose that's always the way: appreciating something just as it's ending. I'm looking forward to the next chapter in our lives, whatever that may hold (even as I'm frustrated by not knowing), but I'm trying to spend these last 2 months be grateful for what we've been granted while we've been here. A great community of grad students, egrets flying outside our bedroom window, and the excellent icebreaker of "I used to live in the Everglades. No really, IN the Everglades."

Happy Holy Week...I'm looking forward to Easter and being able to eat chocolate again like nobody's business. 

Desert Island Wishlist

Inspired by Little Stories

"When someone asked G.K. Chesterton what one book he would want to have along if stranded on a desert island, he paused only an instant before replying, 'Why, A Practical Guide to Shipbuilding, of course'". -Philip Yancey, from the introduction to G.K. Chesterton's Orthodoxy

Ah, the time honored question, What book (or in this case, 10 books) would you take with you to a desert island?

1. ) Narnia (the big anthology....that's not cheating). Who wouldn't want to have Peter, Lucy, Susan, and Edmund with them if they were stranded on a desert island? And Reepicheep. I'd really want Reepicheep.

2.) Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.  Say what you will about it, this book always succeeds in taking me to a new, magical world, something I'd imagine you'd really need if trapped on an island.

3.) The Bible. No more excuses for not knowing it in and out! Plus I feel like you could read the Bible for years and not learn everything it had to teach you.

4.) Me Talk Pretty One Day. I'm going to need a laugh and a homesickness remedy while on the island...David Sedaris, a Raleigh native, covers both of those.

5.) I suppose it's too much to hope for the collected works of Jane Austen, so I'd want Pride & Prejudice.  But I really wish I could have Sense & Sensibility and Northanger Abbey, too.

6.) The Blind Assassin. Really I'd be happy with any Margaret Atwood, but this is the densest (is that a word?) and one I could really delve into if given extended periods of time.

7.) The P.G. Wodehouse Omnibus. Bertie for laughs and Jeeves for practical advice. Plus all those other characters I've never got around to but have been meaning to read.

8.) Love in a Time of Cholera. I feel like I could read this book over and over and get something different out of it every time.

9.) Frederica.  My favorite Georgette Heyer (and, conveniently, the longest).

10.) Honestly, I'd want at least one book I hadn't already read. Pulling out of my to-read shelf, I think I'd go with The Portable Dorothy Parker.  The mix of literary styles would be nice.

And The Practical Guide to Shipbuilding, of course.

In life news, Brian didn't get in to Fordham. Note the lack of tears on my end.

March Madness

(No, not the basketball kind. But I'm looking forward to that too..)

I've been looking forward to March for a while, for a number of reasons, and I'm so glad it's here.

Brian should be hearing back from more schools this month (he got into St. Louis last month!! Hooray! Except he's on the waitlist for an assistantship, so we still don't know if he can even go there. *sigh*). Every day when I check the mail I pray something from a school will be in it, but so far no luck. But now I can really say that it will be any day now!

Plus, we're going to...drumroll...the Wizarding World of Harry Potter!! I am so psyched. I am justifying the expense by saying that we will probably never live within driving distance again, plus we get the Florida resident discount. I have been dying to go there ever since they announced it was opening and I intend to thoroughly enjoy myself. I'm thankful for a day of vacation, no matter how short.

Work-wise, my biggest event is this month, and I'm both looking forward to seeing all the pieces come together (I've been planning it since November) and that it will be over (and hopefully a moderate success). 

Brian's first draft of his thesis is due at the end of the month, which I know he is stressed about, but I'm looking forward to it since I'm that much closer to getting him to myself for a couple of months this summer. Graduation is only 2 MONTHS AWAY!

There are, of course, plenty of things I'm worried/stressed about (not knowing where on earth we're moving, and when, being a large part of it) but I intend to enjoy March while it's here. April will have to be a month of decision making, but I'll take that when it comes.

Valentine's musings

This past weekend, Brian and I traveled up to Lake Placid to speak at the Campus Ministry retreat about our relationship & marriage. It got me thinking, just how very, very fortunate I am.

When Brian and I met, I was 14, and he was 15 (he doesn't remember this. He went by BJ back then, but he hates being called that so don't tell him I told you).  We had both been through our parent's divorce in nearly exactly similar circumstances, and so when we met again (about 2 years later) through our church youth group, it was an incredible relief to find someone I could talk to about everything. We hung out at church and on the track team, I dated one of his friends (awkward...) and we got to know each other. Brian is one of the most reassuring, funny, and enjoyable people to be around. He both makes me laugh and makes me relax, a great combination as I am usually wound up and tense.

At the retreat, we were asked to speak about overcoming our divorced family past and deciding to get married anyway....but if anything, I think the divorce spurred me on toward marriage. I wanted a lasting relationship, since I didn't have one in my life. I knew that we needed to address our issues when they came up, because our parents didn't. I knew we needed to never part angry, to show each other love whenever possible, to laugh together. I can't help thinking, every day, how much I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him.

As I told the group this weekend, we have our hard times like anyone else. We argue, nitpick (or as we call it in my family, nitpickard, after my mom's family of phenomenal nitpickers, the Pickards), and occasionally wound one another. But knowing I get to come home to my best friend at the end of the day, and wake up to him in the morning, is such an enormous blessing that I don't take enough time to appreciate.

Today was just another reminder of that fact; Brian got me flours. Get it? Flours? Well, anyway, he got me 4 small bags of flour, and for a baker who goes through an extraordinary amount of flour, this was the perfect gift.

So, for all of you who have been through a divorce, either of your parents or one of your own, know that you can heal, and find that person who makes you feel worthy and important. As How I Met Your Mother once said, "They're out there, coming as fast as they can".

Happy Valentine's Day.

Things I'm Proud Of

The ability to end a sentence without a preposition not included.

Sometimes, (ok, most of the time) I can be very, very hard on myself. I'm not a good enough wife, housekeeper, employee, etc. etc. I should be doing more, earning more, look more put together, be thinner, cook better...

Periodically I find it helpful to remind myself of the things I do well, despite the fact that this is much harder than naming the things I don't do so well.

Here goes:

• Cook. For a long time I took for granted that cooking came naturally to everyone. My parents both cook, but when they got divorced they both stopped for a few years, and if I wanted anything other than take-out it was up to me to make it. Baking has always come naturally, and the more I cook, the more I enjoy it. So, I'm proud that I can cook well. 
• Read. Reading is also something I've taken for granted--growing up I was always allowed to go to the library as much as I wanted. Both of my best friends, one from high school and one from college, are readers and we've always traded books. Now that my dad's semi-retired he reads a lot, and we trade too. But working with students with disabilities, I've met a lot of people who struggle to read, or just plain hate it. I'm proud that my reading comprehension is high and my reading speed fairly fast.
• Empathize. Prior to my parent's divorce when I was 13, I was very self-absorbed and spoiled. That had to change pretty fast, so between that, coping with an eating disorder over the next couple of years, and working with adults with disabilities beginning in my freshman year of college, I find that I'm pretty good at empathizing, even with situations I haven't experienced. I got in a discussion about abortion with a pro-choice classmate and, just as she was gearing up to get irritated and angry, I explained that, even though I disagree with abortion, I can absolutely understand how a woman, afraid and more than likely alone, might find herself in a situation where abortion looks like the best option. My classmate stopped, blinked, and said "oh..you're the first person I've met who said that". We then had a frank, reasonable, non-angry discussion. This also comes in very handy being a social worker.
• Write. I'm no Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist, but I find that I can write reasonably well, a talent that's come in handy doing papers, research documents, grants, graduate applications, and more. 
• Stick to goals I set. In middle school, I determined to make my sloppy, nearly illegible handwriting that featured huge circles over the i's better. And I did.  Just this past New Year's, I set a goal to go back to exercising 4 times a week--so far, 5 weeks later, I haven't broken it. It's comforting to know that if I set a reasonable goal, I'm capable of achieving it.
• Being left-handed. This is obviously nothing I had control over, but I'm proud of it nonetheless. It's nice to be a little different, and to feel like I've overcome my teacher's insistence that they didn't know how to teach me--to hold a pen, to write, to sew--because of my handedness. I still get "You're left-handed?!?" frequently enough to remind me that it's still not the norm. 

That's enough for now...I can't really think of any more, plus I don't want to sound terribly conceited. What are you proud of?

My Goodreads Addiction

Hello, my name is Sarah, and I'm addicted to Goodreads.

I actually got a Goodreads account almost three years ago, used it briefly, and then kind of petered out and hadn't touched it in months. But I'm scanning books at work, and I needed something easy and simple to read while I did it. So I got on Goodreads. Now, several days later, I'm addicted to making shelves, adding books, looking for books I want to read, joining groups...my scanning work is almost complete so I won't be on it as frequently come tomorrow, but this site is GENIUS. I've never found so many books I want to read in one setting. I also enjoy reading the reviews of various books, even books I've already read. I find Goodreads reviewers to be, for the most part, more discerning readers than Amazon reviewers.

Plus, this website brings me hope. Look how many people are reading, thinking about reading, writing about reading! I read a recent article on Entertainment Weekly that said (jokingly, but still), "Who cares? No one reads anymore". I felt my chest tighten and thought THIS CANNOT BE TRUE! And now, I'm assured it isn't. Whew. That was a close one.

Plus, it's inspired me to read more and watch less tv, coming on the heels of my weekend revelation that tv is just too much work. It's hard to keep up with a series! But a book will start right back where it left off. (Although I do plan to keep some shows. You can't take away my Top Chef, now.)

On an unrelated but entirely felicitous note, BRIAN'S DOCTORAL APPLICATIONS ARE FINISHED!!!! (skies opening, choruses of angels singing). WOO! Of course, it is still 2ish months until we'll know anything at all. But still. It's something, and I'll take it!

I'm Not in the South Anymore, Ya'll

Sometimes, I forget that I have left the state I spent 25 years of my life in. For example, I grew up saying ya'll. Everyone I knew said ya'll. Even the out-of-staters in college quickly learned to say ya'll. But when I say ya'll here in conversation, everyone trades a smile of amusement. "Isn't that cute? She just said ya'll! I thought they only did that in movies where the girls where hoop skirts and drink mint juleps!"

Side note of irritation: Vivien Leigh, who played Scarlett O'Hara, was BRITISH. Not Southern. Her entire accent was made up and FAKE.

Ok, moving on. So today, I'm in a meeting where we are working on planning a dance. Various options are thrown around--swing dance? square dance?--and I mention that I'm used to having everyone just shag at dances. Cue bug eyes and everyone's faces going red. Finally one co-worker choked out, "SHAG? Like in Austin Powers?!?". I tried in vain to explain that it is a dance style, done to beach music (they'd never heard of that either) but everyone kept flinching when I said shag and asked "can't you come up with another word?". NO! It's a dance style, and is absolutely not sexual and has nothing to do with Austin Powers.

Florida is technically the South, and northern Florida may be, but here in Southwest Florida we are a joint colony of upstate New York and Michigan. The Crisco is ridiculously hard to find in the store (hidden on the bottom shelf!), when I made hushpuppies for a party no one had heard of them (what do they do when their dogs bark?) and no one can understand me on the phone (resulting in 2 different prescriptions, one under Battersey and one under Battersbvy. Battersbvy? Really??).

I never appreciated the small things about NC I would miss--the smell of the air, dogwoods, azaleas, leaves turning, square dancing, shagging, beach music at every wedding reception, men who hold open doors for you and call you ma'am, fresh seafood, everyone knowing about the UNC/Duke rivalry--things I barely noticed when I lived there. Sometimes I even watch Paula Deen's show for nostalgia. And I don't even like Paula Deen.

Is there such a thing as a Southern expat? Because I think I'm it.

Resolutions for 2012

I'm finally getting around to thinking about my goals for 2012. And, without further ado, here they are:

• Snack less. Ever since I was on a medication that lowered my blood pressure (I've now been off it for over a year) and had to snack almost constantly to keep from fainting, I've been an AWFUL nosher. I would love to lose 5 or 10 pounds, and when I took stock of how much I was snacking, it quickly became apparent why (or at least, one of the reasons why) I wasn't able to.
• Exercise more consistently. I used to be great about going to the gym 3 or 4 times a week, but in the past year I've been awful about it. Having no gym makes it hard, but I got some great new workout DVDs for Christmas so I am determined to at least try.
• Worry less and trust in God more. This year especially, I've been worrying constantly (will Brian get into doctoral programs? Where will we move? How will I find a job? Will we be able to have kids?). Honestly, this worrying does absolutely nothing. We've never been lacking for what we needed, and I have to trust in God that we'll be sent where we're supposed to go and given what we need.
• Watch less TV. This is aided by the fact that the majority of my shows are, in my opinion, no good this season. So it's not a sacrifice to watch less of them.
• Read a wider range of books, including the "classics". I especially need to get out of my English hole and read writers of others nationalities. 

• Be more positive.  Honestly, I think I put this down every year, but as I have yet to achieve it to my satisfaction, here we are again.  

Well, that's it for now--Brian is ALMOST done with all his doctoral applications (4 out of 7 are officially finished). He started his last semester on Monday, and is considering applying for a part-time job (which I would LOVE). In the next few months we should know more about the latter half of our year will look like.